Adoptee how would you feel if you found out your birth mom was trying to contact you?

i am married to an adult adoptee and also an a parent. i guess i can say only that some kids don't express an interest in knowing more about bparents until they are older. and from my experience boys/men handle things differently than girls/women. i will say my hubby was curious about finding his bfamily but only after college...his brother has never had any interest. even my hubby as an adoptee and a parent said he never wanted to be contacted before he was an adult. in any event, not to be a jerk...but i think you need to follow his parent's lead...at least until he is an adult...good luck.

I would be angry that my parents withheld information about my birth parents. I would have to try to understand where they are coming from. As far as being adopted, for some its an issue and for others its no big deal. I'm proud of it :) If you guys are meant to meet then it will happen. You can try to wait until he is 18. I would try to focus on the good that was said instead of the bad. Hope this helped

I've wondered about how this dynamic would feel. It's something I've never had to experience as my a-parents were always quite open that I was adopted and my b-parents never searched for me. Still, I wonder... As adoptees I think we struggle to varying degrees with some common issues: abandonment, insecurity, not knowing where we came from or who we really are and so on. Sometimes if we were adopted quite young but that fact was withheld from us until later in life, I imagine that could be quite a bombshell to handle. Our entire frame of reference can be tossed aside in a moment. Now, as an adoptee, in addition to all that how would it feel to find out that our parents withheld that kind of information? Isn't that potentially heaping one secret on top of another? I can imagine some really ugly feelings. Ugh...

I would love to find out that my birth parents were looking for me. I have searched myself to no ability to find them. I have bm first name but nothing else.

My son & I have been in reunion for three years now. His bfather asked him several times over the years if he wanted to meet me and he was not ready until he was 25 years old. I'm not sure why he choose that time to find me other than he was just in the right place at that time to be ready. I wish you all the best and ask you to trust in God's timing.

Sorry, I meant to say his adoptive father.

Thank you for sharing! I was given up for adoption and am now hoping my birth mother is looking for me. I honestly didnt care about it until the last few years. Not that I didnt love my birth mother, or respect her, I just didnt want to pursue another family. If he is not interested, he will be someday.

I would be overjoyed if my birth mother or father was looking for me! It's what I've dreamed if since I was adopted when I was 5 & I'm 34 now. The way my adoptive parents acted its very possible they could've tried to make contact but were turned away. I had a unique situation b4 I was adopted where I lived w aunts & uncles & cousins after I was removed from my bm's care. The last set I was very close to my cousins & even talked on phone w them after I was adopted. A mom decided to stop that & never spoke to them again. Hole in my heart where my family should be. Always felt like something was missing. Cut off a fam 8yrs ago for so many reasons... But yes my dreams would come true if my birth family wanted to talk to me!

Unless he contacts you I am sorry but you will have to wait until he is 18 to try to establish contact. We had an open adoption that was closed almost immediately after the papers were signed by the adoptive parents. I never dreamed I would hear from my child until after she was 18. But she found us and contacted us in her teens even though her adoptive parents told her we were dead. So you never know what the future holds. And I was very suprised to find out that the adoptive parents had lied to her. I am not saying that the adoptive parents of your child are being less then truthful to you but you never know. I find it sad that your son's adoptive parents will not give you updates on him. In fact I find it cruel. What harm would it do to give you an update and pics a few times a year? Anyways......good luck in the future.

I would be estatic if my birth mother contacted me. I have never seen her, I was 3 months when I was taken from her by the County Welfare Dept in 1951 and she disappeared after that. My adopted mom has always been very supportive of my search to find my mother, and she has "adopted" all my other siblings, half siblings, cousins, nieces and nephews that I have found over the years - including my nephew who is in Arizona Prison - she writes to him weekly. I consider myself very fortunate to have her, but I do have a longing to find my birth mother and I've been searching for her since I was 16 (1966).

This is a Great question, and one that has run through my mind a thousand times... How would I feel if one of my birth mother or family members contacted me, we'll first after picking myself up off the floor and calming my heart.. I would love it, sure it would be a little scary but WOW!! :)

I would welcome the opportunity to have family, almost any family.Having searched for more than 60 years I know it's not going to happen. BUT, if it did, yes..I would welcome it.I wish you the best.

I would be elated if my birth parents were looking for me. I have tried to find them for years I thought when I turned 18 they would look for me. I am now 35 & have yet be contacted.

Hi Ellimacsab, I don't have a lot of advice to give, but as a male adoptee, my suggestion for your evaluation, is to go to Facebook.Many adoptees have re-united thru this social media.Place whatever info you feel is important and wait to see what happens.If he finds you and wants to meet, he can get to know you before F2F happens and when he wants the meeting will be his choice.In talking with many forum posters here, adoptees in almost every scenario were interested in their b-moms feelings regarding them. The 2 most prominent questions were, "did you love me when you gave me up?" and "do you still love me now?"Judging by the amount of grief and loss expressed by many b-moms, they loved the children they gave up.I wish you the best.

Not sure if there are words to express my happiness I would feel if she was searching for me. I think I've always had that wish that she is. I know myself there's that piece of me that always seems to be an empty hole. I also think bc I did live with my mother until I was 3 and do have memories of her, I've always thought one day I'd see her again. I lived w aunts & uncles til I was adopted so I had a loving family. My adoption experience was horrible bc I never bonded or accepted my adoptive fam. I blame them tho bc they really went about it the wrong way. At 5yrs old my adoptive mom said we're ur fam now forget about everything u ever knew deal w it. But I never belonged. I wasn't like them. I always hoped my birth mom would come and rescue me and take me home. To my real home, my real family. Then I grew up & realized that was just a dream & it wasn't going to happen. Now I have a 2yr old son who's the light of my life and it pains me that he doesn't know my side of the family. I haven't spoken to my adoptive fam in 12yrs. They refused to come to my wedding bc I wouldn't get married in a Catholic Church & that was the last straw for me. They never accepted me for who I really am, just wanted me to be a copy of them. Perfect example of nature vs nurture. I am about to be 36 & still dream of reuniting w my mother. I wonder does she think of me, does she miss me, have I ever seen her & didn't know... I have so much love in my heart for her, I always will. I hope she is looking for me. I am looking for her.