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First of all, I am NOT trying to start a debate. I am not trying to get flamed. I am just trying to understand.....I have wondered this for a long time and well, I am finally ready to bite the bullet and ask!I know that foster children receive a stipend to help reimburse the fp for expenses they incur for taking care of the child. I also know that it's usually far below what the foster parent actually spends on the child. So I get it, I understand it. Definitely needed! I was a foster parent years ago and I completely agree that it's necessary!But, what I don't understand is why some children that are perfectly HEALTHY continue to get the stipend AFTER they are adopted. Medical card, I understand, but a stipend to help pay for the childs basic needs? I just don't get it. Just trying to see the reasoning behind it. Maybe since I adopted privately I see things differently. BUT, that being said, I just can't imagine getting a stipend for my son that happens to be adopted. He is just as much mine as my bios are and I sure don't get reimbursed for their care. And whether or not I got a monthly check for his care would NOT have been a determining factor in whether I adopted him or not.SO why do HEALTHY children that are adopted continue to get a stipend? I don't believe it's because they wouldn't be adoptable otherwise....too many people want to adopt. Just trying to understand:)
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My situation blows me away sometimes. I apologize if everyone has heard it a hundred times. I was matched for private adoption with a relative from 25 weeks until she gave birth. I took the baby home, loved her and two weeks later my relative, crushed with grief changed her mind and decided to parent. This relative was a teen mother of another child less than a year old. She had little support from her estranged parents and had a methamphetamine addiction. The children are of a minority ethnicity. Fast foward 9 months later and I got a call from CPS. I am a licensed foster parent and my relatives children were taken into care. Could I take them for three months during the black out period for the rehab she agreed to go to? I could not say no. There are a lot more details in our story but long story short these precious children are now legally my babies.:love: My point is, the same child I was going to pay thousands of dollars in attorney fees and homestudy costs I have adopted through foster care. I paid nothing except a few misc expenses and am receiving an adoption stipend for them due to their drug and alcohol exposure, minority ethnicity, sibling group, and age. It blows me away the difference between private adoption and foster care adoption. I don't feel guilty taking the subsidy because I decided to try to have my own baby after the failed adoption and ended up with twins. I was not counting on raising four more children. Also-the children also went through a lot of trauma before being taken in and after with the roller coaster that is our foster care system. :mad: They have attachment issues that are hard to deal with at times and may blow up as they get older. Many problems with children do not become apparant until school age. I'm really worried about FAE due to their impulse control difficulties. I don't know what the answer is...I realize many who private adopt have many of the same issues. Believe me, I would have gladly exchanged the stipend to be able to adopt them without the two year roller coaster / anal probe we had to go through.
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luvbeingamom
the children also went through a lot of trauma before being taken in and after with the roller coaster that is our foster care system. :mad: They have attachment issues that are hard to deal with at times and may blow up as they get older. Many problems with children do not become apparant until school age.
I just wanted to point out (I know it was said before) but not all kids adopted from foster care receive the stipend. My DD is DX'd with cerebral palsy (a result of a pre-natal stroke she suffered due to the drugs her mother abused). We only got Medicaid, and even that is a fight since we moved to a new state.We probably could have fought for a cash subsidy, but we can manage with just medicaid.I struggle a bit with this, because I have a biological child who is far higher needs than our adopted child...I don't get a stipend for caring for him, why should I get a stipend for my adopted child. I'm not saying people shouldn't get it...I just kind of feel weird about it (and I know I'm not the only person who does).
mom2fabtwins
I think you have hit the issue exactly. I don't think a child can emerge from the foster care stsem unscathed. He/She may appear to be a HEALTHY child, but is usually a time bomb waiting to blow. How big of a blow it is is the real question.
ladyjubilee
I totally disagree. Yes, *some* kids that have been in care have issues that may not be expressed till later, but my experience has shown that there are a lot of great kids that do *not* have serious behavioral/mental health issues that have been adopted from care. I also know kids that have issues, that quite frankly had they been adopted into different families wouldn't have those issues. I know too many great healthy happy kids that were adopted from care-in some cases years ago-to believe that all or most child that have been in care are somehow time bombs waiting to go off.
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I bristle when people think my kids are not "normal" I see it as simply having a challenge. Attachment issues, anger issues from abuse and neglect, Drug and alcohol exposure...all challenges. My job is to help my children heal and adapt to the permanant challenges. I have a bio son who as a child had ADHD, exercise induced asthma, epilepsy, and some skeletal anomalies including a pigeon breast. That child is now a professional athlete, a college graduate with honors, and happily married. Like my bio son, we will work with our adopted children and give them every resourse to help them suceed dispite their challenges. The biggest hope I have for them is that they will grow up happy and productive. Sorry this is "off topic" but I had to respond to the current conversation. I can see both points of view on the subject of the burdens "our kids" face.
