"when you come home I will buy you this and that"

Happened with L also. I didn't say anything. When it doesn't happen, i tell them that bio had good intentions.

The SW's know it happens. Our bio bought a puppy to the front of the visit building and jumped out to show the girls. Yep! She has brought them all this stuff to visits and then takes it away at the end (so they cry) and tells them they get it back "when they come home." Goal change is supposed to be tomorrow.

MM, here too, GPs have showed the kids clothes and dresses and then said, "you can have them when you come home".Good luck on the goal change tomorrow, I'll be thinking about you and the girls MM.

With our ffd, bio mom would always promise things during the phone call. Puppies, cats, her own room with a tv.... Well, you get the picture. She did get a puppy & a cat. Part of her plan to get the kiddos back is a suitable living arrangement where each kiddo has their own room. Now that I think about it, promises from bios, whether broken or kept are quit possibly a sign of insecurity. At least they were in the case of our ffks. Drove me crazy.

Bios don't realize that kids remember the promises.

I think some are really delusional to think they will come home and they will do those things, though history and time proves otherwise. it's sad. our mom kept all gifts she got them at her house for the same thing. one time she bought a new outfit for little man to wear for pictures and she kept it....though at that time they didn't even have unsupervised visits so not sure when she thought he'd wear it. And she's say 'they have bikes to ride at my house and they love to ride them when they come over.' they hadn't been there in MONTHS.

These bios seem to feel threatened that their kids will stop loving them when they go into FC or they think the kids will start to love the FPs more (yes, I know this really happens). So, they make promises they can't keep..dangle puppies/new toys, etc. in front of the kids at visits in attempts to lure them into loving them or wanting to be with them. Mountain's case is probably the most blatent where the bio bought a new puppy to show off at the visit. That puppy is just a tool to get those kids to beg to come home with her....they want to play with the puppy, not biomom. What kind of care do you think that puppy gets? What happens to that puppy when it turns into a dog and can no longer be used? Its very sad and I do feel sorry for SOME of these bios who have to struggle with these feelings, but lets face it, love can't be bought. Right now we are dealing with biomom telling us NOT to take the boys to Disneyland because "she wants to be the first one to give them that experience". It ticks me off....this is about the boys, not her.

Its is sad- and desperate it happened often in our case (J's BM brought a litter of kitties in, including "J's" new kitten) The tragic part - even at 5 years old, J didn't care about having a kitten or a new bed. She just wanted time with her mom.. and wanted her BPs to notice her; to pay attention and love her. that's it All the bribes in the world were less effectual than if they had just provided what they already had in their power to provide

My first foster daughter was too young to be "bribed," but nearly every visit that her mom or other relative actually showed up at they would change her out of the clothes that I had sent her in and put her in their own. She'd come home with something new most times she went. It always bothered me. Maybe it shouldn't have, but it did.

I think that F's dad has been talking to her about going back to his home - and that is what is confusing her and making her get stressed out. She doesn't have much of a relationship with him. He hasn't been an active partipant in her life except from like August 2012-December 2012 when he had visitation with her that was overnight visits. She did not do well during that time. Turns out he wasn't parenting really either but was passing her off onto various relatives. She likes visits now because they are like play dates. She asks about who is daddy and asks me if I'm mommy and tells me she wants to stay and she's only 2.5. So I don't know if he promises her things, but he is telling her about what is going to be - even though it is likely it will not.

Yep, mine did the same. She didn't bring a puppy to the center, but only because she takes the bus to visits! But she dd tell him over the phone she got him a puppy for Christmas and to ask if I would take him to see her at her house to come see it. (which she knew was against the rules. She was trying to make me the bad guy). They would buy him TONS of cheap birthday/Christmas presents and take them back home, to keep them for "their house for when he comes home". They were never seen again. Intense parenting therapist kept trying to address this issue during sessions, but got nowhere. Part of the reason she got kicked out of the program.

ours wasn't happy with us taking the kids to Disney world but left with the option of respite in a home where they didn't know the foster parents, she let them go. we took another foster child with us, she wasn't ours but we wanted to take a child and had no fosters at the time....her mom was very gracious to let us give her that experience. she said that she couldn't give that to her and the poor child had looked at the amusement park across from their house for years and never been....when we returned I made a scrapbook for her to take keep and share with her mom her fun time she had.....