antisocial disorder, executive function deficit and emotional disorder

I have four adopted kids, two of which (daughters) are Borderline Personality Disordered, and a son who may be APD/NPD (antisocial or narcissistic) personality disordered. (Some say NPD/APD are the male versoins of BPD). Many of the behaviors are similar (lying, deceit, rage, splitting behaviors, substance abuse, etc. BPD additional has extreme idealization/devaluation in relationships, often includes self-harm/suicidality, etc). The DSM is being revised and one major change is grouping of the 'personality disorders' into a spectrum of Emotional (dis)Regulation Disorders, and also to include the reality that children under age 18 can have these issues. In any case, learning skills of either MBT or DBT (mentalization therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy) can be very useful for the child and for you as the parent. At first, I really objected to that second part - e.g., why the heck should Hubby or I have to change when we functioned just fine for 40+ years of our lives? Over time I have learned though, that learning these skills is useful within all areas of my life, not just for my kids, because it helped me learn what true validation is/is not, how boundaries are very different than rules, etc. From learning this, I could see how one therapist in particular was very problematic and made our situation worse (we knew it at the time, but did not have the 'proper words' for the problems that were happening). I recommend two books: Anything to stop the pain by Bon Dobbs - has THE best descriptions I have seen of the skills and how to apply them. He has a BPD wife and daughter (my worst nightmare - its been hard enough dealing with children, I could not imagine if it were my spouse!) Boundaries (with Teens, with Children, in Marriage: there are a number of these books by these authors) by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend. - these books really focus on what boundaries are/are not, explores why they are important and how they can play out in relationships when they are weak or non-existant, and in the teens version, provides suggestions for what to do with extreme problematic behaviors. Note for Non-Christians: Cloud and Townsend are counselors / psychologists, but are also Christians and their books include biblical references - I do not feel that these change the information gleaned from them in any way, but I know that some may want to know in advance of deciding to purchase.

Thanks for the insite. Sine my post, narcisstic personality disorder has been mentioned and appears to be very likely as is the antisocial. The BPD is still on the table, but seems less likely. I appreciate the information on the books. I am a reader and that is how I am able to fill my head with needed help. Thanks again.

You're welcome. If I can prevent even one person to short-cut the long struggle I had in getting the needed skills and information that would help me wade thru the disorder soup and separate some of it from adoption issues, it is worth it. I am glad to hear you like to read, I would recommend starting with Bon's book first, as he also covers boundaries really well. The boundaries books basically give reinforcement that what Bon is saying is supported by knowledgeable therapists. good luck and keep us posted.