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I am reaching out to this community in hopes of getting insight and getting assistance on an issue that I have had over the past 11 months.
In April of last year I was approached by a female who I had a close relationship with back from 1991- 1994. In December 1993 this friend of mine found out she was pregnant. I was ready to do everything I could to assist and support her with the child, because I knew it was very possibly my child. And I was ready to assume my responsible part. At that time she was animate that the child was not mine. She claims she did something very rebellious when she went back home to Ohio. That was when the pregnancy took place.
Either way, I was ready to do my part to be there for her and the child. The woman did not want to commit to a relationship with me, or anyone and at that time she didnt know what she was going to do. I continued to support her and do everything I could to support her the unborn child. Then sometime in April 1994, she left Spartanburg, South Carolina, and I never heard anything else of her. I did not know where she went, and she never tried to reach to me for anything else.
In April 2010 she found me on Facebook, I was glad to hear from her. I was glad to find out she was doing well. We both have since gotten our own families, and children. I asked her about the child she was with, asked her how the child was and asked if the child had a relationship with the father. She proceeded to tell me that the child was adopted to a loving family in whatҒs called a Open AdoptionԔ just a few days after she was born. It was also at that time she told me that I was the father of the child.
I really felt awkward at that time when she told me that, but this was her choice, to do what she did, she was 21, and adult, she did what she did.
I am reaching out to find out the proper way to reach out to the adoptive Parents. I fully respect that they are the parents, and the daughter is part of their family.
But I have heard of so many people who wonder about, who their father is, and who their mother is. I do not want that to take place with her with the girl.
The girl is 16 now, and I am sure she has enough to worry about with school, and whatever a 16 year old girl has to worry about. But what I would like to do is just reach out to the adoptive parents, Let them know who I am, and let them know when and if the girl ever questions about her real father. That she can know who to come to first.
This has been something that has been haunting me since I found out about it. The woman who I had the relationship with is married and has her own family, I really do not want to impose on them. I am married and I have a loving wife and two boys I love dearly. But I feel I need to reach out to the parents, just to let them know. If she ever asks, and wants to know. They will know me.
Can you offer any insight or any guidance to me, and in your experience what is the right thing to do. I could go and let her live her life and just never say anything. But since I found out that she may be my daughter,, I really donŒt know how to feel.
Thank you for any assistance you can offer
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"or might be in a medical situation in which I could assist"
The man just found out about her and just offered up a kidney. Now THAT is a father. All jokes aside I just met my 16 year old daughter this year. We text, chat on facebook and she came to visit my family and I for a few days to meet her siblings. here's what I did and what worked for me. I told the parents that I wanted to know her as much as I could but that its was 100% up to them how much contact we had. That immediately disarmed them I think and allowed them to think rationally about it. They have been wonderful and my daughter and I have built a great relationship. You've taken the first step, the rest is truly up to them. Be open minded about the situation, try to consider the parents feelings, and let the things follow their natural course. I think it will turn out ok, I hope so.
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sfreeman6
Well the parents finally responded to my letter, I am pleased that they did, I was acknowledged by the father, and IF she asks about me after she turns 18 they will give her my contact information.... So i guess i will just go on, with my life,and wait for that day to come..
what exactly is the reunion agency, and I appreciate that insight. BTW is there anything else i can do , to kind of make it easier for them, or her. to find me if it resorts to her finding me on her efforts.For all i know they may not tell her.
I am going to keep my word and just now wait for them to reach out to me.
That is what a reunion registry is for, to make it easier to reunite!
[url=http://www.isrr.net]ISRR - International Soundex Reunion Registry[/url] is the International Soundex Reunion Registry and is the one I recommend to everyone. I was lucky and didn't need a registry when I searched but I live in a pretty small state.
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Thanks Belle, i have registered in the state that she was in, and they have done responded to me and said there is no one registered in by her name yet, and they will keep my information.
also I started a blog a few weeks ago, since i cant directly reach otu to her, i put her name in the blog, and i am just posting things on that blog, my feeling how i am dealing with it, and the turmoil and just the excitement when i do finally have the ability to reach out to her. if she ever googles her name there will be two things she will find, she will see where I her name and my name are registered on this website, and she will also see the blog i created.
On the blog there are answers to some questions to her, but more importantly there is a link to bring us together if she looks.
I will not directly reach to her in any way, after she turns 18, that will be inner battle i have to fight at that point. But i will do this and just hope for the best....
thanks for the advise though....it is appreciated...
Hi Scott, thanks for the kind words. Would love to talk with someone who knows how difficult this is. I am planning on calling her this weekend. Found her by accident. Not even sure that she is the right one. I have 2 names that are possible. I think she is the one I've been looking for.99% positive she is, but have run into many dead ends in the past. John sodak57@live.com
Hello, I really hope u don't mind me posting but I first seen ur story when I had mine all start year and half ago my birth father found me after 27 yrs, he turned out to b v selfish man who has now told me he doesn't want to know me anymore but.... Anyway I wanted to say you sound such a kind hearted man and I wish u happiness in the future.
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@ Star, I really appreciate it...
I guess now would be as just as good time to update as to where i stand with this situation. Back in September my daughter turned 18, and i attempted to make contact with her. She did not respond to me, she responded to her birthmother (because they have a relationship) THe birthmoter reached out to me and advised me that as of now, she has no desire to investigate me, nor her birthfather. As far as she goes, she has her parents.
Thearing that did hurt, however, I reached out to her, and gave her the option. I now have a peace about this, because up untill that point, I did not know hwere she stood. Her birthmother knows how to reach me, and the adoptive parents know how to reach me, All i can do now is respect her wishes, and live my live and be there for my wife and sons. Yes it did hurt to hear that, but i am a bib boy, I will get over it. What is more important to me is she is happy, and I did what was right....
Untill something else happens with this. I wish all of you peace with you each and own situations. It is not easy to come to, but with each day, it gets a little easier......for now...