I have been looking on photolistings of different states and so many of the kids I am interested are in large sibling groups. Are agencies ever willing to split sibling groups or should this just not be done at all? I can adopt 2 but lots of them are from larger groups than that. What is the general view with siblings?:confused:
I don't want to be rude and I understand your dilemma, but please go back and reread your question as if you were one of the children in those pictures. They've lost so much already and all they have is each other.
There are times when siblings, for various reasons, cannot be placed together. That's a decision made which much thought to each child's needs-not what parents can handle.
Having had a foster-to-adopt placement of two of four siblings ... determined to be placed in three separate homes in the best interest of the children due to different special needs, I can speak that if a sibling group appears as a group, don't question splitting them. Ours were already scheduled to be split but five years later none of them have had a successful adoption placement ... they won't accept the world this way and thus disrupt any happiness any of them have. And if you do inquire on having part of a sibling group placed with you, remember the contact they suggest is mandatory in the children's minds ... we gave even more than suggested and even that was not enough for them to separate out and move forward.
It is very important to keep sibling groups together wherever possible. Kids who've gone through foster care together are even closer than your average child, because the only constant in their lives is one another. They have protected one another in many cases. Here in Illinois, there is a committee of teens who've grown up in the foster care system. They act as consultants to DCFS. Their number one complaint about foster care is losing contact with siblings. The children listed as sibling groups are almost always meant to be adopted together. If you want just one or two, please look for the kids listed individually. And, there are certainly lots of beautiful groups of 2 out there. Keep searching. It would be wonderful if you could help keep a sibling group of two together. Good luck with your search.
Just in case you're not aware of this, almost every state has its own website, so check them out individually.
Last update on April 16, 6:17 am by Sachin Gupta.
Hello Roomformore,
I can totally understand not being ready to adopt more than a couple at a time, personally one at a time is all I can handle it seems. Most states won't give it a thought of splitting siblings if they are bonded and have been together for any amount of time. Usually the youngest ones would be taken right away and the older ones would stay in foster care. I've know people that have adopted 4 or 5 kids and it worked out great.
Don't give up, adopting foster kids is one of the greatest feelings out there. You'll find exactly what you're looking for, it will happen when you're least expecting it and you'll know when it's right :) Oh yeah, prepare for heartache, because there's a lot of it before you find your perfect children ;)
I sometimes question the placing of siblings together. I have a 4.5 year old that has now been placed in 19 homes and has met her 20 set of parents this week.
The reason.... she has been placed with an older sibling who disrupted every placement. Some of these have been adoptive. The older child has made allegations and then the fp or ap wash their hands. Everyone wants to take the one I have even though she shows mild RAD. Nobody wanted them together. A yr ago they finally split them after an allegation. After it was all cleared up the af passed on my liitle one. She stayed a while at the temp placement who couldn't afford to adopt her then was taken in by another family with 2 kids and 1 on the way after 4 mo they decided they couldn't handle the chaos. She should never have been placed there. Now she is temporarily with us until they chose her new family. Had she not been with her sister for 3 yrs she would probably not have the attachement issues she has.
My two cents are that sometimes sibling placements aren't best and cw need to get a clue quicker!
Have you tried going to your local DFS? In our county, they have a book where they list the children that are availalbe in our state first and if they don't find a family that way, then they list them on the internet. That is a good place to find a smaller sibling group. If you choose to adopt, don't forget to read the child's file. Good Luck, don't give up, there are alot of 2 sibling children waiting.
We didn't foster- we adopted foster children. But in both adoptions the sibling was adopted by another family. While I wouldn't want to separate any child from a sib- I have to be truthful. In our cases, it has been better for the children to be parted from the sibs. Few people mention -when talking of them staying together- the violence they may perpetuate on each other or mental abuse- or the poor social skills- or protecting each other from forming healthy relationships with new people. There is so much to work through, sometimes, that children can't get healthy till they get clear of the old patterns ( which may include the siblings).
that is quite unusual. I have a 3 fc. The one fs has been with us a yr and came to us solo. His mom is now PG and due to deliver end of Sept. We are planning to adopt our fs when final termination occurs. Don't know about the baby yet.
The other 2 fc we have are 18 mo.girl and almost 4 yo boy. They are talking about possible termination of their parent rights also and are going to start looking for a resource family in the next month or so if family/relative doesn't turn up anyone and it's looking that way now. I have had a very close relationship with the grandparents, see them a fair amount and talk to the gma several times per week. I have expressed an interest in adopting the younger child but with the adoption of our other fs , we just don't feel we could handle a 3rd boy at the same age (bson is 2, fs is 3, other fs is 3 1/2) plus the 2 fs's are special needs and the age difference and gender difference and special needs difference with all the children would make it feel a good match to keep the 18 mo girl but, I think I would be a bit crazy to take on her brother unless I would want triplets with 2 of them special needs and a total of 5 kid !!!! SS & GAL is not too keen on my offer to split the sibs but, the gma on the other hand thinks it would be just fine as she sees the parent attachment that the little one has as more crucial to her right now than her sib attachment to her troubled brother. Gma feels if he would have a nice loving home that could dedicate a lot of time to his needs that would work out fine and that he would not necessarily care about whether he had his sister there or not. Gma of course would love if we adopted both but understands and respects that only adopting the girl would probably be in everyones best interest. His sister is also very attached to the other 3 children in our home, probably as much as she is to her brother.
Anyway, looking for any thoughts on this or experience on this issue.
Oh, I have expressed that I definitely would keep contact with other sibs, no problem. The gparents have the oldest sister, a bf have their older brother, so it would be interesting but I am more than willing to keep in close contact with sibs and plan for visits and overnight stays , etc. I had their older brother in our home before he went to live with his bdad.
i can only speak from my experiances, we are fostering 2 children with hopes to adopt, their 10 year old half sister lived with us for a while, before moving to her grandmothers. there were pros and cons for both senerios (her staying and her going) i think we made the best decision based on the resources avaliabe to us and to her. in a perfect world we could simply love all the violance out of her, both quit our jobs to give them 100 percent of our attention all the time, however in this case it was safer, and therfore better for the younger two if A moved to her grandmas (where she very much wanted to go) so far things are working out for everyone, we go vist her on the weekend and they get to see each other offten. before this situation i would have said absolutly never split a sib group.... but sometimes its for the best, just remember there is a huge diffrence between splitting into seprate homes and not ever seeing their sister.
I am so sorry for your personal pain- I can't imagine how difficult that would be. But not all sibling groups should be placed together. Some children parent their siblings to the detriment of their siblings (not allowing them to form relationships with adoptive parents or siblings) and to the detriment of themselves (no child should have to loose their childhood because they're caring for a sibling.) Other children are abusive even to the point of sexually molesting their siblings. Some children have so many psychiatric problems it isn't possible to keep them at home, much less with siblings. Some kids blame a sib for "telling" and cause almost irreparable harm emotionally when place dwith that child.
I do understand your point. But life is so complicated it isn't possible to be so black & white.