open adoption

I met my daughters parents in their house for the first time.It's all about what you're comfortable with.My opinion (for myself) was - if they expect me to trust them to raise my child...then there is going to have to be a certain amount of trust coming from their side.A "neutral location" would have been a red flag for me - but I'm not suggesting it's that way for everyone. Good luck :)

Thanks for sharing. I guess when we met with our agency they explained that if expectant mother wanted to meet it would be at agency. So we never considered having them to our house for the first time. It gives me something to think about.

When I was pregnant with my placed son, I was alert for signs that the prospective adoptive parents didn't trust me, which to my mind would have meant that I couldn't trust them, especially to maintain an OA agreement. If I had asked to visit at their home and they had suggested a neutral location first, it would have been a red flag. A woman looking to place her child for adoption is in a weirdly vulnerable position, and has to make a leap of faith; I think it's better to give her reasons to trust you even if that means taking a small leap yourself. Just my two cents.

Thanks Susie. We have considered that as well. We aren't saying we would never have them to our house but would like to speak or meet with them first. Especially since the agency hasn't personally met them. I guess I am just cautious.

I find it interesting that birthmothers would take that as a red flag. Of course, I'm also kind of surprised that an expectant mom would want the first meeting to be at the PAP's house. I would think that meeting on "their turf" for lack of a better term, would be more difficult than at, say, a nearby restaurant or something. I wouldn't want to go to a stranger's house and no, I wouldn't want complete strangers in my house. I think a meeting before the birth at the PAP's house makes sense, but I think it's in everyone's best interest to be cautious for the first visit. And yes, I have to mention: Some small, teeny, tiny percentage of expectant parents aren't looking to place at all. There very well may be an infinitesimal number of people who really are looking to case the place. Finally, of course people don't trust someone they've never met, in person, online, or on the phone. That's just common sense. :hippie:

I agree with rredhead. I wouldn't go to the store and invite a stranger to come to my home. On the flip side, I would very likely not ask them to let me parent their child either! I think the trust has to be earned on both sides. I understand the two birth mothers who have posted and I see where they're coming from, however. Personally, I would be uncomfortable having a stranger come to my home. Just because someone is an emom doesn't mean I stop being cautious about who can come to my home.

Our first and second meetings were in public places, for what it's worth--I wouldn't want to go to someone's home for a first meeting. But I do think that women making an adoption plan know how much they will need the adoptive parents to be 100 percent onboard for an open adoption to work, and are often looking for signs that the aparents aren't actually into it/don't trust her/etc.