how old should i be?

Hi, there, and welcome! Here's my stab at answering the questions you posted. Different places have different minimum ages before they'll approve you to adopt. Some states require that you be 18. Others require that you be 21. If you want to adopt internationally, you as a single person must be at least 25. Some countries require that you be at least 30. Other than that, when you choose to alter the order of your dream is up to you. (Remember that adopting a child does not mean that you're giving up falling in love and getting married. That might still happen. So I'm calling it "altering the order of your dream" rather than throwing in the towel on your dream. Hope that's OK. This varies SO MUCH that nobody will be able to give you an estimate. Some international countries have stable timelines, and if you chose to adopt from there you'd know at the beginning of your process how long it would take - in some cases you'd know down to the month how long it would take. (But that could be any timeline, some have waits of 8 months or so, some have waits of more than three years.) In other countries the timeline varies. The type of child you request will affect the timeline a lot. For instance, most countries have more boys waiting for adoption than girls. So if you want a boy or if you don't care, you'd wait less time than if you request a girl. Same thing with age - the older the child, the more likely one is waiting for adoption already. If you request an infant, you might have to wait for one to be brought to the orphanage. If you request a 5 year old, one might already be waiting. For domestic, there are usually not any lists to move up, it is likely to depend on how long it takes for someone to pick you. And that can be as annoying as waiting for someone to ask you out! It could happen tomorrow, it could happen in 2 years. Each agency can take an educated guess on how long it will take to adopt through them, based on the number of expectant parents they are working with and the number of hopeful adoptive parents they are working with. If timeline is important to you, you'll have to narrow down the type of adoption you are interested in before we could narrow down the timeline that will affect you. Nope. You have to be careful about the country, of course. Some international countries don't allow singles to adopt from them. And some have requirements for travel and spending time with the child that make doing it as a single more troublesome. But in the USA, you might run into expectant parents making adoption plans because they want their child to have two parents. If you pick your country (USA or international) carefully, and are aware of all the issues that make adopting as a single different, you shouldn't have any particular issue. Well, there are always people who say you should do "more", aren't there? You must give to "this" cause, or help "that" charity, or assist "those" people. You can't do anything about that except grow a thicker skin. In asking for a healthy baby (or at least one whose issues are mild or easily correctable), you will be part of the majority of adoptive parents. If you were pregnant, it would be socially acceptable to say "boy or girl, blond haired or brown, we don't care as long as it's healthy". Most adoption professionals and others who have adopted have the same attitude. There will always be nay-sayers, but you learn to ignore them. It's not particularly hard. I mean, don't sign up for an agency that's working with three expectant parents if there are 100 hopeful adoptive parents with the same agency. Be sensible. But LOTS of people adopt domestically each year, and the ones I see most on this site don't feel that it was particularly difficult. Costs vary, agencies differ, and expectant parents do unexpected things. It's a roller coaster. But plenty of people make it through and are raising great kids who became their family through adoption. As for "easier"? That depends on your definition. Some people think cheaper = easier. Some people think fast = easier. Some people think meeting a toddler who already has a personality showing = easier. Others feel that choosing a newborn whose personality they can get to know gradually = easier. Some think a predictable process = easier. Others feel that not knowing how long it will be, so they don't get more stressed as they get closer to a deadline = easier. It really varies. It's important to note that it's pretty much impossible to get a newborn through international adoption. Almost all (maybe all) international countries require that children who are available for adoption be offered to citizens of that country, exclusively, for a period of some months before they can be offered to citizens of other countries. Then you have a period of time to match the child, and then complete the adoption. If the child was not available at birth, the wait before someone can adopt the child across international boarders can be even longer. Most international adoptees are a year or so (sometimes older) before they are brought home, even if they technically became available for adoption at birth. On the flip side, it's very difficult to find a toddler or preschooler or older child in the USA who is available for adoption. (Unless you adopt from foster care, which is a whole different kettle of fish entirely.) For the most part, parents make an adoption plan for their child at birth or not at all. If the parents of an older child must find somewhere else for that child to live (because the parent has a terminal disease, for instance), the child most often goes to live with relatives. It's extremely rare for a parent to voluntarially place an older child for adoption with strangers. So the age of the child you are most interested in will in some ways guide you in your USA vs international decision. I hope this helped. I hope you'll stick around and read a bunch of threads in each of the forums. Check out requirements for various international countries, and requirements for the USA. Learn costs, and timelines, and possible roadblocks and detours. Use the informatino to examine your life, and decide what type of child you can best parent. Good luck, and post back if/when you have more questions!

