I probably shouldn't post this but...

As an adoptee, I will attest to the fact that my parents love me, as all parents should love their children. While I am not their biology, I can assure you that I am "of" them and they love me with the ferocity of a true mother and a true father. In fact, for a long time I thought every child was loved like I was and was shocked to learn that some children did not receive the unconditional love every child deserves. My parents love me as a child should be loved. I just happened to come to them through adoption. The love is no different K

It does not offend me. I think you are a true mother and what you do and the way you think, is beautiful

Having been to Haiti, and know so many that love the country intimately -- these are not children being taken from young moms, or mothers being coerced into placing their children -- in fact I do not know of a single orphanage in Haiti that has ROOM for more children. THAT is the issue more often than not - they find kids in gargage cans, or abandonded at the hospitals, or entire families are murdered leaving children behind ... The kids being adopted from Haiti have already LOST their family ... there is no other option for them other than simply growing up in an orphanage or more likely, dying. ITS TRAGIC.

i read a story a month back or so about a father who took his baby to an orphanage because he could no longer care for her. the mother had passed away. the orphanage turned him away because they were already impacted and just didn't have room for the baby. the father and baby left, and sometime later they found the baby abandonned at the front gate. obviously they took her in at that point. it was just a horrible situation already, and now this.

Its also important to understsand that there is no absolutely ZERO functioning government in Haiti. There are no social services, there is no health care, there is so little there during the GOOD times ... during the bad? It is unfathomable.. To be honest, these last few days I have actuallythought that the best solution might be to evacuate the whole damm country. Its only 9 million people ... Canada could easily take 2 or 3 million. :)

As far as I know, Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere. I know this, because Honduras (where we support) is the second only behind Haiti. The couple times I've been to Honduras the thought has always run through my mine looking at all the ramshackle construction everywhere, "how would they ever withstand an earthquake?" Even a mild one would be devastating beyond belief...and that's exactly what's happened in Haiti. So incredibly sad. Rylee, I hope you don't feel attacked. I know that your situation has been very very painful in large part because your daughter's adoptive mother is manipulative and malicious. And you are where you are in your healing, so your feelings are your feelings. It does seem though, like the book you're reading would feed your worst fears and assumptions rather than promote understanding or healing. The few times the disgusting and awful baby-stolen-from-the-womb crime has happened, I'm positive adoptive parents everywhere were HORRIFIED and not a single one thought "Oh good, she got her baby she wanted!" The women who perpetrated those acts were deranged and no more representative of adoptive parents than a woman who stuffs her baby in a trash can is representative of birth parents. Please don't let the worst sample of humanity become a standard-bearer for an entire group which really has nothing to do with them.

i can't imagine knowing my child was there and unable to get home. Yes, they become your child. We knew our daughter before we adopted her and the longer the process went on, the more we fell in love with her. At one point we were told it had fallen through and we would not get her. Her room was ready, her clothes, school supplies....I felt as if I had a miscarriage all over again. As hard as it can be to believe, the bonding process started in the adoption process for us. We had her pictures, calls, visits....many parents had the same of these children who are there.

Jensboys, I hope Canada can fast track refuges from Haiti like they did for a couple other countries who had similar disasters in the last couple of years. From what I have read they intend to broaden the family sponsorships to include relatives that would normally fall outside of the relatedness or age groups of children etc and then waive fees and speed up the process. It would be a good thing in my opinion. It always amazes me what a country with such a small population can accomplish. Kind regards,Dickons

I'm not feeling attacked here. I know everyone has their opinions and feelings and I'm not going to get offended (if I can help it anyway) by things that people say. I appreciate the comments. I want you to know I didn't say an adoptive parent can't love the child they adopt. I know better than that. I have step children I love dearly. They aren't my biological children but they are my children so I do understand that. I also don't think people who want to adopt from other countries are wrong to do so. If they truely are in need of being adopted because they are orphaned it's a good thing someone will take them and raise them. I was merely talking about the article upsetting me because it seems that they are only interested in whether they're going to get to adopt a baby or not or a child or not that upset me. Not the idea OF an adoption from that country. Just the idea that they weren't thinking about the country at all. At least that's the way it seemed. Also I wasn't saying that adoptive parents would all go out and rip out a baby from a pregnant woman like that one I'm reading about did. I was just saying it seems sometimes that adoptive parents are more interested in their own pain of not conceiving than that of the girl that will be giving the child away because they can't find an alternative to being able to raise it themselves. I realize now a days it's very different than it was when I gave my baby away. Or should say when she was stolen from me by the agency and society. A lot of people assume that the "gift" of a child is "selfless" and "loving". I know it's because they can't raise their own child or their circumstances are not good. Or any number of reasons they feel it necessary to give the child to someone else to raise. They do love their child enough to not want them to be raised in whatever situation they feel they can't raise it in. But it doesn't mean they don't cry or they don't get jealous of their child calling another woman "mom". Or that they don't wish they could have found a way to keep the baby after the "dust" of whatever it was that caused them to give it up in the first place has settled. A lot of people will say they don't feel anything and are happy with their decision and know their child is in a good place. I believe they feel that way. But it doesn't stop the pain of having to do it in the first place or missing their child even when they are able to see it. It's not theirs anymore. It's someone else's and that's a hard thing to think about. So in the scheme of things it's one woman's pain in trade for another's. Adoption isn't "wrong". It's the feelings that are connected with it like thinking a child isn't loved by anyone so they should be adopted. Who says a child in an orphanage isn't loved by someone? Like the baby that was dropped off because the father couldnt' take care of it or whatever it was. He loved that baby I'm sure but couldnt' find a way to keep it. So, you can't say that every baby that is in an orphanage or somewhere up for adoption isn't loved by someone other than the person who is adopting it. Think about the parents whose kids are taken from them for some reason who fights for all their worth to get the child back but no one will listen to them or help them change what needs to be changed and the child is put in foster care and then adopted out. I've known people who have had a dirty house getting their child taken away but that doesn't mean the parents don't love the child it just means they are dirty house keepers. Do those children not have someone loving them? No. It doesn't mean no one loves those children just because they are up for adoption. Anyway... Sorry I'm getting carried away here. I tend to do that don't I? :arrow: Rylee

