Suspended!!!

Yea, I would have suggested your father, and when told he couldn't stay there overnight, I would have said, "that's all I have" and made it the CW's problem. Rules like that make no sense. In our county a fc can stay two nights in a row with anyone we deem appropriate.

I never understood school suspension as a punishment either. I also see nothing wrong with him going to work with you. He could sit outside under a tree with a cold drink and a book to read. Good luck

I work in a school and have a serious question. I understand that some kids look at suspension as a positive experience. Personally I think the way the parent reacts to the suspension can encourage the student to look at suspensions as positives or negatives. In School Suspensions (ISS) also has its drawbacks. There can be overcrowding in a large school. It can also be fun. The kids are in there are sterotypically not your "good" kids and are more prone to trying to impress each other with misbehavior. It can quickly become a fun experience if you do not have a very strong adult in the room. Lunch Detentions are a joke to a large portion of the students with behavior issues. You can't make a parent pick their student after school for after school detention. All of that being said. What would you suggest as an alternative to a school? Our hands are so tied. We really struggle. I would love to have good ideas on better ways to discipline students.

You're singin' my song, sister! I totally agree - suspension may not be ideal, but it is the best we have. ISS requires someone to be able to supervise the whole time - and if a kid has behavioural issues it just isn't always possible. My son got suspended for fighting a few times, in the school I teach at, and I support it fully. He was older so I didn't have a babysitting problem, but he was required to stay in the house and I disconnected all the power so he couldn't watch tv or play video games :boot: With his out of control behaviour there is really NOWHERE in the school that would have been safe and appropriate to serve an in-school suspension without paying someone full time just to sit with him. I know it sucks for the parents and sucks for the school, but there are pretty limited options and the bottom line is that there needs to be consequences of SOME kind, and I don't think the school's primary job is discipline. The education of the kids that aren't misbehaving has to come first - I know I'd be mad if my daughter was constantly being disrupted by a kid like my son!

I've had kids who've had both ISS and out-of-school suspension. In my district, suspension, whether in or out of school, isn't a "bad" consequence. I always punish my kids more than the suspension. I'm a single working mother. When my kids were suspended out of school, they've stayed with my mother who didn't enforce my rules. That's why I punish them more.

Personally I don't think suspension has anything to do with punishment, and shouldn't. Suspension is about keeping all the other children safe for at least a short time from the child being suspended. The time-out gives that child a chance to chill, start thinking about and experiencing the real, natural and logical consequences of his/her actions, and the parents can institute some discipline (which means teaching; punishment is a tool sometimes used, not usually very effectively, to teach. More often, if it seems to "work," it has simply trained the child to do/not do something within notice of an adult, not really taught them to know and value why they don't want to do the wrong thing). Schools have to mitigate the damage done to other students by disruptive and violent students. If anything, it seems as if they do far too little--at least at our school. They do try to push the actual discipline back onto the parents, as they should. Unfortunately, for those like foster parents who did not have the chance to lay a strong foundation with a child, the model doesn't really fit. I don't know the answer, but as a parent and foster parent, as far as I am concerned, if a child does something violent that would be a crime in the adult world, that child needs to be out of the school until there is some assurance that that they won't do it again. As for your practical problem, can the cw provide a respite day placement?

Part of the point of suspension is to remove the kids who were involved with/in the fight from the others. A kind of cooling off period, if you will. It is to protect not only the students involved but others as well. Part of the point of suspension is that it inconveniences the parents. Sometimes that's the only way to get their attention. Not everyone is a good parent. Sometimes the only way we can get the adults up to the school is when we suspend their kids. And, in the greater scheme of punishments, suspension isn't that severe. I used to teach at a zero tolerance school. This meant that every time there was a fight (and there were many) the students were arrested, cuffed, and taken to juvenile lock up until parents made their appearance. Tickets of up to $500 were issued, community service was ordered and, occassionally, parents were fined in addition to the fight fee. Like I said, there were many fights and the court was sending the message that this was unacceptable. Multiple fights can also earn a trip to the alternative educational placement outside of school. That, too, is an inconvenience. It generally isn't a 3 day trip. Many districts have minimum assignments, like 10 or more days to start. Sorry that your boy made a poor choice. Also sorry that you have to be inconvenienced. But, if he sees that you are so not amused and associates this with his own discomfort, then it will have done its job. You could make him do extra chores to pay for the inconvenience of having to hire a babysitter! ETA: Hadley2, you beat me to publish!

