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Originally Posted By MTMMy daughter just turned three months and I want her to have siblings and am thinking of adopting an older child in a year or two. I imagine the older child needs a little more attention that is why I want to wait. I am also hoping financially my husband and I will be in a better spot and I can stay home. Since this site is about bonding and I would like to know about that please let me know how it was with you with the older children. I know with a baby it was not hard at all. I know I will have no problem loving an older child, but will they love me and my husband? Anything would really help.
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Originally Posted By CynicThe love may be expressed differently and it may take time to develop. An older child may need lots of reassurance and stability before they allow themselves to trust or love someone, but they can provide as much or more love than any other child. Some are just anxiously waiting for someone to love.Just remember that love can be expressed differently and may be confusing at times. What teenager hasn't said they hate their parents, but love them dearly?
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Originally Posted By CPMommyI wish I could tell you. That's exactly the question I originally came to these boards to ask. It will be at least another month before our children are placed with us.Anyone out there that has done it PLEASE RESPOND.My father-in-law adopted a severely neglected child at the age of three and she is now almost 16. She was so neglected that she has blocked out a lot of her memories of before her adoption. She's so bonded that she tells my husband that their father is only her father bacause she has papers on him and my husband his bio child doesn't. Good luck and take the time to enjoy your baby before you add the the family if possible. I have a two year old and I hope it's not too soon.LOL (lots of love)Cathy
Originally Posted By CynicTo be honest, I really don't know much about guardianship, so I have stayed out of that argument. I do think that the role of guardianship would have a negative impact on the child. I believe children need to feel wanted and loved and that guardianship takes away from that. I do think that with adoption, it is really important to be open and honest about the adoption(this statement is not an accusation). I think that with older child adoption, there is an increased need to not just be a guardian, because the state has played that role, but to be a parent. They especially need love, honesty and stability, which would be better provided by being a parent rather than a guardian, in my opinion.