Rylee, I think I see what you are saying. Are you talking about people who have NO interest in adopting, understand nothing about it and then a disaster happens and suddenly they want to adopt? In a way it feels some of those people are like vultures waiting for the natural disaster? If that is what you are talking about, I agree that there are better ways for those people to help. Now if they TRULY are interested in adoption and not just babbling on, by all means, they should, but I often read comments and think.... yeah you wouldn't have though about adoption until it became a trendy thing to do because XYZ happened.

I think as a mother I can totally unde3rstand how these people feel. I think its beyond the "need to adopt" and has gone to the need to know your child is safe. I think for many the fear of losing a child, or not knowing what happened to them must be awful. Yes, there may be afew that are ONLY thinking of their inability to adopt, and how they feel but I find it hard to beleive that most are that callous. I saw on the news last night the set of parents that adopoted 3 girls and were in the process of adopting 3 boys. They had no idea what happended to these children but the news agency was able to hook up with the orphanage and the parents were actualkly able to SEE that the children were doing fine. It was emotional....then reaction of the amom was not about her but about the safety of these little boys. So, I don't know, I know sometimes the threat of baby buying and non ethical behavior is real, but I can't wrap my head around the fact that its ok to let a child rot in an orphange as opposed to being safe, healthy and loved. I am really torn of the general concepts, but looking at the horror that this country is going through I can't help but want to swoop all of them and bring them here. The poor babies.

i know for me, and i'm sure many MANY others, i do not think children in orphanages are unloved emotionally....but when you are one of 100 or a few hundred, it is difficult for every child to actually physically in person GET enough love. when i was younger i spent some time living in a foreign country. i was a teacher during the week, and on the weekends i volunteered in the baby house of an orphanage. i worked in one room on one floor of a VERY large facility. my room only housed newborn babies. on any given weekend, just that one room on one floor had 50 babies...two nannies, and me. three adults to feed and change 50 babies. babies shared cribs, slept on the floor under cribs. it was crazy. i KNOW people loved these babies. but these babies didn't KNOW people loved them. there just were not enough arms to hug and cuddle and show love to so many children at one time. an orphanage really is no place to grow up.

I was watching the news, though, Rylee and I saw people talking about all the Haitian children who will be available for adoption now, and though it was merely the newscasters talking and no adoptive parents, I still felt so icky about all the people who were watching who now might try and adopt from Haiti simply because they falsely think it might be easy. Taking advantage of a disastrous and sad situation hoping to profit for yourself is despicable. So....I *totally* understand what you were talking about in your original post. We should all be helping those kids reunite with family in Haiti, the proud nation they come from. I think donations are the best way to go for the average American, but for all of those who previously had adoptions pending there and were already matched, I hope the kids get here safely.

Ya amanda I was just gonna say that... it may be in the news but I think alot of why its in the news is because of the press. They take an idea and run with it sometimes when they have the back up info other times when they are grasping at straws for a "new and exciting story" and unfortunatly for those kids that is them. And on a side note... I personally dont think that many americans see the Haiti disaster and think "I am gonna adopt a kid to save them" (and this may be a bad joke coming up but I am still gonna type it...) Unless ofcourse you are Brangalina and can afford to have 500 kids :D

Yes. You hit it on the head of what I was talking about. I wasn't talking about those already in contact with children or that sort of thing. If they've been working on it for the length of time it's been stated here that they have and they've gotten to know the child etc that's different. If they truely love the child and feel they are already family the worry for them I can understand. It's just the idea of, "Hey wow, cool, they have babies going to be coming up for adoption! Let's go "save" them. Without a thought in the world that their own families are going to be looking for them through all this and they are going to be wanting them back in their lives. And all the devestation they're dealing with now. I do have a problem with other thought of adoption where the baby is taken and it is assumed they aren't loved by anyone and so are being "saved" from this horrible life. My own baby was basically assumed to not have been loved because I gave her away. No one cared about the circumstances or anything else than, "HOW could a mother just throw her baby away and give it to another couple UNLESS she didn't love it???" That's the mentality I can't stand either. But these poor kids in that country going through all they are now, if people want to help them find their families and they are sincere in that desire before the child is taken for adoption (after this crisis I'm talking about) then so be it for the child's sake. All children deserve a loving home somewhere. I do have a thought though about how everyone is so much more interested in helping the children that they forget that they have families that need help too. Adults need food, shelter, medical care etc. Not just the children. But it seems the children are the only ones anyone ever thinks about or mentions. But yes to the question about what I was talking about in general and why it upset me. Rylee