Is Anyone Parenting a Gifted Child???

Dear ldavis1605 (and Everyone) :) That is great ldavis1605 that you are willing to look into various options for your son. I would continue to do this for your son until you find that he has a good balance of stimulation. One of my dear friends has a gifted child. She has had great success with the Kumon Math program. This is a program to supplement your child's school work. Perhaps a program like this would stimulate your son and get him over the hump until second grade. Her son loves it! The students work at their own pace. It teaches them math skills that build speed and challenges their mind. Some Kumon Centers have a mail in program which helps getting work back and forth. This is their web site. I do not know the cost off hand According to the two families I know that utilize Kumon Math they tell me it is worth the money to see their child's needs met more than what they could get at school. The web site is [url]http://www.kumon.com.[/url] They have a zip code search engine to locate a Kumon Center within 20 miles of the zip code area. It even includes a map and e-mail address. I am not sure if the Kumon program would be something your child would enjoy but it may be worth looking into. When children do not have what they need in their primary school it is great to be able to supplement. It allows the child a chance to have success (no matter how large or small) in another environment. Each success can build to another success which aids with good self-esteem. Any personal success in my mind is worth celebrating! Do others have ideas on supplementing our children's education? Please chime in. Best of luck to you as you parent your gifted child. You have support here as others can understand what you are going through. Your son sounds very special. It is wonderful that he has a loving mom too! Blessings to you and yours,

Very difficult day this am. Riding to school one of the girls says, "I didn't do my Superstars (Advanced Learner's) math homework." I said, "Well, what is the consequence when you don't do that?" "Nothing, you just don't get points." Like, hey, its no big deal. Nothing bad happens, and it doesn't really matter anyway. It's really sad. School is boredom, boredom equals unhappiness and strife. I am reading Gifted Grownups by Marylou Kelly Streznewski. It is extremely enlightening and helpful. I stumbled upon it on the library shelf while looking for optical illusion books for the same child mentioned above. It is a blessing. Her teacher told me she's sorry, but she just doesn't have time to concentrate on my child; she can hardly have enough time to help those who are behind grade level. She had to stop my little girl from talking about percentages because they were actually studying fractions and my little girl was confusing the other students. :D Yes, I'm proud, but this isn't going to get better. If she can't go to a special school, then she needs an IEP. Fun, fun.

Where do you live, I am from the Boston area and we have charter schools. they are public schools,but with a different ciriculum. I think its based on childs abilities. Have you looked into different schools? I don't know much about gifted children, mine are quite average...Thank God,..altough I do have one with dyslexia, and your right he does get the services he needs. Have your children been tested so you know for sure that they are gifted? I do believe that you do have your own set of challenges in order to keep them challenged but keep them at thier own maturity leval. Sabra, I agree , that balance is the key. A parent also needs lots of confidence in order not to fall into the trap of what everyone else is doing. Its not always easy but it needs to be done for the child, so he/she can proceed as they need to. Unfortunaltly I learned that with my oldest, he came through it ok(he is now 20)......oh those poor 1st children!!! Donna

I just finished reading, Gifted Grownups. It's about giftedness, not just about grownups. It is very helpful in parenting the gifted child.

Hi Sabra, I have an 11-year-old son who started reading at 3 and now takes advanced math in addition to gifted and talented classes in his middle school. From the time he was a toddler, I have always followed his lead as to what he was interested in, then we just took it a few steps further than we would with a more average child. I also agree with the "balance" idea; my son plays soccer in the fall, takes piano all year round and now plays clarinet in the school band, but that's it. He will join Scouts next year to give him some leadership/life skills. These are all things he expressed interest in, not necessarily us. We're lucky in that our public school district is very adept at identifying and targeting students with advanced abilities. He has been in the gifted program since first grade and placed in advanced math classes since third grade. He doesn't seem bored -- although that is one thing we really worried about when he was younger.

Sabra, If it's inappropriate to relay this, please remove, but I've also subscribed to another forum: gt-world.com It is for gifted adults, children and families w/ gifted children. It is very interesting. It's not as great as these forums, but some might find it helpful. Sincerely,

I am not a parent as yet, but I have helped to raise my 8-year-old sister and I have seen what has happened to me in my life, so I feel like I need to offer a bit of my insight into this. In addition to the frenzy of balancing activities and so forth, a lot of people I think forget that because the child is extremely intelligent, he/she is probably being exposed to a lot of material that he/she isn't emotionally ready to deal with. I don't mean sex on TV or swearing; I mean current events--I remember when I was young and first learned about people starving to death, I just couldn't take it. It shattered my world. I was reading all of these books, and reading the newspapers at maybe five years old, and I couldn't comprehend the idea of people starving. And I was so mad and so frustrated, and I didn't understand how it could be happening. And when I was told that I couldn't single-handedly go in there and MAKE IT STOP happening, I became extremely upset. Adult reality is scary, and gifted children, because of their intelligence, often encounter it before they can emotionally process it. So I think that in parenting the gifted child, one really needs to make sure to talk with the child about the world events, to reassure them that they are still safe, to try to make them understand that they cannot be responsible for every sparrow's fall, and in short, to treat them like children, and not like mini-adults, even if they do read the New York Times and can discuss current events as well as most adults. I see the same thing happening now with my little sister--a lot of fear, a lot of anxiety, because she's aware of all of these terrible things that happen in the world, can't comprehend how/why they are happening, and doesn't have a strong sense that these terrible things won't happen to her. Just--I think my philosophy about one of the number-one responsibilities parents have is to make sure their child does not feel like a stranger in a strange land. And it's a lot easier for a gifted child to feel like that stranger, so the parents have to try as hard as they can to make their child feel like he/she belongs, and isn't a stranger. rambling thoughts, Noi

