Mother's Day is Mother's DAY

I would like to say alot of 1stmoms weren't given a chance to be our babies moms, we were told by the social workers handling us that If we loved our babies we would let someone else have them as we would not make a good parents. If only I was tougher and stronger I could have been my baby's mother. Annalise, I hope my daughter and her aparents don't see me as THAT WOMEN, I love my daughter so very much and I would like to know that I am seen as more than that and not just the 16 year old baby incubator. Sincerely, brandy (always loving and missing my daughter)

Crayons I don't think of the woman who gave birth to me as THAT WOMAN, I just don't know a better term to use in that sentence. I think that she did love me and did the best thing that she could at the time by placing me with my mom and dad. I am very happy she did, I have a wonderful family. What I am saying is that blood does not neccesarily make you family, love does, nurturing does, being there for eachother does. I am not searching, I have no intrest, but if one day I were to meet her I would not be bitter or anything. If I liked her as a person we may become friends, but she is not my mom! Also a lot of "Bmothers" chose adoption because they thought it was best, they were not coerced into it. IMO I see a lot of "Bmothers" saying poor me and those "adoptive parents" better know how lucky they are. Being infertile, which is the reason many people do adopt is not "lucky", not being able to give birth I am sure is just as heartbreaking, they too are losing the child they thought they would have. If it wasn't for them, people like me who's "birthparents" couldn't care for me, I would have had no home! I am not trying to be disrespectful to people who chose adoption for the children they could not care for, I do respect them in making that loving choice, to give the child a family, but I just see a lot of angry birthmothers "venting" at people who have adopted, yet I don't see a parent who has adopted really saying what the feel about "birthmothers" should feel "Lucky" they can give birth, and "lucky" there was someone out there to love the child you could not care for. Miranda, this angry thread was started by a "Bmother", obviously a lot of people who had been adopted and parents who adopted their children are going to be angry. If "Bmother's" think that they are the child's MOM they are wrong. (Unless they, of course are a motherly figure in their life) Re read this first post and see the disrespect in it. Giving birth does not make you a MOM. Ressenda is right, Mothers day is for mom type people, but mom type people do more than just give birth.

Oh my. Lots of anger and territoriality here (if that's a word). I am an adoptee who has been reunited for about 10 years. I have a very close relationship both with my Mom and Birthmom. The relationships, however, are completely different and do not cross-over. My Mom is my Mom because she raised me, loved me and supported me all of my life- "Mothered" me! The relationship I have with my Bmom is platonic, though very loving, profound but not in a mother-daughter way. I see her maybe 4 times a year. I would feel uncomfortable with my Mom having to "share the glory" :D of Mother's Day with my Bmom. I do think birthmothers deserve some form of recognition for the loving sacrifice they (or most of them) have made. I don't know what would be appropriate, generally, but BirthMother's Day seems OK for my situation. I've sort of made my birthday "Bmother's day"- and when possible take some time out and chat/ get together with her. She went through a lot on my birthday... Just wanted to share some thoughts with ya.

I agree that the original post was hateful and hurtful. Whomever wrote it is hopefully far away from this site now. I suspect it was written by a troublemaker who was looking for reactions, and she got them! I don't think adoptees are deliberately hurtful towards b-mothers. But.....when someone, assumedly a b-mother, slams adopted mothers the way this original poster did, it is normal to feel defensive and want to stick up for your MOM. We, (adoptees) have 2 mothers in 2 very different ways. For most of us, there is one we know, and one we don't. I know for myself that I don't appreciate people talking garbage about my family. I am somewhat less defensive about my b-family, most likely because they don't yet have a face. I am sure I will be more defensive, if and when I meet them. It is sad that people keep getting hurt over the words written here. The hardest part is that the hurt often causes a person to lash out, and that keeps it all going. That is why all the anger concerns me so much. Anyways, Any woman who has loved a child can be appreciated on Mother's day. Mother is a title, but it is also an action.. Same with Love. I, myself, prefer the action to the title! Love, Debi

I am a birthmom and I think the idea of a birthmoms day is ridiculous. I agree the social workers back then told us that we were doing the right thing by giving our babies a two parent home. I have been so sorry for 33 yrs that I did not stand up to my parents and the social workers. For 33 yrs I have wondered were my daughter is and how she is doing. I wondered about child abuse, sexual abuse and if she was sickly. You don't have to give birth to be a mom. Most women have that motherly instinct built in them. I have just prayed for 33 yrs that my daughter has had a good mom with her. Thanks amom where ever you are for being there for my daughter.

I would just like to say, I sure don't need a reminder every year that I'm nothing more than a body that gave birth to a beautiful baby that I did not get to raise, I already beat myself up enough for not being there for her. I know I'm not angry with anyone. I wish anyone than has not lost a child through adoption could just take a moment and look at your child or children and then close your eyes and think, what if, when you opened your eyes your baby are babies were gone only to never to hold them, kiss them or see them again. If I could wish something here besides finding my daughter it would be that people know that a young mothers loss of her baby is not lighty taken and in no way can anyone or any day take it all back. The main thing is I JUST HOPE AND PRAY HER PARENTS GAVE HER THE LIFE SHE SO DESERVES AND I ALSO THANK HER PARENTS. After reading everything that I have lately I now feel that in the best interest of my daughter I will not search for her any more as I now realize I can save her the pain of having to deal with the person that gave her up. I'm not my daughter's mother but I sure do love and have since I felt her first kick and movement inside me and then saw her face and kissed her good bye so I think now I will just try to let go and she won't ever have figure out what to call me.

