Did you go through an agency?

My adoption was private, and I'm glad it was that way. I am extremely wary of agencies and the way they treat birth parents. I believe the easiest way to make sure a domestic infant adoption is ethical is to use a private lawyer who you know is ethical, and be ethical yourselves.

Interesting! I honestly thought that adoption through an agency was ethical because it meant the birth mother had a case worker to protect her best interest and our agency offers lifetime counseling to the birth parents if they are ever struggling with their choice to place. I am curious what kind of experience some birth parents have with agencies because I was told the opposite when we were starting our adoption journey. I was told we were more likely to get scammed if we didn't go through an agency and it would end up costing far more than if we used an agency, etc. My husband and I were initially wanting to pursue a private adoption, but then people told us these worst case scenario stories and I guess we felt very uneducated about the legal process of adoption. I did think it was extremely nice to have an agency to help educate me since it was our first adoption, but I am really sad to hear that birth parents aren't always treated well. I would love to hear more about why you prefer private adoption as opposed to adopting through an agency.

Sadly, there are some agencies that don't have the best interests of expectant moms in mind. That's something that adoptive parents need to look out for when choosing an agency, if they decide to go that route. Unfortunately, a lot of adoptive parents - being new to the process - aren't educated enough to be aware of what to look for. Being familiar with the agency you went through, Lauren, I can tell you that they are extremely careful about protecting the rights of birth mothers - and there are many agencies out there with the same goal - but not all agencies/attorneys are so scrupulous. Some want to make as many placements as possible so they can make as much money as possible (even those labeled non-profit), and this can mean manipulating or even coercing expectant moms into placing.

Pursuing a private adoption is risky for adoptive parents. You definitely are more likely to get scammed if you don't have an agency screening expectant parents. As far as cost, I think it really depends. With the adoptions I am familiar with, private adoption has actually been slightly less than agencies. But agencies' costs vary, so it's all relative.The issue that I take with some, but not all agencies, is their abuse of power. Both hopeful adoptive and birth parents are very emotionally vulnerable. Clients can get taken advantage of. For example, I know a couple who paid several thousand dollars in 'expectant mother living expenses', thinking they were helping the woman who planned to place with them have a decent apartment, food, etc. The expectant mother never actually saw any of that money- it went straight into the pockets of the agency. Sometimes birth mothers are coerced into place, or not informed of their rights.Not all agencies are like this. But it's hard to find one that's reputable, so I typically recommend that both birth and adoptive parents have lawyers who are educated about private adoption, and can help them get through it ethically nd legally.