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Originally Posted By ElaineRecently my husband and I have started the adoption process. I have mixed feeling because I already have an adopted two and a half year old daughter. She is very attached to me. She gets upset if she sees me holding other children. During the last week she has started pushing my husband away and saying, "My mama." At the same time she loves being with other children. She has started talking and asking about sisters. Since we have just started the process, I know that we should still be at least a year away from adopting. This will give me time to prepare my daughter. But, I have several issues to deal with: overcoming severe separation anxiety, preparing her to share with a sibling, and geting her to share my attention with others. I love this little girl more than anything. I just want to do what is best for her. Any input would be appreciated.
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I think that this would be the case with ANY child, biological OR adopted. When they are used to being the only child and then have the competition of another sibling, it will be hard in the beginning, but that is something that can be overcome. Since you are just beginning the process, you have a lot of time to prepare your daughter for her new sibling and although she may not seem to cooperate when the baby arrives, she will if you work with her. In the long run, she'll enjoy a new playmate. Good luck to you!~Lindsay
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Originally Posted By LinnyElaine: At two and one half years old, I don't think your daughter's behaviors are that unusual. She may have been hearing you and your husband discuss adoption and bringing in another child. I think this is pretty normal. In regards to preparing her for a sibling, our family has been in this position many times (and always through adoption). We simply state things like, 'Oh, let's buy this for the new sister or brother that will be coming one day!' Or..." What do YOU think of (this or that) for a (color, room, etc). Do YOU think your new sister or brother would like this?" Or.... "Maybe we should (buy this, or go there, or do this 'something') then you will be able to tell your new (sister or brother) about it when they come!" There wasn't too much that occurred where I didn't make some sort of reference to 'how or why, when or where' our present kid/s could help out or educate, etc. I realize that for the very young child, you might have to become rather creative....but it can be done. I would expect a significant amount of sibling rivalry....don't know how you couldn't get beyond this....but all of it is a learning experience as well. The sad part, as far as I'm concerned, is if you chose NOT to adopt another because you just couldn't 'do' this to your present child. That action would only tell her that a an adult's heart is only big enough for one lovely child...... Hope this helps...Sincerely,Linny
Originally Posted By JensboysThis is something that many MANY moms deal with! Its just the reality of parenting and welcoming a new sibling into the family. Whether the baby was coming by a biologial route or through adoption makes no difference to a toddler. You ARE her mommy ... daddy steals your attention and her being jealous is totally normal and appropriate for her age.
Originally Posted By GlendaI too just began the process of adopting. This will be our third. I would suggest finding lots of cildren's books on bringing home a baby sister. There's lots out there. Include her in the planning. Talk about how there will be 4 people in your family now to share love. Tell her you need her to help you take care of the new baby. Show her lots of pictures from when you first brought her home and ask her help in starting an album for the new baby. The more secure she feels in her position in the family the less threaghtened she will feel bringing in another child.
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