9 Ways to Build Strong Matches Online

When you are creating a profile or sharing your hope to adopt online, be honest with the reader. Don’t inflate yourself to who you wish you were or who you think an expectant mother with an adoption plan would like you to be. Be yourself. Be honest. Be real.

Be clear right from the beginning if a possible match is on the horizon. You will want to understand what they are looking for in an adoption match and future relationship as well as for them to have a firm understanding of what you are looking for. While adoption relationships often evolve over time, having up-front expectations sets a firm foundation.

Don’t under-deliver on your promises. If you say you will send pictures monthly and visit 4 times a year, don’t suddenly drop off the face of the earth. This should go for both parties. Adoption relationships are lifelong commitments, much like a marriage. Everyone has to participate and follow through in order for it to work.

Some states have clear laws on who can arrange a match, how a match can be found, and marketing for your adoption match. Be clear on what the laws are in your state and in the state of the expectant mother so you don’t run into any legal problems.

Laws and ethics often overlap, but there are many things that are gray areas or have loopholes in the law. Don’t look for these loopholes, as that can be considered unethical. You want your child to be proud of his or her adoption story and never question the ethics of the adults involved.

Modern adoption language in online settings shows you are knowledgeable and respectful to adoption and expecting parents. It doesn’t mean you should make a big fuss over language if you see someone else using words considered not to be positive, but maybe you can gently guide others by sharing your insight.

You may meet many expectant mothers considering adoption placement. You may get your hopes up for some situations to result in a child's being placed with you. But keep in mind that things happen, life changes, and sometimes the match never happens, dissolves, or the mother decides to parent. It’s okay.

First and foremost, be friends. Allow yourself to support this woman as she makes the difficult decision of whether or not to place. If she is considering you for adoption placement, making sure she is aware of her options and that you will be okay if she parents is the most supportive and ethical thing you can do in any pre-birth match.