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I just recently found my birthmother. I've been searching for 30 years now through micro-film, etc...you name it, then a few months ago I was fooling around on the internet and saw that Ancestry.com had a 7day free-trial so I thought 'what the heck, why not-it's free. I'll just search and then cancel'. So I signed up and then typed in her name. Do you know how many Johnsons there are! Hence the reason I hadn't found her yet.
Long story short, within 15 minutes of runaround, I found a high school picture of her on there and when I saw it I knew my search was over. It was like looking at me with a 50s hairstyle! Eerily so. My daughter looks just like me and now I know we look like her. That's one question answered!
I saw that there were members who had searched her and her family so I clicked on one. I decided to take a chance and message them about the situation and left my telephone number. I received a phone call the very next day from my cousin. She thought it was her Aunt Janet playing a wierd joke or something because I signed it with my name. Apparently my mother has a younger sister named Janet as well. The funny thing here is that my mother didn't name me. She had signed me over to an orphanage and it was there I was given the first name of Jan. When my parents adopted me they gave me the full name of Janet.
The cousin was in shock. She told me she'd have to call me back. She then called her mother who in turn called my mother. Yes, it was true. She'd had a baby and given it up.
She never thought I would come looking for her. She was surprised to hear that I was even alive because of my rough beginning in life. I was born with spina-bifida and I had dislocated hips, knees and ankles. I had a pool of spinal fluid at the base of my spine and at the base of my skull. The outlook didn't look good....
Oh man, there is SOOO much to explain here, but I just don't have the time for it all today. Next time will fill-in some more. Anyway....
She never told a soul about me. NOONE! I was born in February and she remarried in November the same year. They have been married 48 years now and he has never been told. Ugh...
I have 4 halfbrothers and 1 halfsister whom I would really love to know...but I cant. They might tell.
I still write and call my cousin. We are both hoping that she will come around.
I will write more...(thanx for reading my story. it feels good to tell people who can actually relate)
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Good luck with your situation. I was a secret as well. I think that most of us were. I suppose it takes time to gather up the courage to tell the truth so I would give her some time. My birthmother has to sit my two brothers down and tell them of my existence. I can't imagine it was easy.
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Awesome Jan. Hope all goes well for you. Did any of you see the speech by julia Gillard the Australian Prime Minister that was posted here a few days ago?
I was so moved by it I am going to repost and probably will again.
Every time I read a post like yours I think of all the upset still being caused by adoption
[url=http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-03-21/gillard-delivers-apology-to-victims-of-forced-adoption/4585972]Gillard delivers apology to victims of forced adoption - ABC News (Australian Broadcasting Corporation)[/url]
Thankyou to all. Murphymalone~I agree. I have tried to see myself in her position and frankly, even though I don't like it, I'd be scared to death to say anything as well. I mean, telling something of this magnitude after all those years could be a real deal breaker, if you know what I mean. By not knowing either one of them I can only add that to my lists of 'I wonder's...but just the fact that she wants to know about me gives me hope, so for that very reason, I will wait for some more...
Before she'd asked about me I wished that I had never found her because the wondering was so much easier on me than the knowing.
re united since my bdaughter was 18. She is now 33. Ups and downs along the way but still hanging in there. My raised daughter is now staying with her in another city while she is studying and also looking after her wee boy a couple of days a week so bdaughter can work. My raised daughter is still studying so has worked well for her. Very interesting but there are some things still makes me sad. Although bdaughter would deny emphatically I can see there are adoption related issues there.
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that's great progress she accepted your friend request on FB! Even though you are ready to move forward, she still has a lot of emotional baggage to unpack.I too was a secret. After attempting contact with bmom for 7 years with her never accepting me, i went ahead and contacted her sister on facebook. Anyways, keep us posted. Great progress for you!
Those of us who search are usually more prepared for he reunion than the people who are found. Those who were found didn't know we were searching for them, so it takes them a bit to regain their footing and to decide how they want to proceed.
It is fantastic that your b-mom accepted you on FB. That is a great step forward for you.
It's hard to do because you've been waiting so long, but you should attempt to go at the pace she is most comfortable with right now.
