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Hi, we've been matched with a little boy with post-traumatic stress disorder. I"m just now starting to research this - but I have talked to his clinician and it sounds like his behaivors are doing great - has been in therepeutic foster care for 2 years. So while he still will get frustrated, physical agression is gone. He has an IEP (2nd grade) with a shadow a few days a week, but has gone from 5 days to 2 days.
I know every kid is different, but any advice from those who have been there?
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I just wanted to thank you for posting this information. Reading information in a book as to what our daughter may be going through seems at times a bit two dimensional - maybe lacking in emotion. Strange when all of this is totally about emotions/feelings. Your personal post puts the emotions back into it and helps me to better envision what she must be going through.
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My almost 5 year old daughter has PTSD. It is hard, very hard. She has a wonderful trauma and attachment therapist and after a year of hard work we have made progress.
My advice would be to totally believe everything the foster parents tell you and not think that he will be different with you, because he is in a permanent home. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but if you are up to it, it will also be the most rewarding thing you have ever done. Where else is a better place to put our energy??
joskimo
I know every kid is different, but any advice from those who have been there?
Drywall: When were you able to articulate your triggers? L, my youngest, has had 3 within the past 5 days: one at school, one with my sister and one with me. It's the time of year after Thanksgiving but I'm not sure if it's a holiday thing or something else.
Drywall
After reading the stories from so many of you moms, I often wished you had been my mom.
Im an adult adoptee. As a child there were long periods of abuse, so I understand feelings regarding "triggers" and fear. I'll share those as a means to try to help.
First, any relationship with a new family causes fear.
As an adoptee, you don't know them and you don't know how much is known about your previous life...your hope is that they don't know much. Somehow there is an attachment of shame over what has happened in the past.
Additionally, the most overwhelming hope is that those "bad" secrets you have, will remain buried and no one will know. There is great fear as to what the reaction will be if they came out....particularly if those adults are in an authoritarian position, like a mom or dad. You don't hold yourself blameless for what happened...somehow you are always the cause.
Because of past adult experiences, there is a lack of trust...what the new parents feelings are about you as a child, is unknown to you, and could involve anything from blame to additional abuse. All you have is what your experience from past adults has been. You try very hard to adopt a wait and see attitude...even though the climate and atmosphere in a new family is different from what you know.
The "triggers" are an unexpected event...always a surprise. There is a link in the events of the day that causes a reminder of something that happened in the past. Young children will have those links but they wont be able to share what caused the "trigger."
A serious "trigger" for me was the observance of watching a very nurturing, caring mom and dad and their child.
Because the events related to those "triggers" are fairly recent in terms of a timeframe, the details will be sharp and vivid.
In some cases they will be overwhelming...it is almost as though you were viewing a movie that you have seen 100 times...you know the whole story and remember the terrifying fear associated with it. As a result there may be some form of meltdown.
As you grow older there is not the acting out from "meltdown." The changes to grief and loss become more apparent.
It is difficult to know all the circumstances leading up to "triggering" but they are very real.
This is not an attempt to explain child behavior in all children. It is only a sharing of personal experiences that may be of some help in terms of what your children may be feeling...
My only suggestion to help your child is to provide a level of trust in terms of their past events.
Create an atmosphere and bond as a mom that allows them to have the freedom to tell you anything and know you will be non-judgmental. Their understanding has to be that you will continue to provide love and support no matter what the sharing of those hidden secrets uncovers. The message they need to believe is that love is unconditional.
Once they learn that there are no punishment consequences from sharing their thots, they will begin to share all of the daily events of their lives.
I wish you the best.
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Millie, in response to when did I recognize and be able to verbalize triggers, thats something Ill have to guess.In the early years, (3-18) there was so much chaos, violence and abuse in my a-family that my focus was on 2 things.First, I was "different" and probably deserving of what happened, secondly,I tried to anticipate the abuse I knew would come and hopefully avoid it.As a result, in those early years there may have been triggers, but they went unrecognized. In their place, there was only a deep sense of fear, grief, loss and despair -- but even that I couldn't define.As I grew older, the chaos and fear subsided and the "triggers" became more apparant. They were vivid, painful and lasted for a long time.There were periods when the "triggers" came and went -- but also periods when they either did not come or went unrecognized.It was not until I was 30 or so that I was able to recognize a "trigger" for what it was. At that point I was able to put all the triggers together and understand each one. But there was still no link or pathway to reach those "triggers" to find out why they came about or how to fix them. It took another 10 years to be able to look at them and admit openly to myself that the "trigger" that came up, hurt a lot. There is fear associated with "triggers." Maybe it's all part of the fight that goes with the demons that have lurked so long. That fear, seems to hold you a captive and for me was the most difficult and devastating part to over come.Once bundling of the "triggers" together happened, there was a means to fight and gradually healing occurred. Therapists can help early on so healing comes sooner. Now some 70 years down the road I suspect I am about 80% healed and it's only rarely that there are faint traces of "triggers." Hopefully this has answered some of your thoughts.I wish you the best.
