Why didn't you look for your birth parents?

Some adoptees don't have a need to know their biological parents.

Yes. To clarify, my question is "why don't some adoptees have the need to know their biological parents?"

I'm actually writing about this right now. I'm probably going to have half the world disagree with me, but here's what I think. We aren't born with that need. External factors come into play that make us curious and it's how we react individually over time that effects the strength of the need.

There was a lot of fear for me....both the fear of what I'd find...possible rejection...and at the same time wanting to know. I also didn't want to hurt anybody...birth family or adoptive family. It was something that I wrestled with for many years...At 48 I finally decided that I needed to find my updated medical information not only for myself but for my children and grandchildren.

I'm 32 now and I've wrestled with the idea of seeking out my birth mother for the entirety of my life. It's not that I don't want to know, it's more that I don't know if I want to know. I've built my birth mother up as this perfect person that made the ultimate sacrifice for me, and it's got to be painful for her, and who's to say that she wants this stuff dredged up? What if seeking her out uncovers nothing and my only discovery is that she has blocked me out and wants nothing less than to forget I exist? What if she's a horrible person who immediately tries to hit me up for money or help? What is me reappearing causes strain in her family now and she ends up wishing I never contacted her? Right now all I have to say about my birth mother is that she's my hero and I unconditionally love her for the opportunities she provided me and the life I was able to have because she loved me enough to carry me to term only to surrender me. There are more reasons than I could possibly get into about why I (and I'm only one adoptee out there, I'm positive we all have different experiences and thoughts about this) have had issues tackling the "should I/shouldn't I" factor of seeking out my birth mother. In short, there really is no one answer to this question. Each individual circumstance comes with a slew of thoughts, feelings, and fears that could discourage an adoptee from seeking out their origins. I've never put a child up for adoption myself, but if my sense of empathy translates well, I'd say birth parents most likely wrestle with the same factors. I mean, I'm no psychiatrist or social worker, I'm just a guy who was adopted and never met his mother. Do I want to know her? I don't know. I think so. Maybe. All I can give you is the perspective I have on it, but it's a tough question.

I was not the kind of person who ever put too much thought into searching for my biological parents. When I had my kids, that changed. My connection with my son's made me even more curious about them. I decided I was ready to search and took an Ancestry DNA test. My birth father passed away from cancer three days before I found them.I won't lie and say all reunions are great. Many are far from it. There are family secrets and parents who don't want to be found. My birth mother was happy I had found her and my full sisters but very hesitant about having a relationship. How do tell all the people u know that you have a child you have kept secret for over thirty years?After a couple of months she got over that. Now everyone knows, and we are very close. I can't imagine my life without her or my sisters in it.People are not perfect. If you want to keep that image of your birth mom than that's ok. Just consider that people don't live forever.