Advice Sought - Anyone else have/had an alcoholic family member to consider???

Hello, I'm a birth mother of two (separate adoption families) and I've been in contact with the younger of the two (both in their early 20's) for a handful of years now. When he & I first began speaking, it was mainly through texting, with rare phone calls. It was very nice, and we met in person a few times. However, when our distance became closer, we drifted apart, since there is no place for me in his actual life - which is great since that means I chose a great family for him and he is not in need of another parent. We are friends, but ones who only say hello occasionally. He is still young, and that may change, but for now, it seems to be an arrangement we are both fine with. My problem is this - I've been hesitant to contact the older adopted child, since I'm estranged from my family, and my mother was directly involved with this adoption. I have not spoken to my family in over 10 years. My mother and her husband were unhealthy people, and I chose to leave them, and their children, in my past. Occasionally, I "check in" with my oldest (daughter) via internet searches, and just found out she finally has her own place, and with her own address. My mother is a narcissist, and was very methodical in telling individual family members, and family friends, acquaintances, etc., exactly what each needed to hear to make me look like a bad person. I've no doubt that this extended to the adoptive family, since that is unfortunately just the kind of person she is. If I were to just look at the situation for what it is, an ideal time to be able to get a letter to her directly, then I feel confident about it. However, and here is the part where I'm torn... my personal life has become unmanageable. I live with a man who has been drinking heavily for a year, and has no intention of stopping. It has caused our life together to fall into a level of chaos I do not wish upon anyone, and unfortunately it does not look like it is going to stop anytime soon. Since contact with my son had gone down to occasional greetings a year before this began, I have been able to keep him out of it. I have not told him about how my partner's alcoholism has affected things, and don't plan to. The only thing it does affect, is sometimes I don't have my phone turned on - due to money reasons - but, since we speak so infrequently, this has not become a problem. He goes to college full-time, works part-time, and has a social life of his own, so for now, I'm like any regular parent seeing occasional attention. However, I'm very hesitant to contact my daughter, even just to let her know about me. The adoption was an open one, and she grew up knowing she was adopted, but I'm sure as her age has progressed, so has her level of questions, or curiosity. I am just very hesitant to since my live-in boyfriend's drinking is so destructive. I'm disabled, am on disability, and just picking up and moving out is not an option, for reasons having to do with my disability, and because I'm now stuck with the whole of the rent just to keep a roof over our heads (which leaves literally $77 a month left over) so I'm very much stuck here. I am hoping to hear from people who have a functioning alcoholic in their life that they have had to consider when making contact with their birth child. Please, I'm desperate for advice!