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after many years of searching, I found my daughter about a week ago. I spoke to her on the phone for a long time that first night. We both learned that we lived in the same small town and knew many people and places in commen.
I come from a very large family, 14 children, we know a lot of people, so many of the people we know, know my daughter.
The first few days were great and we were flying high, my grown sons were so excited at the prospect of meeting thier only sister. My husband was supportive and tried to keep my feet on the ground. Then the reunion. It was amazing! We hugged, cried, talked for three hours. We couldn't get enough of each other. We spoke about her life, and her relationship with her Afamily. It was very sketchy. She said she had a great life growing up, but didn't really have a lot to do with her Afamily any more. She hadn't spoken to her Amom for a month or more and she has three small boys??? We decided to meet again at my house so that she could meet her brothers and my grandchildren and I could meet her children and fiance.
The next day I recieved a call from her, she asked if she could stop over and show me pics of the kids and say hello. She said she would have the boys along and the fiance so I could meet them. I said ok. Anyway when they got here, they asked to borrow money. I gotta say I was flored. I didn't know what to say. I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. The next day I did some checking and found out that his family has filed a restraining order against them for stealing money and pills. She does not have a criminal history, but has a history of drug use and stealing from family and just plain using people. Her Amom spoke with my sister and and basicly told her that my daughter is like a lost puppy who has been searching for love in all the wrong places. I'm so confused, where do I go from here.
I am not a stranger to drug abuse, my own children went through it so I've lived through it and helped my boys seek help. Now I just have to pray and figure this out. All this happened within a week. I'm exausted.
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I am so sorry for all that you are going through right now.
I think you know what not to do from your experience with your sons. You can't give her money and you can't allow her to use you or the family.
I believe in honesty so I would advice you to have a conversation with her. Tell her what you heard about her from the aparents. Discuss this and both your expectations about your new relationship. If she is using drugs whe will probally lie to you, or dump you if you are of no use to her. But at least you will have tried to have an honest relationship with her.
Good luck, I hope things improve in her life and that you will be able to have a good relationship with her. But in this point in her life it won't be easy.
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thanks for your kind words. I do know the ins and outs of drug use from experience. I just hope I'm strong enough to go through it again. There are so many young people going through this and my heart goes out to them. I am going to be very careful. Maybe meet on nuetral ground and no money for sure. My husband said the same thing you did about being honest and laying it on the line. Just sad that it is not better for her and her afamily.
Reunions are always a gamble and are rarely up to expectations. These are harsh words but you need to protect yourself and your family from this girl and her fiance.
When I met my birth mother, I would not have, under any circumstances, mentioned or asked for money.
Unfortunately, until this young woman has sorted out her life, you must insist that neither she nor her partner can have any contact with you or your family. Only when you are convinced that she is 'clean' should you consider contact.
And definitely do NOT give her any money under any circumstances!
I hope this advice has helped and good luck