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Just to begin I want to say that I created this thread for 100% to be able to express and share their story and vent. This is not a thread meant to disagree or “well you shouldn’t... instead, look at it this way...” nah Share your story or just read as it grows until you are comfortable writing some of your own. Here is my story: So I am late 20’s, male, South Korean and adopted into an amazing and beautiful family. I was separated soon after birth, went into an adoption agency and arrived to greet my family with spit bubbles and fat cheeks. I have heard from one physiologist that being separated from your birth mother soon after birth can in some cases have affects on things such as depression, anxiety, feelings of loss, and problems related to meaningful and close connections and relationships and that sort. In my case I often feel as if I can’t properly love people or need to define love itself. Almost like “Well, if 1+1=2 and 2=love than I have 1+1 here so I must be feeling love.” This is not really the case but more of an overthinking boarderimg on negative thought toward love and relationships. Even keeping close contact with long time friends seems like a challenge and that I am doing something wrong and not keeping the friendship close enough at times. This is my story, what is yours?
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I placed a baby for adoption, and sometimes I have trouble too. I placed my little girl for a lot of reasons, and it was really hard for me. I loved her so much, but my circumstances meant that it wouldn't be best for her if I were to parent. I loved her enough to let her go.But now I have trouble getting close to people too. I don't feel like I'm good enough. I know it's not logical, but somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought "Well you weren't good enough to be a mom, so you're not good enough to be a girlfriend/friend/employee/whatever". I know it was my circumstances, and not me, that made it best to place, but it still feels that way sometimes. In some ways it's given me a fear of abandonment, that I won't bee good enough so people will leave. I push people away emotionally. And I grieve for her. I miss her every day. I'm on a family vacation right now with my siblings and their families, and it's hard. I imagine what it would have been like had I parented, what it would be like to have her here with me and the family. In the end I know it will be okay and that everything happened for a reason, but it is hard some days.
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