Noi, I believe you are so totally on target with your comments. It is a concern that should be addressed with gifted children. They do tend towards the empathetic, and often they do feel the pain of world and community events. When I was growing up, I was reading the newspaper at age four. I was reading the newspaper one night and asked my dad what "rape" meant . . . needless to say, my parents were a little dumbfounded at that moment. Now it is a family story, but I was glad it was a family story. It's made me very aware of trying to be aware of what my children are reading and listening too. Incidentally, I also had no savings because every year when the Jerry Lewis telethon came on, I would call in and pledge my money . . . I was definitely a person who was a little empathetic!

My 3 year old is extremely intelligent and is writing some letters and is starting to read. How do I know if she is gifted? Thanks Donna

Donna, My oldest son was also 3 when he began reading and writing. I knew at the time he was precocious, but it never occurred to me to verify this with some kind of test. And when you think about it, it's not really necessary at this age. If you follow your daughter's lead and let her explore her interests, keep her surrounded with books and music, and take her on fun and educational outings, she will advance at her own (quick) pace. My son was in first grade when he was formally identified as gifted. This is the age when our school system started testing of this sort for kids who seemed like they needed it. Since then (he's almost 13 now), he has been in the gifted and talented program at his school and has benefitted from many fun and interesting projects in it. One of the best parts of having kids like this is that they keep themselves entertained very easily. If you follow their interests, they're never bored.

Can someone please define gifted for me? I was considered gifted as a child-high IQ, etc. My 4 y/o has always been advanced for his age. How do I determine if he is gifted?

NDN, Giftedness is not always easy to define. It can come solely from having a high IQ -- 135 or higher according to our school district, which issues a standard IQ test to all kids testing for the gifted program. But there are gifted kids with normal IQs who have special abilities in a certain area, like art or music or even something like leadership. At 4, if you want to find out if your child is gifted you'd need to privately arrange for an IQ test. Maybe your pediatrician can point you in the direction of a child psychologist or someone in the field willing to do a test like that on a child this age.

Donna aka Lexiesmom, Warning: long! Your daughter may be gifted (btw, the label is significant later if you intend to send her to public school so that she might access services). In addition to tests being provided by a child psychologist, many large Universities also have the abiltiy to test your child within their Early Childhood Development program. Whether or not to have her tested is a really personal decision. Anyway, giftedness is often less about what your daughter knows and more about how she knows it. (i.e. did she learn almost seemingly independently? does she learn without any repetition? does she press you constantly for more information about all events/objects/discussions that she is exposed to?) For example, while we talk constantly in our home and have always included our dd in our conversations and have read to her constantly since birth, she has learned virtually everything she knows after one discussion, saying and identifying all letters of the alphabet since 18 months, memorizing songs after hearing them once, learning French and Spanish, identifying virtually every animal as well as every planet in the solar system and basic facts about each. Three is quite early to write and read, and very very early and advanced verbal skills are often a factor in children who are, at any age, determined to be gifted. I have a link to a website that provides some very simple things to examine in your toddler that can help you make a determination. However, there are many children who are gifted in music and art and whose IQ is within normal range. In fact, I met a woman recently who had no indication that her son was gifted until he was 10; she bought him a keyboard, and he was able to play any music by ear. Within two years, with instruction, he has masterted the classical concerto of many of the musical geniuses. I digress. . . The reason that it may be really important to understand your daughter's abilities is because it will help guide you in parenting her, which is why it has been extremely important for me. I do not know if any issues have arisen thus far for you, but for us, they were apparent very very early. First, she reduced her sleep to 8-9 hours a night at 12 months. Could not get her to take a nap; she did not need one. She is NOT redirectable and cannot be distracted in any form or fashion, from anything, regardless of the creativity of effort; between the age of 1 and 1 1/2, when I attempted to redirect her, she would say "mama, I have an ant bite" or "mama, I have dust in my eye. can you get it out." She was unusually empathetic and would become very very sad and isolated about things to which another child her age was completely oblivious. Her tantrums, which are never about getting her way but about her expectations of routine, escalate very very quickly and she is completely unable to calm herself; therefore, what other parents use, like time out, is so counter productive for us. She is pressing me all waking hours of every day to provide additional information about her various curiosities. Children who are gifted are easily bored and must find a way to occupy their minds, which often results in what society or public school will define as behavioral issues. In fact, it is not uncommon for very gifted kids to be placed in remedial classes without the advocacy of their parents and later dropping out of school. Our daughter is unusually sociable and very very pleasant, making friends wherever she goes, but this is often not the case with gifted kids. Many times they are very very shy. She prefers the company of any adult to any child her age or close - always, because they are unable to communicate with her. I have read several great books; each had tremendous value for me, which translates into great value for her. If you want to know what they are or would like the link or just to chat, send me a private message. I wish you luck. BTW, my dd is 2.5 years, just slightly younger than yours.

Are you sure you aren't talking about my children? My kids have done the same thing for as long as I can remember. My older son spoke very early, but my younger waited a little longer-but still before the expectation of most chilred. Even before he could verbalize, he would make up his own crude signs and sound to get me to understand what he was asking.

Is anyone interested in adopting a 16 year old gifted child? If interested,please e-mail to maxymem1994@hotmail.com