I’m in a dilemma– again– about birth parent interaction. Just when I thought I had settled it for myself, well I hadn’t.
The other day I casually mentioned to Sunshine that I am planning a get-together with the Littles’ birth mother. Sunshine couldn’t believe it. “What are you thinking Mom? It’s just going to upset and confuse them. I don’t think that is a good idea at all.”
Now in truth, I hadn’t asked for her opinion, but I am considering it. She is worried about them getting their hearts broken and about them being confused. These are certainly reasonable concerns. On the other hand, I’m worried about denying them this connection to their past and the information that comes with it about their biological roots.
They may get their hearts broken. However, heartbreak is inherent in foster-to-adopt. It’s unavoidable. In my mind, then, it’s a calculated risk. Birth mom does lead a complicated life, but she is also more settled now then she’s ever been, and she has lived in one town her whole life– safe to say she’s not going anywhere. We also have little brother to consider. He’s 2-1/2 right now. If we can get all these kids together soon and regularly, when they grow up, it will be as if they’ve always known him. That is worth a LOT in my book. Sunshine herself has a birth sibling she’s never met, and it bothers her. Her own birth mom talked about having them meet when they were little but never followed through. Had they, they would have always known and seen each other; as it is now, her birth brother has chosen not to meet her. He’s out of highschool now, so may one day change his mind, but for now, it’s one more source of heartbreak.
These relationships are complicated, but what relationship isn’t? I am just going to follow my heart on this one, and call that Mama to make a date. Cheers.