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We have a number of new birth/first/natural moms here on the forums, and because of ill health in the past few months, I haven't been very active lately. So....how about a roll call for all members on this side of the triad?
My name is Raven, and I'm rather ancient...so please don't let age stop you from sharing! I am 58 years old, soon to turn 59. I became pregnant at 16, and delivered my son when I was 17. I relinquished my baby back in 1972, a few days after his birth. He is now 41 years old. (Where did all the time go, lol?) Because my son was born at the end of the Baby Scoop Era (BSE), his adoption was closed tight as a drum. There was no such thing as open adoption back in the early '70s.
When my son was 11 years old, the laws changed a bit here in the state of California. So his natural father and I both went to the executive director of the adoption agency that had handled everything. We both signed what is known as the waiver of confidentiality, just in case his adoptive parents needed to get ahold of us during his teenage years. A couple years later when he was 13, they did indeed ask the agency to contact us for some information. This opened up the door to reuniting with him when he turned 18.
In the meantime, the agency allowed us to exchange letters and gifts...a blessing I never expected. We reunited face-to-face a couple weeks after his 18th birthday back in 1990. I moved back to my hometown a few months later in order to establish a solid foundation with my son.
After 23 years in reunion, my son decided to sever contact with me. This happened a couple months before Mother's Day this past year, and it really threw me for a loop. I've processed it fairly well on an emotional basis, although it was touch and go there for a while. It still hurts on some days, but it is what it is.
Anyway, that's my story in a nutshell. I'd love to see this section of the forums become an active one again. So feel free to jump in and introduce yourself. How long ago did you place your child for adoption? Are you participating in an Open Adoption, or is it closed? If your child is an adult, have you reunited yet? If not, do you plan to in the future? :loveyou:
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I am Cindy, birthmom to Zak who is 27 and Nate who is 25. Luckily, they were raised in the family. When Zak and Nate were 11 and 9, their aparents wanted to open the adoption. We had our first meeting (with just the parents and my best friend) at Catholic Charities, as required, and they gave me their phone number and address. I met my sons 3 very long months later. We went to the aquarium for the day and I was amazed that they let me take my sons in the car with me, instead of meeting them at the restaurant. I thought for sure it would take a while to build that trust. The next time I saw them was two months later, when I went to their house and their parents dropped us off at a local museum. And from there, our relationship took off. They used to spend a week with me during the summer, and lots of weekends with me.
I have a great relationship with them, their aparents and their asiblings. Nate and his wife had a baby in 2011, and I have been blessed to be a big part of her life and she calls me "gandma". I try to see my sons as often as possible, but they are both busy, so sometimes it might be a couple of months.
Zak has been in a relationship with his girlfriend of 10 years, who I love.
I know I am so blessed to have been welcomed into their family. The first 11 years were pure hell, waiting for pictures and a letter, which never seemed to come, but after meeting my sons, that all fell away.
When I got married, both my sons were there and Nate was actually in the wedding party.
Cindy
Wife to Troy
bmom to Zak 27
bmom to Nate 25
stepmom to Kay 16
stepmom to Shavon 13
Still here...I am not sure if I am finding it hard to find the time to post or hard to find the energy to recap. It all seems like such a long story, so many happenings and I guess I don't feel a few words does the story justice. However here goes...
I am from New Zealand, not a lot of us on here, not a lot of us full stop compared to the USA! I adopted my baby girl out in 1979. We reunited when she was 18yrs old, she is now 34, married with a 2 1/2 year old son. I have developed a comfortable relationship with her amum. I have had three other kids, all now in their twenties, two daughters and one son. My 22yr old daughter has been living with her for the last year and a half while she studies and has helped out by looking after the wee boy.
This all sounds quite sterile but I am just trying to stick to the facts as if I start on the emotional side I will still be writing into next year.
I guess the best thing is that I know I can go stay any time I want etc etc, ( we live 4hours away...and hey that's a long distance here lol! ) I think the worst thing is seeing her wanting to connect but not having the ability to just let herself go. This tends to be disguised by being perfect...house, child, husband etc etc but manifests as a sterility that I find hard to cope with.
I am going to be staying with them at the end of the month, my raised daughter will be there plus amum so am looking forward to the visit. I am actually going down there for a Joan Baez concert....yes she is coming to NZ for those who remember her! Most people here say....who???????? I adore her singing.
There.:clap:
OMG Susie, I would LOVE to see Joan Baez! She does have an amazing voice and is just a beautiful woman overall. I was recently listening to a CD of hers when I was at the school where I take dulcimer lessons. Playing a folk instrument and being around people into the folk scene, I am very well aware of her. Joni Mitchell is still my favorite, but Joan Baez is incredible, too.