I agree with DianeS..I'd also like to add that you could very well get a young child or toddler domestically if you are open to adopting a sibling group... I have seen several children under the age of 5 that are part of sibling groups...and they normally will not break up a group unless there is a very large number of children involved.... I am also looking into adopting a child that isn't disabled but I know my limitations as a single person...there isn't anything wrong with letting them know what you are looking for...there are several children that will be available for adoption that meets your criteria... Good luck to you!!

[QUOTE=drevans1]Hello, ive only been a member of the site a few minutes, but wanted to express my thoughts and goals. Im a single 26 year old female, who wants a family more than anything. Im as single as they come :( and though im not ready to give up, i just dont ever see myself with the typical scenario of meet a great guy, settle down, have a bunch of cute kids and live happily ever after. Its what i pictured my life would be when growing up, but i feel like the older i get the farther and farther i get from that plan. I can not and will not be childless, i may have no control over whether or not i fall in love, but having children is something i will do, and possibly through adoption. I basically have a few ( well, a lot) of questions, and although i know theres no exact answer to most of them, i just want to know what others have done in similar situations. 1) What ( in your opinion) is a good age to begin the process? If i havent had children the old fashioned way in the next couple of year should i begin when im, 30? 35? i dont want to be an old parent, but at the same time i dont want to give up on my original dream too soon. When do you throw in the towel? 1. I think you start at whatever age you feel you are mentally, physically, emotionally, psychologically. If you meet the one while you're on your adoption journey, then if he's the right person for you it won't scare him off. (Michelle Pfeiffer was dating David E. Kelley when she adopted her daughter and it didn't scare him off. They got married at their daughter's christening when she was less than a year old.) I got the baby bug when I was 27ish and it didn't let up. I read all I could decided what type of adoption was right for me. Life threw me some MAJOR curveballs, but I kept swinging and never gave up on my dream to be a mommy. My belated birthday present came home exactly one week after my 29th birthday. I had officially began the process when I was 28 1/2. Three kids later, I would still like to marry and I haven't given up on that dream. But on the same note, my life is complete with these three. We are a family. And I"m thrilled with my family. 2) From day 1 of first meeting with someone to set up the adoption process, how long would it be until i ahve a baby? (I KNOW I KNOW it varies)...but is 2 years average? 5 years? 2. The average wait is 2 years. My first adoption via foster care was 26 1/2 months long. This was with me not starting classes right away. The adoption itself after placement took 19 months. My son came home at 5-days-old. My second adoption also through FC was 15 months from the time I turned in my second application in. My daughter came home at 6 1/2 months. My third and probably final adoption was an international one and it was 19 1/2 months from the time I turned in my dossier to the time I legally adopted my daughter in her birth country. She was 11-months-old when I adopted her. 3)Have you found that domestic