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Hello,
first, let me introduce myself, I'm 44 and my wife is 43, we have 2 children: son (17) and daughter (15), we are a French family living in Texas :us-texas: since 8 years under green card.
We are considering adoption but we have doubts...
The main one being the relationship between a adopted kid and our previous children who are about to leave the house within the 2/3 next years, we are afraid there will be no bonding if they do not leave together, so it may remain just a stranger for them ;(
My daughter is very enthusiastic about it and will support us ("as soon as we do not wake her up during the night or early morning :cheer: ), but my 17 son seem "jealous" or nervous that we will "start a new family" without him. He wants out of our house as soon as possible, but it worries him that we may go back to Disney Land with another kid :confused:...
Of course we are a little afraid for our ages, but we are very active and fit, so we assume we should be able to "handle" it (my wife even consider twins ;). From what I have seen in those forums, it does not seem to be a big issue (the grandparent question is kind of scary but hey I have seen more embarrassing)...
Last issue is that we cannot proceed with international adoption while under green card, so we have to wait until 2013 for the Citizenship, but we hope to be able to start the process and get everything aligned and happening in the same time, so we will start the home study process quickly...
Thanks for reading me and all feedback will be highly appreciated...
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You obviously have some time if you have to wait until 2013....but, reading about and being educated about the many ways of adoption will help you later....
Your ages aren't far out of range. We adopted our first baby at 23yrs of age; and our last baby at 52yrs of age. You'll find that overall, older parents adopting is becoming more and more common.
As for the relationship with your other children......this is entirely a personal matter. For us...having grown children while starting another one (and several other ones, I might add).......I think my dh put it best when he told the oldest ones something akin to this:
"This is our dream (to adopt more). You are now grown and you'll have your own set of dreams too. But, your dreams won't necessarily be our dreams. Sooo, whether you agree with this (adopting)wholeheatedly or not really doesn't matter. This is our dream and what we want to do with our lives.
While that might sound harsh....it is---true. Our children are only 'ours' for a short time but eventually, they have to live their own lives. Whether to have more children or not, is YOUR choice, not theirs. The choice to recognize the new children as sibs---will be---their choice---not yours.
The bottom line then is: Do you live your lives for you and your choices---or for them and theirs?
Personal choice, like I said. You'll have to decide.
Sincerely,
Linny
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We are 41 and 46 and adopting twins (if all goes as planned; we are matched and babies due in sept.). We have a 17 year old from my husbands first marriage. She is really happy and excited, but has had a lot of questions and concerns...is she being replaced (of course not), can she still have friends over (yes, babies can't live in a museum), will we still have alone time with her (yes, but probably not just the three of us), will there still be enough money for her to go to college (yes, we aren't stealing from your college fund to finance an adoption). Your kids will come up with tons of their own questions. The key is to be as open as you can and answer everything honestly. When we talked to her about it initially and she helped pick pictures for the scrapbook everything was great. When we were matched and it became more real, more of her fears came out. She remains more excited than anything, but we continue to ask her if she has questions. We are all in this together.As for the age thing...oh well. Benefits and drawbacks whether you are older or younger parents.Best of luck to you!
First, thanks you all for your quick answers :thanks:
Yes, Questioning, you understanding correctly, both of us having a green card prevent us to adopt internationally (or rather, we can adopt but we could not bring our child back in the US ;( On the other hand, I pretty sure it is possible for us to adopt domestically
The goal in our project is similar to a lot of other people on this forum: keep the fun of parenting going and share the blessing to live in a house with a loving familyŅ.
I may have the wrong idea about the domestic adoption, but it seems that there is more parents trying to adopt than babies needing an adoption (hence higher layers cost for researchӔ and (even research marketingӔ as I saw on an agency web site? ). I guess I need to do more research on this aspect then :confused:
Again, thanks for your answers, I will continue to read on this subject :fish:
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