Time for an update on meeting my son...

Yes I know I'm getting ahead of myself I know we have a long and rough road ahead of ourselves before we adopt him but in my heart I feel that this is our son. So on the day I met my baby. I was scared and nervous I prayed that I would feel something, some kind of bond/attachment, to just know. It was strange because his foster family lives very near where D's mom was living. So I drove past that part of the city and surprised myself by finding the home very quickly. I was nervous, had butterflies and wanted to throw up. It was like meeting my husband all over again. (LONG story) I remember thinking on my way to the door through the cold that this felt exactly the same and how odd that it was. I knocked and nobody answered. I was worried I had the wrong house. Keep in mind that it is frigid cold. I was so nervous, this didn't help. I knocked 3 different times each time a little louder. No doorbell. Finally the foster mom opened the door. I remember thinking how young she looked. She motioned me towards the living room. I have to tell you as soon as I saw E my heart knew this was my child. He was grinning from ear to ear bouncing up and down in his walker. He has the most beautiful large eyes, long thick eye lashes that curl slightly up, he has dimples on both cheeks, puffs of curly hair on top, he is the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. But that is not why I knew he was mine. It was a feeling more then anything. His foster mom took him out of his walker and handed him to me. He looked right into my eyes and smiled. I tickled him under his chin while talking to him and he laughed, the best sound! I was able to feed him a bottle. He looked into my eyes the entire time. I felt a connection. It was time for his nap so I had to leave. As I left his foster mom and him stood at the window waving goodbye. We were leaving for the weekend for Canada to visit dh's grandparents. I wasn't going to see him for 9 days! I got in my car called my dh got emotional and told him "I think I just met our son." We were NOT going to tell ANYONE in his family as they have not been supportive of foster/adopt since our recent placement of two infants went home. We also did not know if this was going to be a for sure thing at all. I guess as soon as I was done talking he got off of the phone and told all of his family. I called my mom and told her the news. She called my dad on her cell phone and held it up to the phone. We decided that dh and dd's needed to meet him before we made a final decision. We all wanted to feel the same way I did. I went to Target and baby Gap and purchased some cute clothes. I went to Toys-R-Us and got him some toys. We ended up having a big snow storm and we were not able to go to Canada-oh darn. Instead we had were able to go and get E on Friday. Dh got work off early. As soon as dh saw him he broke out in a smile. He reached for E and E reached out to him! It was such a sweet moment. Even the foster mom had a few tears in her eyes. (I love this lady-so grateful for what she has done and is doing!) Dh got him giggling in no time. We got him and all of his many many bags in the car-good foster mommy didn't want us to go out shopping. We arrived home just in time. The girls walked through the door and there was E. They both instantly loved him. It is amazing and unusual how much all of us have felt this instant connection to this baby. He makes it easy with his dimpled smiles. Oh if only I could post a picture! We had him all weekend. There were many precious moments. He loves to snuggle. He loves it when I sing and read to him. He loves to play with the girls. We were worried about the in-laws and us accepting a placement after telling them we were done and them being 100% against us ever doing foster care again. We went to have dinner Friday evening and as soon as I walked in the door my FIL scooped him up. He looked right at him and tears welled up in his eyes as my FIL said hello. My MIL couldn't believe how gorgeous he was. I was getting a little irritated that I couldn't hold my baby! I know he needs to attach to one person right now. But this was good. We now have the full support of our in-laws who are absolutely head over heals for this little guy. He is a good baby, he really is. He has some issues he needs some help with but he is a baby he has found his family and he will overcome all of them. I don't think there was a moment of if he would come to live with us or if we would do this it was when and can it be soon??? It was very hard to take him back Sunday afternoon. I reluctantly did. He was very happy to see his foster mom and foster siblings. He gave his 2 year old foster sister a big hug and sloppy kiss. I could see the wonderful bond he has developed with his foster family and that was very comforting to know how well he has been cared for. It will be easier for him to bond to us and form a healthy attachment. I am going to be working hard on attachment parenting! I am so excited. I got a call Sunday evening from my mom and dad who are planning a trip in one month to come and meet the baby, I love my parents! They want to meet their newest grandson. I told them that this is not going to be final until that piece of paper is signed and that can take a year or more. They don't care they feel the same way I do that this was meant to be and we will adopt him. My mom will be here for 2 weeks my dad will come for a few days. SW wants a slow transition into our home. We will do that over the next month. It makes it hard on me but I do feel it will be easier on E. Oh we plan on changing his name to Eli (not his given name but it is close enough to be his nickname so we won't get in trouble.) DD was reading a book and the name Eli was used it struck all of us that this was his name. So little Eli will be living with us in a month if all goes as planned. I am beat! I better go to bed. weird how this is not at all what we were planning right now but it is exactly why we entered foster/adopt.