or international adoptions are more suitable for single parent adoptions? So many international countries are now closing to singles. Off the top of my head only Russia and Kaz are fully open to singles. I hear some agencies are putting quotas on singles for Ethiopia. For me, private domestic adoption and me were definitely not the right fit at the time. Though after coming on these boards, I have found some families that have done adoptions where they were only open to babies where TPR has already happened. I like that idea. Fost/adopt is not for the faint of heart. It is grueling and tough. If you can't imagine loving and caring for a child for months on end, knowing at any moment a CW could call or come and take your baby, then this is definitely not the road for you. This road has crushed my heart, gave me sleepless nights, and worry beyond belief. God is the only way I got through this process. Though on the upside for fost/adopt, it made me appreciate the long, quiet, seemingly endless wait of international adoption seem like a walk in the park. Families I waited with who had only adopted internationally would complain about the wait or this or that, but I thought to myself I'd take this any day over the rollercoaster that is fost/adopt. I rolled with the punches when my 9 month int'l adoption wait, turned into a 12 month wait, which then morphed into before Jesus comes back wait. I got a little anxious when my country was going to stop all referrals, but I got in under the wire 2 days before. I then waited another 4 months from accepting the referral to traveling. But I took it all in stride. I enjoyed the 11 days in my daughter's birth country and being able to spend one on one time with her without the every day distractions. 4) Will i be looked at as 'mean' if i say i dont want a disabled child? i may want one some day, im a nurse and i feel i could benefit them, but being in my 20s with a first baby, knowing you are going into it as a single parent, i just think having a 'normal' ( not politically correct i know, im sorry its 2am and i cant think) child would be hard enough! i dont mean for it to sound like i want Baby#1 as a trial baby, but i just dont think i can handle any serious disabilities. You wouldn't be mean. My homestudy said I wanted a healthy child. For fost/adopt I was only open to some drug exposure. I figured all I could ask for was healthy, then whatever came our way medically afterwards I figured we would handle. Both my children adopted domestically had in utero drug exposure. They are both beautiful, brilliant children who are as healthy as a lark. My daughter, who was adopted int'l, has no real medical history. So far she has been very healthy and her ped has been amazed at her progress. 5) is it hard to get a domestic baby? is it easier for international adoption to get a young baby? it doesnt have to be newborn, but somewhere around toddler age or younger i would prefer. If you want a newborn, then going private domestic or foster care are the only two ways to do that. 1 is the average age of most kids who are adopted internationally though developmentally they are usually not on par with the average American 1-year-old. After my daughter was evaluated shortly after we came home, the only area she was on target age wise was cognititively, everything else she is delayed. Being home these past six months have gone a long way, but she's still slightly delayed. You may have to wait longer in private domestic adoption because you are single, but maybe not if you're open to race or gender. Best of luck!

