Advertisements
This past Tuesday we were temporarily matched with a birthmom who acted like she really wanted us to parent her baby boy just wanted to meet us to make sure. So we traveled 9.5 hours to her town to meet with her. We had a very good meeting, and "A" (birthmom) talked as if she had already picked us. We had brought little boy clothes and the car seat along and everything else you need when a baby is about to be born. See, "A" could deliver anytime. It was a pretty good possibility she could have given birth while we were there. Anyway, we began to hope very concretely... talked about the little baby, using the boy's name we had picked out for our son... etc. We blew Thursday in bmom's town, trying to keep our minds off of the uncertainty and difficulty of waiting and wondering. But Friday morning we got word that it was all over. I bawled, and my husband was hurting pretty bad, too. We went home Friday yet, coming home emptier than we left. We went with the expectation (because of what the birthmom and social worker were saying) of coming home with either a baby or the promise of one. Now everywhere we turn, it feels like we are reminded of this and that about our time in bmom's town and all its attending hopes and pain. Anyway, tears are running pretty close these days... my husband doesnŒt cry like I do, and is not as quick to voice his thoughts to others, but he is hurting deeply as well.
Are we the only ones who feel like this? How have the rest of you handled this?
Like
Share
I'm sorry for your loss. My husband and I had a failed match before our daughters were born. The baby had already been born, mom chose us, we traveled 10 hours by car, met the baby, changed diapers, counted fingers and toes, and named her. The next morning, we got the news that mom decided to parent. Even harder for us was that the baby was ultimately taken by CPS because she tested positive for morphine at birth.
It was horribly painful for us, but we kept going on and eight months later our twins were born. We had a seamless placement with them.
Hang in there!
Advertisements
All I can say is stay positive, your child will find you.
We also had a failed match. BMom changed her mind after knowing the baby's gender, about 3 months before she was born. She did not bother to call us or the agency, she simply disappeared on us. We were very hurt by her actions, we were nice to her, she should have told us instead of keeping us wondering for weeks.
Our daughter was born 10 months after the failed match. We are happy that we did not give up.
Hang in there!
It sucks bigtime. Take time to morn. It isn't easy, but will hurt less with time. However, you will never forget. It all brought similar emotions from having miscarried several times, almost losing our fd, and having lost a custody battle with my ex. Nothing hurts worse than losing your children. I keep trying to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and have hope that maybe the next one is meant to be. My thoughts are with all of you! :)