HI! Is your daughter an adult? If so, I am sure she can deal with you finding her! I don't think I have ever seen a post here where an adoptee was found by a b-mom and wasn't happy about it. Sometimes there seems to be a bit of friction in the reunion stage, that is to be expected I believe. Especially with daughters, I would suspect. The only posts I have seen where it seems the adoptee isn't happy about the contact, are from the b-moms! Today a very dear adoptee was denied by her b-mother, her grace and dignity are somethng to see. She said that since the only gift she can give her b-mom is the gift of honoring her wishes, she would do that, "from the bottom of her broken heart". I am sure she would have LOVED to be found, as would I. It is those of us who remain respectful and kind, even in the face of unkindness and disrespect, (something I need to work on) who can make a difference in adoption, ultimately. You are 100% within your personal rights to stop looking, I just wanted to offer an adoptees opinion. Love, Debi

Crayons I am sure that "birthmothers" experience much pain and guilt. There is nothing to feel guilt for. Most children are adopted into families that truly love them with every bit of their being. The pain I am sure is horrible, I believe that my "birthmother" didn't just give me away and never think of me again. I have respect for her . If I were to ever meet her I would be pleasant and perhaps build a friendship with her. I would never have a problem of what to call her, I would just call her by her first name. I think if you want to search for her, do it. Like Deb said, it is usually the person who was adopted being rejected by the "birthmother". It is unlikely that she will reject you. I do not feel the need to search, but if she found me I would not reject her, most people I know, especially women, that had been adopted feel a desire to find biological family. I realize that she did what she had to at the time, what she thought would be best for me, how could anyone disrespect someone who put the child's needs above their own desires. I just think that "birthmothers" should not expect to be greated with a "Mommy!" and a big hug, hopefully there is respect on both parts when and if a meeting takes place. This thread sure got off topic.......The anger was only toward the original poster's comments, not all "birthmothers"

yes a dob would be helpful, i am a 26y/o adoptee who would love fro my bmom to be looking for me...

:confused: i`m am their birthmother and mothers day is in may yearly in the (u.s.a.) ,. the state took them away in junilvile court .my oldest will soon be contacted. and i cannot wait for that day and the women that might have them they can rightfully call them mom. i do not care what they call her/me i just want them to know that i love and miss them very much. and hopefully we can have some contact anyway.even if they do not want to be close by me.

I have seen other bmothers use the phrase "lost to adoption" and don't understand how a child is "lost to adoption". Could you explain that to me? Also, if "the best thing to do is keep your baby with you" why didn't you? I am an adult adoptee. I do not have negative feelings toward my bmother but also don't feel she is my "Mom" or "Mother". I also don't feel she "lost me". For whatever reason she choose to surrender me for adoption.

In my particualr case: "Lost to adoption" - Take 2 wealthy and powerful grandparents (grandmother being a lawyer) who under no circumstances would accept an illigitimate grandchild from their 17 y.o. daughter and pulled every trick in the book and used extreme mental abuse to make that those papers were signed. I really had no choice but to surrender. On the flip side, I'm also an adoptee. The way I see it, I do in fact have 2 mothers. That's just reality. To take away the title of mom or mother from the one that gave me birth reduces her to having no significance or importance. I can't do that to the woman who gave birth to me. I don't have any loyalty issues over titles either. As you can see from the first paragraph, I'm not exactly close to my own amom.

My daughter's birthmother is no less a mother and no more a mother thatn I am, and I am no less a mother or no more a mother than she is. She was able to do something I was not - nurture and grow a life inside of her. And I am able to do something she is not - raise that precious child and nurture and care for her now. We are not competetors. It takes both of us to make this life complete, and we both deserve to be recognized equally. In different ways, we are both her mother. It's just nice for me to have a birthmother's day, so we can celebrate that with her, and can celebrate mother's day with me. Thank you to all the birth mothers who carried and cared for the lives inside of them. You are just as worthy of being called a mother as anyone else. Heather

happy mothers day to all a-mom`s as well as us birth-mom`s, take care, peanutjan :):cool:

So much anger and hate. I am a birthmother, a mom, and a grandma. My birthdaughter was born 12/29/1967. When my family celebrates Mother's Day with me they also include her. Although she hasn't been a physical part of our/her family she is still remembered. I also bless the woman who became her "MOM", for without her taking and loving, raising, worrying, and being, my birthdaughter might not have been so well off. I only have bitternes with a system that keeps me from finding her. I know at one time she looked for me, as I saw a posting in 2002, unfortunately the email address no longer worked. So, alas, I must continue to search and hope that she is still searching. Perhaps some day we will become united, I certainly hopse so. So, PLEASE, don't be bitter, and hatefull, use your anger in a positive way...to find your birthparent(s) and learn how it has been for them and tell them how it has been for you.