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amazing plus!! Funny thing when I had my stint in USA I used to drive past where she lived all the time...Woodside California! The people I stayed with would see her at Roberts Grocery store and I so wanted that to happen to me but alas it never did. I was so tempted to drive up her driveway and say " Hi ". I will let you know alllllllllllllllllllllllllll about it! I cant believe she is coming to NZ!!!
About six or seven years ago, a nonprofit organization that I was on the board of directors for sponsored a benefit concert by Joan Baez. She stayed in town with some friends of mine, and I spent a lot of time with her that week. She's an amazing woman, although it was kind of a strange period in her life. The experience was awesome because it kind of came full circle for me. I had met Joanie many years before when she and her ex-husband, David Harris, were involved with the War Resisters League. I was a student organizer for WRL back in high school (Vietnam era) and had the great honor of meeting her at the height of her career.
Goooooooooooo Raven!!!! She dedicated an album to David Harris...it was simply called David's Album and my favourite of all!!! My dad still has the album and many more of her early ones! A treasure trove really. I will have to tell my dad I know someone who knows her....well sort of lol!!!
Goooooooooooo Raven!!!! She dedicated an album to David Harris...it was simply called David's Album and my favourite of all!!! My dad still has the album and many more of her early ones! A treasure trove really. I will have to tell my dad I know someone who knows her....well sort of lol!!!
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When I was a child, I was always running into famous celebrities -- it was kind of odd. The weird thing is I usually wasn't aware that they were famous. My dad used to tell people this story about me stepping off a plane I had taken from LAX to Seattle back in 1968. I flew student standby back in those years, and since I was a young teenager, I was often placed in first class. On that particular flight, I was seated next to Archie Moore, a world-famous boxer that my dad adored. I chattered away for almost three hours to Mr. Moore, not realizing who he was. When my father asked me if I knew who I had been talking to, I just told him that Mr. Moore was some nice guy who wanted to help keep teenage boys out of trouble and was opening up a gym in Seattle for kids at risk. My dad had to tell me who he really was.
I have met a ton of professional musicians in my lifetime. It was no big deal if you were in the music scene of Southern California in the late 60's and throughout the 70's, especially if you were playing in coffeehouses or up on the Sunset Strip. If you hung out in the music scene, you were bound to meet a lot of famous musicians. The music world was a much smaller world back in those years.
The first time I met Joan Baez, though, was not as a musician. She was very heavily involved in pacifism during the Vietnam War, and she and David Harris were on the board of directors for the War Resisters League. WRL held a conference in the Los Angeles area for the student organizers in 1971, so I got to meet them. It was a huge deal for me -- I felt like I was walking on clouds for days. :loveyou:
Well good people I am back!!! The concert was so faaaaaaantaaaaaastic. What a beautiful gracious woman she is! I was in heaven just looking at her, knowing her past and the joy she brought to my parents home thru my teen years! My dad was also in heaven!!! Her voice has definitely lost some but it didn't matter one bit. It was her last concert after touring Australia and NZ and she didn't even pretend not to be tired as she obviously started to tire near the end, but it didn't matter one bit! Oh my. Sooooo glad I went. Oh my!
Spent one night at bdaughters house and two nights at one of my raised daughters house. Now THAT is another story!!!!
Peace and love tonight!!!!
Susie
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thanks kakuehl
My relationship with two raised daughters in amazing. L is nearly 26 and G just turned 23. I did have a good relationship with bdaughter early in reunion but really, right now I don't think she is capable of a good relationship with many others. She can be so rude to people as she lives in her 'perfect' world. Thing is,, as we all know, no ones world is perfect and pretending it is by trying to control all around you ain't going to work..that is people and environment. Since G has been living with her it seems she is getting harder and harder to live with...all plans, routines, rules and nothing out of place. This includes her wee sons life which seems so bound by rules the poor kid cries so much more than a wee two year old should. Even his toys look like they would be in place in an army barracks. Not too much noise, running, bouncing rah rah rah. Isn't even allowed to paint inside! Awful. And then I had to witness the amum emotionally blackmailing him. G was in tears the other day because of how he is being treated. Its so not fair. I usually get on well with amum but this was the first time we were together with wee boy...and the possessiveness was so unnecessary...like "he loves me more than you" coming through subliminally! After inviting me to stay, and me putting off having a night at my brothers place which had been my plan, bdaughter was quite rude to me. G was mortified. I know its not just me though. Her poor MIL is poorly treated as well. I feel sorry for her. However in saying all this I think she is a bit screwed up and really doesn't know how or who to be. A big fat dose of chill would be my prescription. I am not in a position to say anything so it is really hard and just leaves me wanting to stay away. Sad really. (Long story short) I truly think there are some attachment issues there.