Adoption in your late 40's

Just for a little male perspective...I'm 47 and LOML is 45. We had talked about adoption from time to time, but only recently started to look at it seriously. The major trigger for me to renew the conversation was a dear friend of mine deciding to become a single birth mom at age 40 (tick...tick..), but I've been feeling the need to become a responsible parent for some time. Interestingly enough, while my brother has 6 natural children; I can't for medical reasons. I do think it requires quite a bit of introspective examination of your life, your lifestyle and your situation before making this step at an "older" age, but you can often also benefit from many more life experiences as you move forward than a young birth or adoptive parent. In our discussions we've decided that should we move forward with adoption, we would not be best served with an infant. Rather, a child 4-10 is going to be our target and in that vein, it will likely be an international event since in our state, it's nearly impossible to adopt a child in that age group without going the foster-to-adopt route and suffering the risks thereof. Our state tends to "Family Reunification" while the kids are in that age group. In a sense, our careers have also matured to where each of us can be pretty flexible--I work at home when I'm not on business travel (technical sales) and she has the ability to do the same with her work. (research) I don't think either of us would give up working "outside the home", but the flexibility we have will be wonderful when it comes to spending more quality time with a child should one enter our life. I don't worry about the "age" thing at all...we live health lives (other than the need for more exercise which apparently comes automajically with a young child around...:D ) and expect to be around for a long time. So, I'd say that any barriers to folks in their late 40s or even a little beyond are artificial. If it's in your heart and you're willing to do what you need to do to be a good, responsible parent...go for it!

My husband and I are both 47 and adopting an infant from Guatemala. Would like to share experiences with you if you have time to write a PM.

My husband and I are 43/44 years old. We adopted our little boy in June 2002. He is now three years old and the light of our life. We are now waiting for a referral of a second child or possible a sibling group. Ok, so we'll be in our 60's when our son is in his 20's, but, what's so great about being young parents? We have are settled into our lives, our careers, did our travelling, are long finished with partying, have a happy, committed relationship.. And we can focus on our son, giving him the attention and love he deserves. A hundred years ago at age 60 or 70 people were pretty much at the end of their life-span. This is no longer the case today. People are active, fit and involved in life even at such an "advanced" age. If you can give a child a safe, loving home, do it.

Thanks to all of you over 40 that have adopted and are excited and happy about their decision. My husband and I just turned 41 and we have a 14 year old son and we are in the process of trying to adopt an infant. Of course everyone questions our sanity and ability to parent another child at this age. We say...So what, if it's God's will and we believe it is, we will be able to do it just fine!

"Ok, so we'll be in our 60's when our son is in his 20's",---- Shai's mom You know...this comment always made me wonder what everyone else was thinking when they said something to this effect? I agree completely-----so what? Does this mean that people believe that when my children are in their 20's.......they're going to come back and live with me and I'll have to change their diapers again? Or......does it mean that they think when my kids are in their 20's or 30's........they're gonna 'hang out with us'????? BTW.....my two oldest are 24 and 23yrs. They were infant adoptions and came when we were a mere 23 and 25yrs old. They've gone on to have their OWN lives and decisions...and we remain close. So....again, I have to wonder-----what's the reasoning people make this kind of remark to us older couples???? (If it has to do with being grandparents...I'm sorry.....I won't put that kind of pressure on my children! The choice to have children or not, is theirs alone, you know????) Just wondering and agreeing with you..... :) Linny

Hey Linny,I never thought of it all in that way before. You and others are right though. When this potential child becomes an adult, he/she is an ADULT! My 14 year old will be an adult someday soon and hopefully in college. He won't care how old we are because he will be focusing on his own life, not so much ours let alone our age differences. A child deserves loving parents no matter what and if you are able to give them what they need now God will take care of the rest late on in their life.

Thanks, Deb. I forgot to add (and I saw no 'edit button' on these 'wonderful new boards'......( I'm smiling, I'm smiling...through it all.....I'm smiling, okay???? :) )....anyway, our two youngest are 3yrs and 19 months. So, guess that means that we----at the ELDERLY age of 47yrs....will be almost SEVENTY when they are in their 20's!!!!!! Holy cow!!! How will they possibly be able to walk on their own, talk on their own, and microwave their own corn dog???? LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!! Sincerely, Linny

[font=Comic Sans MS]Hey Linny,[/font][font=Comic Sans MS]Wow! You and your husband have your hands full with two little ones. I'm happy for you though that you can do this. Our main concern now is not age but the money that it takes to even get the process started. Unfortunately there's not much of it so we are debating on which direction to take and always in prayer of course! We are tring to decide what facilitator to go with and which one we can afford. We are sending out our support letters and applying for grants but it's still very early, too early to tell just yet. Thank you for your encouraging words![/font][font=Comic Sans MS][/font] [font=Comic Sans MS]Debbie[/font]

Debbie: I don't know what state you live in, but from our experience and study, usually a facilitator is more expensive than using an agency. I know for our 'next to the youngest baby'.....we refinanced our home (better interest rate at that time anyway).....and for the last baby, we borrowed the money outright with an unsecured loan. This unsecured loan thing is tough to find, I know.....but check it out. If you are looking to adopt an AA or bi-racial baby, I'll be glad to send you my list of suggestions of agencies/attorneys and one networker. Most of them have very reasonable fees, and none of them charge a large sum of money up front. (Most of them don't want money until the placement is a 'legitimate one'.) This helps when you don't want to get involved with that 'non-refundable stuff'! Best of luck.... Linny

Linny, I live in Georgia. Unfortunately, we will not be able to consider an AA or biracial baby due to my in-laws preferences. I wish that did not have to determine what we want but it does in order to keep a good ralationship and so the baby would be treated fairly as well. We can accept any other races or mixtures except for that. So do the organizations that you are speaking of only work with AA or biracial? I wish I could find someone who doesn't charge a fee up front to be accepted into their organization but i don't know that that even exsist. My direct email is deb035@yahoo.com if you have anything to send that would be great. Thanks! Debbie

Hi Julie64, Thank you! I saw somehwhere that you posted a reply to me but not sure how I found it. I was editing my profile. I guess and it was there but I don't see it displayed here. I am obviously new to this and haven't learned all the ins and outs yet. So anyway thanks for the welcome!

Deb: The agenices I suggest do deal with CC situations.....but I'm not as sure about their fees. Still, I know they don't ask for a bunch of money up front, etc. You mention that you're new to the board........turn on your 'pm' feature and let folks send you info through this feature then! If not, then I'll copy it to my email account too; but thought you'd like the ease of the pm feature! Sincerely, Linny

Thanks Linny, done! Ready to recieve!

Deb: I just sent it to you. Hope it helps you in some way! :) Sincerely, Linny

These are probably the same folks who "threw out" their pets when they weren't convenient -- life should never be seen as throwaway. We adopted our infant son at 48. He's almost 7 now and we are about to bring home a 4 year old daughter from Guatemala. Never, ever did we consider giving our son up -- course, we never considered giving up our pets either.