years of emotional abuse by adoptive mom

I can relate to how you're feeling. Although my adoptive mother was not emotionally abusive, she has been emotionally manipulative for years (obviously, neither is good). My adoptive mother and I had a major blow out (I finally stood up for myself) four years ago. She wasn't interested in listening to anything that I had to say (how the situation made me feel). She was too self absorbed and more concerned with her own feelings and defending her actions. She sent me a nasty and very angry email and I must say this was a defining moment for me... I realized the relationship was unhealthy for me(for numerous reasons) and I needed to distance myself from her.... and that is exactly what I did! Have there been repercussions to this decision, yes, there has. I haven't spoken to my adoptive father in nearly four years. I am not as close to my siblings (their biological children) as I once was (partly for different reasons). My birth mother is deceased and I have no relationship with my birth father. Thankfully, I do have my husband and his extended family members. I do not regret this decision. This is a choice I needed to make for me! I feel better about myself in general then at any other point in my life and I am 41 years old. Oddly enough, I almost feel like a completely different person. Don't get me wrong, I love my adoptive family but I need to love them from afar (does this make sense?). Subsequently, the past few months, my adoptive mother and I have been communicating via email and discussing specific issues quite openly (much to my surprise). I think this much needed space has allowed not only myself, but for her as well, to gain more perspective of our overall relationship (from my childhood to adulthood). I'm taking the relationship slowly in the hope of developing a new and healthy relationship based on mutual respect, better communication, sensitivity, and personal boundaries. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone!! Feel free to email me if you'd like. ~ Denise