Advertisements
Originally Posted By bm JWow, I am new on this web site. And all these messages shock me!! I am 20 years old, and have a 5 month old daughter already. I found out i was pregnant again. I've thought about abortion. But after visiting the clinic, i've thought about open adoption. Because to me there are so many couples who cannot have children, so maybe I can help one of those couples. To the people who think we want our cake and eat it to, it's nothing like that. Abortion, or Adoption is very hard on any bmother. One reason I may chose open adoption is because I would like to see my child growing up. I would like to see if my child is a splitting image of me as he/she gets older. I still would like to be there to answer any questions they may have. My situation is very difficult (and yes I may have done this to myself, But just maybe there is someone who can give my child a better life), but I don't want the child to ask why did you give me up, and keep my sister? Especially if I decide to do a closed adoption, and they come looking for me in 18 years or so. I really don't understand how people who do not have children can make it seem so easy to carry a child for 9 long agonizing months, and walk out of the hospital empty handed. Don't you think that the birthmother is already attached to her child? She feels her child make the first move, whether it's their first kick punch, or flip, along w/ watching her body go threw changes. So maybe people should be a little bit less harsh on birthmothers...hey at least we are not killing our child. And we still are giving aparents what they want out of life also. Also, people should not judge birthmothers until they are in our shoes, so I'm not an aparent, but they also have closed adoptions to consider.
Like
Share
Advertisements
Originally Posted By TracyI want you to know that I agree with you 100%. I am not a birthmother, I am trying to adopt. I think one of the benefits of open adoption is that the birthmother gets to be a part of her childs life. I wouldn't have it any other way. My husband and I won't consider any adoption that will not be open. We believe it benefits everyone involved. I had 5 miscarriages before we decided to adopt and I became attached to those 5 babies and I never felt them move in my body. What you're going through as a birthmother is unimaginable in my mind. I've lost babies and I know how difficult it is. You've sacrificed your body for 9 months and you're going through emotional turmoil all for a child. Why would any adoptive parent be harsh to you because of that. I have no idea why, but I have this advice to offer you. Keep looking for adoptive parents who appreciate what you're going through and believe adoption is a gift of love that a mother gives her child and nothing else. You will find some people out there that feel that way. I know my husband and I do. Don't settle for a couple who is looking to get a child and be selfish about it. That's not fair to you or your baby. Good luck to you and don't let those few adoptive parents give ALL adoptive parents a bad name.
Originally Posted By michellewow - I think you will be surprised when you (if you) do start talking to prospective adoptive parents - we do know how difficult it is for you to place your baby, and the attachment you feel to your child while you are pregnant. As you research adoption more, you will discover that not only do birthparents cry for the loss of their child at placement, the adoptive parents also cry with empathy at what you entrusting to them. We haven't been fortunate enough to adopt yet, but please - know that the majority of adoptive parents do have an enourmous amount of respect for you and your decisions/choices. Don't let the vocal minority bias you against us! There are cynical, bitter birthparents out there as well who have allowed adoption to destroy them and their lives, PLEASE PLEASE don't let that happen to you!
Originally Posted By LucyMy husband and I are adoptive parents to a great little girl. We have an open adoption with our daughters birth family. Our daughter's birthmother had two children before our daughter. She parented those children for as long as she could. When she couldn't manage it anymore, the children went to live with their granmother (the birthmom's mom.) We will have to explain to our daughter why she was places for adoption outside the family and why her birth sisters stayed with the family. But, we think we can do this in a way that she understands by explaining the birth family's circumstances and her birthmom's desire to give her opprtunities that she would otherwise not have. I am optimistic about explaining this in a way that our daughter will understand and hopefully accept. We have photos of her birth sisters and hope that someday when the kids are older, they will meet one another. If you would like to talk more about this subject, please let me know how to contact you and I will gladly do so. I hope that you are able to find some peace in whatever decisions you make.