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Originally Posted By Chris & JaniceWe have adopted a brother & sister who are two of eleven children, four of whom have the same father.We agreed to "open adoption" and met the adoptive parents of one full sibling (K) and one half sibling(J). We spent an afternoon together but the parents no longer wish to have any contact with us at all. We have sent Xmas & birthday cards but have not received any in return.We do not know what to do.We are very open with our children (3 & 4 years old) and fear that in later years K & J may well wish to make contact with our children and at that stage we will be honest enough to say that K & J's parents would not reply to our letters etc.This of course could create friction between J & K and their adoptive parents but also between the children.Should we try and "get on with our own lives" or persist in sending cards ? or is there an alternative ?We would welcome any views particularly from parents who have encountered similar problems.
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Originally Posted By adopteeThis is just my two cents, but I'd say definitely try to keep in touch with the kids and their adoptive parents. Your children have a right to know about their origins and will certainly have an interest at some point in knowing some of their siblings. And who knows, if you keep sending cards, letters and photos, maybe one day the other adoptive parents will open up and respond again. But even if they don't at least you can tell your kids that you tried to stay in touch with their siblings. I'm sure your kids will appreciate the effort.Good luck, and congrats on having such a great open relationship with your children.
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Originally Posted By VictoriaMy son's birth mom contacts us sparodically. I continue to send her photos of him 3-4 times a year even though she never confirms receipt of them. My suggestion would be that you continue to send cards (photos) only at holidays. B-parents mite change mind down the road and really, what does it take to send them photos with a quick note once or twice a yr?
Originally Posted By Liz LeeDear Chris and Janice-Wow! What a tough and heart-breaking problem! I have not had personal experience with the issue you are describing, but I have three years of experience with adoption counseling/social work.You did not mention how long you have been waiting for a reply from your childrens' siblings' family, so perhaps contact is still to come. Some people really only keep in touch once or twice a year with their relatives, and may do the same with you.I am wondering if there is a social worker or agency to whom you may be able to appeal?It is possible that the other family is simply overwhelmed with the responsibility they have taken on, but it is also possible that they have some concerns about complication that may arise due to differences in your families, due to religion, discipline, income level, or other awkward topics.Some people don't know how to discuss such complicated things, and may just avoid it altogether.If it is possible to talk to the social worker for their family, perhaps you could ask if there is a particular reason for the end of contact. If the social worker lets you know that you should not expect much future contact, I recommend giving as much information to her as the children will need in order to contact each other some day, and keeping a journal for yourself about the feelings you are having.Someday, when this situation is far away, it will be good for you to remind yourself exactly what happened, and perhaps to share with your children, if it seems appropriate.God bless you and your chidlren. I am very sorry for their loss. Don't give up! You are doing what good moms do by trying to keep some roots intact for them.