Drywall: did/do you ever "shut down" emotionally? I'm trying to construct a time frame and find a way to let the school know what's going on. L will shut down; then he'll either come out of it or he'll go into "panic" mode where he gets very angry and starts talking back, calling names, basically being disobedient.
Millie, in an attempt to help L, I'll try to reconstruct what happened in my head as best I can. Hopefully this will shed some light on what is happening to him.I don't know L, but I can relate to his feelings.In the period I am guessing that L is in, I was fighting for survival on 2 fronts. My age would have been somewhere around 6, but the strength of those feelings would have continued up to about 10.It was a different era. What my parents didn't understand about my behavior, they beat out of me. That only deepened my despair, and it made me aware that I shouldn't let my grief, and loss show. The first part of the coming meltdown involved silence -- I retreated into my head. But at the same time, I also drew a line in the sand and made a promise to myself that if the problem of anyone invading my space continues, "THEY'RE GONNA BE SORRY."And I waited for anyone to cross the line.What I didn't know then, was that the acting out was due to grieving. All I wanted was to be let alone and let me grieve, even tho I didn't know thats what was happening. I had no sense of grief and the feelings of grief were unknown to me, even tho I was grieving. I believed I was an island and there was no where to go to get help. I didn't know I needed help. But if help had been offered, I wouldn't have known how to use it. Someone would have had to figure out what was in my head and lead me to the help.If there was persistance, in terms of people continuing to invade my space, then yes, I did become violent and in doing so, my hope was that i would raise so much ruckus with them that they would leave me alone -- forever.They didn't understand me, and I didn't know how to tell them what was wrong.The feelings L has, come on suddenly. He doesn't know where they came from or what triggered them -- he only recognizes them when they happen. He may have "triggers" or "flashbacks" associated with them. There are no pathways in his head that will lead him to finding out why he has those feelings.Even today, altho I am an adult those gaps in my head remain. I can't go to them, or know what is in them or discover how to fix them.I dont know L, but based on your description, I wonder if he is grieving. I wish you the best.
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I would encourage you to find a therapist who does EMDR. You can find a clinician trained in this approach (the best way to work on ptsd) at emdr.com or emdria.org. In my humble opinion, other types of therapy will not touch past trauma and you'll feel like your wheels are spinning... Keep us updated!
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Drywall
Millie, in response to when did I recognize and be able to verbalize triggers, thats something Ill have to guess.
In the early years, (3-18) there was so much chaos, violence and abuse in my a-family that my focus was on 2 things.
First, I was "different" and probably deserving of what happened, secondly,
I tried to anticipate the abuse I knew would come and hopefully avoid it.
As a result, in those early years there may have been triggers, but they went unrecognized. In their place, there was only a deep sense of fear, grief, loss and despair -- but even that I couldn't define.
As I grew older, the chaos and fear subsided and the "triggers" became more apparant. They were vivid, painful and lasted for a long time.
There were periods when the "triggers" came and went -- but also periods when they either did not come or went unrecognized.
It was not until I was 30 or so that I was able to recognize a "trigger" for what it was. At that point I was able to put all the triggers together and understand each one. But there was still no link or pathway to reach those "triggers" to find out why they came about or how to fix them.
It took another 10 years to be able to look at them and admit openly to myself that the "trigger" that came up, hurt a lot. There is fear associated with "triggers." Maybe it's all part of the fight that goes with the demons that have lurked so long. That fear, seems to hold you a captive and for me was the most difficult and devastating part to over come.
Once bundling of the "triggers" together happened, there was a means to fight and gradually healing occurred. Therapists can help early on so healing comes sooner.
Now some 70 years down the road I suspect I am about 80% healed and it's only rarely that there are faint traces of "triggers." Hopefully this has answered some of your thoughts.
I wish you the best.
