Question about Life book

Don't include the obo until he's older and knows more of is history.

A life book doesn't have to include the birth certificate - at least not until you're ready to include it. I think you have some genuine concerns and holding off on including his original birth certificate doesn't mean you're hiding his past from him.

this is just me and what has worked here with my now 7 year old....i'm in no way implying this is what will be best for you. fyi.... based on her history, his mom is dangerous.: i don't worry about him knowing her full name at all. it is his mom. i don't believe she would EVER hurt him. i don't think she can parent him, but i don't think she would hurt him either. she might hurt me. lol. but i don't fear her. my son knows his birth name, has seen his obc, pictures of his mom, and knows his first parents' full names. my son isn't googling at 7....and even my teens only have access to a computer when i am in the room. i suppose they might be able to google at school....but all of them know their story...even the 7 year old. he knows his mother's criminal record. we tell our children when their parents are back in jail. the 7 year old knows why his mother was unable to parent him, knows why he needed to be adopted. we have communicated that his mother loved him (i am positive she does), but have been very honest and forth coming about the life she leads. he is 7.....i am surprised by his maturity in handling the information. for him, it is right for him to know his story at this age. it is his story to know...and he is clearly capable of having this information at this age. i'd want him to show it to me bc i have yet to find it myself. i frequently search for signs of her....and the parents and families of my other children. i'm pretty aware of what is out there....should my teens find something i didn't know about...i have asked them to tell me about it so we can talk about it. when i find things i do the same. i have the same plan for my 7 year old. when i run across pictures of his family, i save them for him. i will tell him the same thing if he finds something. we are super open about their histories and connections....and it works for us. me either....which is why he has already heard it from me. he always knew most of his story from the time he was a baby (adopted at 15 months)....i think he got the rest of his story when he was about 5(incarceration details, etc). if i haven't told him something at this point it is just because i forgot about it. he had lots of questions then....and it angered him that his mother made poor decisions that placed he and his siblings in harms way. i did not act angry with him, just reassured him, and allowed him to work through his emotions about the situation. i am careful not to color his perception of his mom....i want his thoughts about it to be his own. i don't think you are being paranoid....i think you are being protective. only you know your child and what he is capable of handling. i was mostly paranoid about what my child would think of me when they were older if they thought i had hidden something from them....but every situation is different.that being said....all of my children have a "life book" of sorts. i use the lifebook as more of a quick this is where you came from, and this was your life from placement with us until adoption. our life books are much more happy adoption books. the nitty gritty stuff....obc, criminal records, court documents are in a seperate safe. all of our children know what we have, have seen most of it or know about it, and have been told that these items are theirs, they belong to them, and they will be given to them after they are 18 and have graduated from highschool. mostly because i do not want them to make child-like decisions about adult documents. if they decide to destroy items, i want it to be an adult decision. (i will be keeping a copy of their obc regardless just in case something happens to theirs....but everything else i will just turn over.)

mommytoeli: Your kid knows all the details about the incarceration? My 2 youngest have a bio dad who's incarcerated for a real heinous crime. they know he's there but I've whitewashed the crime - they were 8 and 7 when they were told. They do know he's in jail for a long time. But my kids (teen included) go on the computer in the basement when I'm home. I also check the history.

Thank you for your input mommytoEli! I very much appreciate the time you spent. His mother's criminal record actually didn't start until after he was in care, so it's not really related to his adoption story. Since it was not the reason why he came to be with us, I had not included it in his information before, but I will think about doing so now. I was not planning on continuing to search for signs of her over time, and honestly I am not sure how my husband would feel about that, but I kind of like that idea. It certainly would make searching for her later easier if he decides to do so.So now my question is... if I reveal that his mother has a criminal record of prostitution (which I can't even conceive explaining to a 2 year old), then how do I handle his feelings when he is old enough to put together the fact that that may be why we don't know who his father is?

My son's lifebook gives the full names of both parents, but luckily for me,they both have very common names. He can Google away, search MySpace or Facebook, and I don't think he'd ever find them. I have searched MySpace and FB for bio family members and I've only found one. It seems a more likely scenario would be that his bio parents would search for him one day and find him as his name is less common. Regarding whether bioparents are in or out of jail, I don't share that info with him as incarceration doesn't figure in to why he went into foster care. To be clear, my son went into care as a newborn and never had a relationship with either bio parent. For a child who has had a relationship with a bioparent and who wants to continue that relationship, I'd have to handle the situation differently.