potty problems

Originally Posted By KPKThe first line of my message should read that, "I have a 7-year-old WHO still will not poop in the toilet... not that I have a 7-year-old AND still will not poop in the toilet. Believe me, poop is his problem, not mine! :-)

Don't have experience with poop problems, mine was a "pee-er". He was definately peeing out his anger. Are you working with an attachment therapist? My experience is that RAD kids don't get better without it. Traditional therapy and theraplay only made my son worse. You are probably very right in that once the attachment issues resolve, so will this problem. One suggestion may be to have him wear pullups/goodnights. Not as punishment, but as a natural solution for those who have accidents. If he's older, this might be a motivator. Medicaid should pay for these. Just need Dr's script with diagnosis (for my son, PTSD was sufficient). Another idea might be to find a way that he can have control over his poop. Can he have a choice over what pot to put it in? Can he use food coloring to have a choice on the color of water in the toilet bowl?But if he's truely RAD, he may prefer the chaios of inappropriate pooping. I'd just leave the solution up to him, offer some suggestions but act like it's no big deal to you. It may help if he truly perceives that you don't care either way, it's not your issue -it's his. Good luck, DimasMom

Thanks for the input! I like the idea of coloring the water--very creative!We worked with a fabulous attachment therapist several years ago and did go back in diapers at a fairly old age for a period of time. This was great in terms of re-parenting, but did not fully resolve the trust issue. At this point, I do not believe he has much to gain from that aspect of re-parenting and it is not that much more difficult to clean up underwear.After attachment parenting for several years now, he has made tremendous strides in building trust and other attachment skills/abilities. I really believe that the poop issue is pretty much the last major piece of control that he is retaining. I am convinced that this is not a matter of pushing mom's buttons at this point, but simply happening because to do otherwise causes him to be overwhelmed with fear as a result of relinquishing this little bit of control.I have to say that I really set myself up for this years ago by attempting to potty train when he was still 2-years-old and through doing all the typical types of training that involved rewards and praise. I simply did not have the information that I have since gained. On the brighter side, I keep reminding myself that although poop is messy and gross to deal with, there are many other behaviors that are destructive and even more difficult to deal with!Looking forward to hearing more from you all!

Originally Posted By Dr. Arthur Becker-WeidmanThe first question is, does your son's deficating in his pants or elsewhere bother him at all? If he would like this different, then you can work with him using all the creative ideas you've already gotten such as a potty chair, colored water, etc. etc. If you son has no interest in using the toilet, then you do have a significant problem that may be indicative of unresolved attachment issues. In this instance, it must become your son's problem and not yours. I'd NOT recommend diapers. Let him clean up his mess. Does this limit his ability to attend school? Have friends over or do sleep overs? If you son does not want to make it different, then I'd just let it alone and leave it as his problem. I suspect that if he doesn't want to change, that if you disengage, he will eventually change.Arthur Beckere-Weidman, Ph.D.Center For Family Development716-810-0790AWeidman@concentric.net[url="http://www.Center4FamilyDevelop.com"]http://www.Center4FamilyDevelop.com[/url]