I am adopting from foster care, an older child (7). I turned 26 this feb. and began the process at 25. When you are ready...you are ready. What others think doesn't really matter any more. :)

I'm just starting the process myself so I'm no expert, but here are my answers. 1) Age isn't as important as where you are in your life. Besides what others have said..... One thing to consider might be at what age your friends are having children. No, you shouldn't have children just because your friends are, but for me I think having friends with children around the same age is beneficial. Another thing to look at is possible wait times. So if you are looking at adopting internationally and the wait for a referal is 2 years then really you may want to start for example when you are 28 if you would like to have a child when you are 30 instead of starting at 30. 2) Varies a ton depending on the program. I'm doing my homestudy now for a baby or toddler from Honduras. The estimate is about 2 and a half years but the program is unpredictable and could take longer. 3) There aren't a lot of International programs accepting singles for young children right now. This might also matter for question number 1. Hopefully more countries will reopen for inter-country adoption in the future which might be important when considering when to adopt. 4) No, you are not mean for requesting a healthy child. At least I hope not because that is what I'm doing. I really think it would be worse to accept a child with special needs because you think it is the "right thing to do" if you don't feel ready to care for a special needs child at this point in your life. Good luck!

I started TTC (TTC = trying to conceive) when I was 29 years old but I found out along the way I had fertility issues and it took awhile before I got DD. I had just turned 34 when DD was born. DD was conceived through embryo donation and my wait time was two years and four months. It was 3 years and one month before I finally gave birth to her. Don't let my time line scare you though. If your open to other races, including full CC, then you will be matched much quickly. The whole process could take a year if your serious and flexible. I have noticed that most single choose international adoption because there were more open to single moms but now that many countries are closing to international adoption. I now see more singles adopting from foster care or TTC. However, the best route for you depends on what is more important to you. If you want predictability then international adoption may be a better choice because its usually more predictable then domestic. If you want a newborn then domestic adoption would be a better choice because it impossible to adopt a newborn baby abroad. The youngest children are ages 6 months and up at homecoming but the average is 12 months and up. If your looking to save money than domestic adoption may be a better choice since the cost are much lower than international. Don't feel bad at all for having a preference. Always remember that nearly everyone said "no" or "will not accept" on their application. We have to draw the line somewhere. Getting a healthy baby internationally might be tough since many countries that were good options for singles have now changed their rules (like China and some Ethiopia programs) or they have closed entirely to international adoption (like Guatemala and Vietnam). However, since your open to a toddler-aged child. You may have better luck. Off the top of my head, some good programs for you might be Russia, Kazakhstan or Bulgaria. Ethiopia might also be a good option but many agencies are no longer accepting application are they have put limits on single parent adoptions because of the quotas.

Hello! Maybe here is some hope! Im 23 years old and meet my adoptive daughter (8 year old) on Thursday. I have been a foster parent since 22 years old, and had 2 foster girls when I was approved to adopt this girl. 3/13- inquired 6/18- heard back regarding her 7/11- phone presentation 7/24- talked w therapist 7/28- adoption packet completed 8/19- presented with department 8/25- home study approved 9/29- formal presentation 10/1- she learned about me 10/8- I meet her, and start the transition process!!!!

Howdy....let me try to answer some questions and just tell you what worked for me so far (in middle of process) 1. I say at whatever age you feel you have stability and the emotional gumption to do so, if this is what you want, then whatever age that is works. about me, I wanted to be stable because I knew I'd be starting out this route as a single woman....so I moved from my apt. to my parent's house at 28, so I could save money and pay off my student loans...by 29 I was looking for my house, I paid off my student loans at 29, bought my house right before I turned 30 and started the process a few months after. At this time, I'm 31 and matched with a prospective child. 2. I went fost/adopt route...(i work in the public schools and I'm familiar with social services through my work somewhat so it was logical for me to go through my county's Child Protective Services) I went to my orientation Nov. 2008, started my classes Jan. 2009, licensed and homestudied by June 2009 and had a match fall through and now I'm matched again....so for me it was under a year...however, I was open to 0-5y/o, I hear 0-2 y/o usually waits longer. 3. Research, research, research... I find fost/adopt does not discriminate and is lovely to us single people...however, if you don't want to deal with the roller coaster ride, I'd research both domestic/international. I know the laws are always changing for international adoptions so you do have to be on your feet making sure things are still going well and laws haven't changed regarding single people. Research agencies as well, some are better than others. 4. I'm a speech therapist....I can handle some disabilities such as speech delays and anything that may indicate learning disabilities in the future...however, although I'm good at working with children with autism and mod.-severe disabilities, I marked that I didn't want that at home...some people do a good job with that, I want to keep my work at work and home different. 5. Make your preference known....I originally wanted 2-4 y/olds, I was convinced to go 0-4 (but I really was praying for a preschooler or older as it would be hard for me to go to work while I have a baby....plus I'm not a baby baby person....however, they grow and there was a need last year for them so I did change my age range, I didn't feel forced (don't feel forced to change, unless you grow during the experience and know you can handle a little more)...but now I'm matched with a 5 y/o and she sounds like she and I would make a good family so in the end you go with your gut) Good luck with your information and do what is right for you....you would be creating a family.

By the way, don't write off meeting your 'soul mate' because you are 26.... I met mine at 27, married him at 30 or so, and the rest is history.... Good luck!!