I understand the school has limited options... I just believe in school suspension would have been appropriate for him. I know at least 2 of the other boys got in school suspension, so there must be someone available to supervise. If it were really about keeping the other kids safe from J, I would understand, but he has never been in a fight before, and they sent him back to class after this fight and did not call me until 4 hours later, so it is not about "time to cool down". That said, in front of J, I support whatever the school says! He went on and on about how it was not fair, and I told him I trust the principal's judgement and he will have to deal with the consequences. We had a LONG talk about how this could have gone better- J continues to say that the other kids started it, and I believe him, so we dissected it and talked about the warning signs that it was time to walk away or get an adult. He has only been in my home 3 months, and when I first picked him up from his after school program (they sent him home on the regular bus like nothing had happened!) he was visibly anxious. I think he thought I would send him away, which has happened to him before. Anyhow, he will be spending the day with his former foster mom, and I am making sure he has MORE than enough school work to keep him busy all day while he is there! Her home is over a half hour away from ours, so he has to "pay me back" for driving him there with extra chores, and he will also have to get up earlier so we can get there in time for me to get to work. I considered grounding him from tv, etc, but he seemed genuinely sorry, and was open to talking to me about what went wrong and how it could have gone better, so I told him as long as he continues to behave at home the evenings do not need to change, but during school hours he has to work on school work, and he is missing a field trip on Friday which is a huge thing for him. Honestly, I think the fight was pretty typical kid stuff, and am very glad the school came down hard on the kids. The school he is in is only 4th and 5th graders, about 200 kids total, and I really do want him to learn that fighting is completely unacceptable before he gets to middle school. The principal told me this was the first school fight this year, and not only were the kids fighting punished, but every kid who saw it and did not go tell an adult was also given some sort of consequence. If he were my biokid the suspension would not even be an issue, I would completely support it, because like I said, I would either take him to work with me or my dad would. The problem is with the regulations for day care for foster kids. The cw has no problem telling me that all of my ideas are bad, but was not at all helpful with coming up with other suggestions. Thank God I made friends with other foster parents! I don't know what I would do otherwise.

Oh, if it were me, I'd call in sick.And then, because I was using a sick day, I'd make my son act as if he WERE sick. He'd get to lie in bed all day, with absolutely NOTHING to do. No games, no tv, nothing to do except the make-up homework. I would make the entire experience as painfully, horribly, awfully boring as I possibly could. I wouldn't talk to him, chew him out, or entertain him (even by fighting with him, which my son finds mildly entertaining). I know it's a pain to take the sick day, but to me, it would be a worthwhile investment in not having this happen again.Kids are so much easier to discipline at 11 than at 17 that it's worth putting in a day to make sure this does not recur.

Our 15 yr old daughter got suspended a couple Fridays ago. She was playing in the water with some friends (it was raining here in FLorida for like 5 days straight!) and when they were all told by the security officer to stop and didn't they took them all to the office. On the way to the office one of the kids she was with swore at the security officer and they all got suspended. She gets picked up by my husband and taken to his job for 1/2 the day. She gets to sit with NOTHING in the office to do for that 1/2 the day. She didn't like it and her comment to me was "Well suspension is punishment. Why are you punishing me?" YEAH RIGHT! You get suspended, you get punished. And she lost all her privileges for 3 days too and was bored out of her mind because it was the entire Memorial Day weekend. We explained to her guilt by association and picking the right friends. She knows all that but she learned alot that day! Sometimes your friends really aren't your friends. Oh and she said "I shouldn't have signed that referral because I didn't disrespect anyone" and my comment back was "Then don't sign it if you don't agree." What's the difference in an adult signing something and being accountable for it (like a contract)? If you don't agree, don't sign (have one of us come down and speak to the principal with you) but since she signed it and it clearly stated "disrespectful towards security officer" then I have to punish her (heck-she agreed it was correct when she signed). I think she learned a valuable lesson that day! She's not the type of kid to get into trouble either and I think I've raised her to respect authority. It is the kids you hang with that can get you into trouble and I think she's learning that now. The best thing to do is like boulderbabe said...Make it A VERY BORING day for him! I tell you it works wonders. And if it was me personally I would also call in sick...make sure he learns his lesson. Sometimes you have to do it to prove a point. If not, he may think "Oh Mom won't do anything if I get suspended" and possibly do it again.

You all raised points I hadn't thought of for suspension. Personally I've never had to deal with it.

What about respite care during the day? Do you have another foster family who could watch him during the day? Maybe a stay at home mom/dad could watch him? I know in CA we have the prudent parent "law" so you can have a babysitter who isn't licensed watch your child for up to 24 hours.

Just have to say I LOVE the points and LOVE the parenting here! As a high school teacher, I wish more parents parented 'that way'. The last kid suspended from my class spent the day lying on the couch watching TV with mom serving him sandwiches. Seriously, don't you think foster parenting sharpens all our skills? I know find myself parenting my spirited and stubborn 10 year old bio daughter more like I did my foster son - instead of just "yelling and grounding" like I did with my oldest ;-)

At least some of your schools suspend schools. Here in LA, the school's suspension rate and expulsion rate is part of the API school - basically the school's report card. My school, an inner city school, will not suspend students because it reflects badly on our school and increase the suspension rate. So, the kids get in trouble but there really isn't progressive discipline.

Oh wow! That would be rough. Suspension reflects on us only in the sense that it is an absence. Do you have any alternative punishments that would deter misbehavior?