Jensboys
Just wanted to say I totally disagree with you. Unless you have lived with kids with disrupted attachments, prenatal exposures to drugs and alcohol, abuse survivors you can have NO IDEA the burdens those kids carry. Most kids present really well outside of the home, but do have issues in a home environment that are WAY different than what kids with no prenatal exposures, no attachment disruptions and no abuse have. To say that they don't and are "just fine" completely ignores all research, studies and information that is out there. THAT IS NOT TO SAY our kids can't have full, happy and productive lives, it is to say they are most certainly affected and needed specialized supports and dedicated parenting in ways that kids who have not experiences those things don't. LOVE does NOT cure all.
I find this discussion very interesting. My husband and I were trying to figure out the percentage of children that one could adopt from foster care with -0- special needs. The only situation I could think of is an infant taken into foster care at birth due to parents severe mental illness or developmental disability without drug or alcohol exposure. Safe Haven babies are another example. The percentage would be very low, I'm thinking think less than 5%. Children do not go into foster care unless there is a SERIOUS problem with their environment which can and does cause real damage. The damage can be healed and children can learn tools to deal with lasting problems. However, it is my opinion that most children adopted from foster care are considered special needs. edited to add a word I meant to put in
Greenrobin, Couldn't have written it better..........I STILL cringe when I read 'new-green-parents' talk about how 'they're just waiting for an older child because they need homes and they JUST KNOW their stability and love will carry those children through, etc, etc, etc'. WHY does that make me cringe? Because dh and I were JUST LIKE THAT many years ago and it simply wasn't true. These children need so much more than any type of 'simple parenting'. And that's why stipends are necessary----especially for those who've been in foster care. As for some of the reasonings for stipends with private and foster care children/babies.....I don't agree with some of them. But, overall, stipends are necessary for the betterment of the children. And it's true...that sometimes even stipends aren't enough-financially or emotionally---to help a child who's seen far too much trauma for his psyche to deal with. :( Sincerely, Linny
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Jensboys
Just wanted to say I totally disagree with you. Unless you have lived with kids with disrupted attachments, prenatal exposures to drugs and alcohol, abuse survivors you can have NO IDEA the burdens those kids carry. Most kids present really well outside of the home, but do have issues in a home environment that are WAY different than what kids with no prenatal exposures, no attachment disruptions and no abuse have. To say that they don't and are "just fine" completely ignores all research, studies and information that is out there. THAT IS NOT TO SAY our kids can't have full, happy and productive lives, it is to say they are most certainly affected and needed specialized supports and dedicated parenting in ways that kids who have not experiences those things don't. LOVE does NOT cure all.
RockstarMom
I will never apologize for cherishing my kids adoption subsidies. You look at them or meet them and they look perfect. They are adorable. They are bright. They are talened and outgoing. But that's because of the work I put in that I couls not have put in without the subsidy. I don't CARE if someone thinks I shouldn't stay home with my kids JUST because I can thanks to the subsidy. It is the best decision we ever made as a family and I don't regret it one moment.
I'll be honest, the stipend did encourage us a little. It encouraged us to choose adoption for ALL our kids instead of just some of our kids. We will not be having any biological kids. Kids are really expensive. I'd like to be able to afford to care for them the way I see fit, which I don't think I would be able to do without the stipend. You know, I wish the government would distribute resources more fairly to all children, for example offer universal healthcare for all children and make state college free like public school, but until that happens I will plan my family in the way that I feel is most financially, socially, and ethically responsible: adoption from fostercare with medicaid and adoption subsidy.
I am extremely grateful for our subsidies and we spend/save every penny on the kiddos. Obviously, there's a lot of reasons why people adopt privately... but I wonder how many adopt privately out of fear of special needs children. Then end up with special needs and become resentful that they didn't opt for a route with more services. I'm not directing this at anyone in particular. Speaking from my own experience and having almost privately adopted, I am so glad we went a different direction. I feel like with private adoption you never really know what the BM is using or abusing. At least with foster care, things like respite, medical, subsides, therapies, etc are covered. With private adoption you are sometimes (not all the time) in the dark so to say. The support we've received has been so amazing if I were looking to adopt again, fost-to-adopt would be my first choice.
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This conversation fascinates me! We were looking for a sibling group of 2 children when we were ready to adopt. We ended up with a sibling group of 6, which would have been very very difficult, if possible at all, without a stipend. We were prepared financially for 2, not 6 lol. So we are incredibly grateful for the extra money and are able to do more for our kids than if we didn't receive it.