Are we loseing our baby boy????

I've read this from child welfare and from what *I've read*, it would seem there's no way for her to 'get her baby back' at this time. I'm no attorney; but it would seem if she had any issues, they should have been taken care of within the time specified. I'd have to wonder why she felt it necessary at this point; and, to take him on this 'vacation'. That part would bother me more I think....knowing no more than what I've read here. I wish you well and peace of mind. Sincerely,Linny

My adoption also took place in TN. My lawyer writes some of the tn laws. pm me if you want her name as I don't know if I am aloud to give it on the site. We actually didn't tell anyone we had our baby until that 10 days was up simply because we didn't want others to bond with her and our lawyer basically said "after that ten days it would take an act of congress for that baby not to end up with us" she only told me this because I was so worried that what is happening to you, could happen to us. She basically said that after that ten days she would have to show that someone held her at gun point and witnesses and all and made her sign the papers. Since I am assuming there was a judge present when she relinquised , I believe you are worring about nothing. Pm me if you want more info.

Just throwing this idea out there- have you tried to get her some counseling? From your post she sounds mostly angry, but probably underneath that she is really, really hurting and grieving. Natalie

It does not matter if she can afford an attorney or not. In some states YOU COULD BE REQUIERD to pay for her attorney. She can make your life hell, and insisit that a judge hear the case. This happened to us. The bmom changed her mind after her time had passed and she sued us for custody. She requested visitation since the case was scheduled for 3 months later. So we had to go to court to protest this request. Visitation was denied, since we lived 17 hours away. We had to pay her attorney fees and ours which added about $10,000 to our final adoption cost. The case took just 10 minutes for the judge to hear. If your agency and you followed all of the rules of the state she will not have a leg to stand on. I wish you all the best.

If she has no job and no stability the courts woudlnt give her custody unless there was abuse on your part. She is fishing and iI woudlnt worry to much. and have to agree, take on vacation out of the blue, sounds liek shes fairly unstable and wasnt going to return...

please lets take a step back and remember what "adoption" is: Finding a home for a child whose parents have decided they cannot/will not raise him. Sounds to me like you have the exact opposite here. If the mother wants her baby back then you can't say "no" and still try to call the whole process an "adoption" because she has made it clear she wants to and intends to raise her son. Its such a sad sad situation for you though and yet another reason why pre birth matching is such a bad idea. You end up with either a mother feeling obligated to place a child before she's even seen him or else a couple such as yourself who are heartbroken.

I believe the OP can say no and still call the process adoption because the birthmother intended not to parent until after the time to legally revoke TPR had passed. What if this birthmother had changed her mind a year from now or three years from now? Would that mean that the process was no longer an "adoption"? What would you call it then?I do agree that it's a sad situation.

Well, if someone actually did wait until the child was two or three then he couldn't be moved back to her because that would hurt the child. However if the adoption was a closed one maybe it could be opened to include visits or if its already opened maybe the contact could be expanded. However this baby is not two or three, he's an infant and if his natural family are finally sure they can provide for him there is no reason for him not to be with them.

I wouldn't stress over it. The time limits have passed already and there isn't much she can do. It also helps that she doesn't have a job, home, etc.. So no judge is going to place a child in that situation if you're giving him proper care in your home. :) Majority of the time the birthparents sign over their rights for their children because they CAN'T take care of them. It sounds like in this case not one thing has changed from the time she signed the papers till now. It is still an adoption whether the birthmother agrees now or not. What else would you call it? The baby in question is 7 months old (almost 8).. I would say that he is well bonded to his parents and not his birthmother. Even at 7 months old I think it would hurt the child because that is all he has ever known. Heck, Our daughter is a week old today and I feel like she is bonded to us even in that short of period. Whether it is an infant or older toddler I don't feel like one age feels less than the other or makes it a less tragic experience because he is an 'infant'.

"It helps that she doesn't have a job, home etc" Its never a good thing that someone is unemployed and homeless. Sad to see it celebrated here.

I never said it was 'good'. I said it helped their case. Would you prefer the child go to a mother who cannot provide for him in any kind of way? Please show me where I 'celebrated' it. For all we know it could possibly be the choice of the birthmother to live the way she does. I personally don't know.. All I know is no judge is going to rip this baby from his PARENTS to give him to basically a stranger that has nothing to give the baby in the end. It's common knowledge, Not celebrating the fact that the birthmother has nothing.

The reason for him not to be with them is that they are no longer his legal family. Every state has laws concerning how long parents have to wait before voluntarily relinquishing their child for adoption and how long they have to revoke that relinquishment. It's not for us to decide whether enough or too much time has passed. The legislature of TN has decided that for its citizens. Sadly, this birthmother came to her change of heart too late according to TN law.

Legal smeegle...what about morally??? so in 20 years time when she tells him that she tried to get him back when he was only 44 days old but you fought it how is he going to feel? What will he think about you? This is a child. Can't she have made a mistake? I know I sure did and I have suffered for 20 years and I have an adult duaghter that is hurt and doesn't want to communicate with me. I think these laws are wrong it should be a longer period. How about returning him and supporting her to parent? Strange idea isn't it???

I'm an adoptee whose birthmother DID try and get her back. I was with my adoptive parents for a short period of time before my birthmother changed her mind and took me back. I lived with her for a few months until other members of my birthfamily convinced her to relinquish me. I was returned to my adoptive family and have been with them ever since.Everyone is responsible for their own reproductive rights and decisions. This woman made an adoption plan for her son, and now said child has lived with his parents. They are bonded, and are a family. Some of you may not think so, and some of you may think that because his natural family changed their minds, that the family this child has been a part of is no longer valid. I disagree, and although the birthmother's situation is sad, it does not entitle her to the rights that she relinquished. Legally speaking- rare are the situations where is one allowed to simply "change their mind". Sounds to me like she regrets her decision. It's hard to live with some of the things we do. I know that, and I bet the rest of you do to. However, just because she is the biological mother does not give her the chance to call "do-over"- not when she tries to do so outside of that state designated/mandated period of time.I personally think that the OP does not have any ethical responsibility to give her child back to the birthmother simply because she changed her mind. Her feelings and her decisions are not the OP's responsibility. Just because we sympathize with the birthmother does not make her decisions any less final than the rest of ours, and it certainly doesn't entitle her to destroy this family because she had a change of heart. I don't think the birthmother has the right ethically or morally to take that child away from the only family he knows. And she certainly doesn't have it legally- which despite insinuations to the contrary is the most relevant scope in this situation.To the OP- stand your ground. That child is your son and you are his mother and you don't owe anyone any explanations and you certainly don't owe anyone your child. We all make our decisions, and then we live with them. Stay firm and kind and try and have compassion for the woman who loves that child enough to want to raise him despite her difficult circumstances. Shes is his birthmother but you are his mother now too, and one cannot simply eradicate the other. Just an adoptees point of view.

This post is almost a year old - the user hasn't come back since October and quite frankly - some of the posts are just not appropriate. As such - I'm closing the thread - no sense in having a debate with a user that no longer visits the forums :)