BTW I never kept the fact that I had a baby a secret. My logic was how can the most natural thing in the world be something to be ashamed of. It would often be the first thing of depth I would share with someone. It was a hugr part of who I was. The only people that werent told were my paternal grandparents as my own parents were basically scared of the moral backlash. My grandad died never knowing but I told my grandma very soon after reunion. They got to meet once before she died at 92. I still have a vision of the two of them crossing the road...my lovely tall bdaughter help her wee little great grandma. We all missed out on so much.
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suzyloo
BTW I never kept the fact that I had a baby a secret...The only people that werent told were my paternal grandparents as my own parents were basically scared of the moral backlash. My grandad died never knowing but I told my grandma very soon after reunion. They got to meet once before she died at 92. I still have a vision of the two of them crossing the road...my lovely tall bdaughter help her wee little great grandma. We all missed out on so much.
Hey PADJ
Well I can tell you I was really really nervous to tell her. It was prob about 6months into my reunion that I decided to tell her. We had lost my Grandad about 4months prior so I wanted her grief for him to settle a little. I went armed with a photo that I had of her and me taken on our reunion day!
There was a history of adoption her family as her sister had adopted a baby boy many years earlier so throughout my life she had often mentioned that no one was interested in finding his birthmother etc etc...very protective of her sister!!! She was fairly scathing about the birthmum so I had all this history adding to the mix. My grandma and I had a great relationship, but I knew she had a very very sharp tongue. My mum got the blast of it on many an occaissions esp. when her and my dad concieved my older brother out of wedlock. ( The ultimate sin back then) This was one of the reasons they really didnt want her to know.
So with all that in mind off I trotted. I got her to sit down..(she was busting with curiosity) and then gave her the photo and said this is your other great grandaughter ( I had three other kids by then)
Well it was almost an anti climax. She took the fact that there was another grandaughter well, what mortified her was the fact that everyone else knew for all those years except her! That part was funny as she was a real busy body!!!
The irony being of course...her and my Grandad were expecting my dad when they got married...early 1930s. It was something everyone knew, but something NEVER discussed. They didnt even celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary incase people put two and two together. Heavens...we all knew anyway.
A fertile lot in my family!!! LOL
Hey PADJ
Well I can tell you I was really really nervous to tell her. It was prob about 6months into my reunion that I decided to tell her. We had lost my Grandad about 4months prior so I wanted her grief for him to settle a little. I went armed with a photo that I had of her and me taken on our reunion day!
There was a history of adoption her family as her sister had adopted a baby boy many years earlier so throughout my life she had often mentioned that no one was interested in finding his birthmother etc etc...very protective of her sister!!! She was fairly scathing about the birthmum so I had all this history adding to the mix. My grandma and I had a great relationship, but I knew she had a very very sharp tongue. My mum got the blast of it on many an occaissions esp. when her and my dad concieved my older brother out of wedlock. ( The ultimate sin back then) This was one of the reasons they really didnt want her to know.
So with all that in mind off I trotted. I got her to sit down..(she was busting with curiosity) and then gave her the photo and said this is your other great grandaughter ( I had three other kids by then)
Well it was almost an anti climax. She took the fact that there was another grandaughter well, what mortified her was the fact that everyone else knew for all those years except her! That part was funny as she was a real busy body!!!
The irony being of course...her and my Grandad were expecting my dad when they got married...early 1930s. It was something everyone knew, but something NEVER discussed. They didnt even celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary incase people put two and two together. Heavens...we all knew anyway.
A fertile lot in my family!!! LOL
Congratulatios on finding your birth mother firstly! I'm a teen and have just found out an overwhelming amount of information surrounding my adoption in recent months. I too am a secret, so could you advise me on what to expect and what this entails when I start to search for my birth family?
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I'm a grandma! My daughter has blessed our family with a beautiful baby boy named Lucas. I wrote a message on Facebook(only the second one ever that I've written to my birth-mom) and sent her a few pics. and told her that I keep checking in to see if she'd written back to me yet. Of course, she hasn't. I told her "I must admit that each time it gives me more of a heavy heart, but I just can't allow myself to believe that you just don't care. So with this, I am truly looking forward to hearing from you soon." That was six weeks ago, and still nothing. Meanwhile, I look in on my siblings' pages and one of them has come to Oregon. I so want to meet him, but am still afraid to upset the apple cart by outing Verla. I really don't want to hurt her, but I also am tired of hurting myself. I think I'm going to tell her that I want to meet my brothers and sister. Maybe then she will write back to me?!!