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Originally Posted By NakitaI am seeking advice from amothers who have had a hard time getting used to an open adoption. We adopted our son 5 years ago. We signed an open adoption agreement; however, the bmother has only written to us once and that was a month after our son was born. We write and send letters and pictures to her at least once a year, requesting to hear back from her and a picture of her for our son. We just recently adopted a baby girl and this adoption is truely an open adoption. We stay in contact through e-mail, some phone calls, and visits. I am really struggling with this. I feel really insecure and am having a hard time with this relationship. Please don't take me wrong. I am so very thankful for our bmother. She has given us a very special gift and we totally respect her feelings. Can anyone provide me with advice/info on how I can be more confident with the contact of the bmother without feeling threatened? Thank you.
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Originally Posted By Leahby any chance do you live in the northeast?be open with her. tell her what you need and what you want. she will reciprocate those feelings for she is feeling that you may betray her and cut contact completely. she may not know what she should do or how to go about doing any of it. if papers are signed then she has made her decision. she wants to stay in contact for the child's sake. the best piece of advice is be completely and brutally honest with her. tell her you feel insecure about the contact you have with her. you did agree to an open adoption meaning your feelings are to be shared. if you want to go back and make your agreement different then tell her that and make necessary changes. chances are she feels the same way about insecurity. give it some time. the bmom is getting used to life without her baby and not being able to see her whenever she wants and you are getting used to a completely open adoption. talk to her. let it all out. even if it hurts. she's probably waiting for you to make the first move. but don't hesitate. the only way it works is if you remain open and honest with her and yourself. open adoption takes work.let me know how it goes.
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