Discussing adoption with Bio child

I think if you'll go to the general forum, there's a thread about all of the abreviations..... Our family has adopted many times....(babies) internationally, (older) through the foster care system, and many times (babies) through private agencies/attorneys. (We're older too, both 53 and have four little ones still at home.) Let me explain the down-side of it first: Your son is right. Things will change. It will all be different. Our experiences with older child adoption were not good. It deeply affected our relationship with our--then, pre-teen children....and not in good ways. Because of the very tough times we went through, we went back to infant adoptions. (There are very long stories here, but I've cut to the chase.) Adopting older children is NOT like adopting infants. Most older children have significant issues that are deeply engrained. Many have attachment issues that are tough to live with and the effort and concerns and trials will make you HAVE to give a lot of attention to that new child. The good side of this is: Not all children are as deeply affected; though I have to add that the older the child, generally, the more affected they've become....if for no other reason, just being in the foster care system so long. It's much easier to bond (both ways) with a younger child or infant. Also, your son is at a point where he's going on with his life. He has his own hopes and dreams and I daresay, it's not uncommon for a 'kid' to want his home life to stay the same....just part of being a kid. I"m also going to assume he's always been the only child? This makes it even more difficult to understand why mom and dad would choose to want another child.... BUT...he's going to go out into the world and find his own place. (Even if he is staying home to attend college.) YOU.....have hopes and dreams too.......and your dream sounds as though you'd like to have another child. NOTHING wrong with this at all. I had older children who thought we were crazy at times to want to have more children...and one time my husband told them this: "You have your dreams. Your mom and I have ours. You need to go out and fulfill your dreams, make your life (you have our blessings on this); BUT, to have more children is OUR dream (and you can be a part of it too if you want).... But just because you don't agree with us, doesn't mean we can't go on with OUR dreams...because you'll have your own, just like we did when we were your age, and even now...' I think it made perfect sense. And if you're really wanting to adopt a daughter as part of your dreams...that's good and honest stuff. Nothing wrong with it at all as long as you fulfill it as your dream and not make your determination on what he wants as part of HIS life. Hope that helps. Please feel free to pm (private message) me if you'd like. Good luck! Sincerely, Linny