Quick update

which judge said about his lifestyle change? see family law did grant the visitation in my case and refused to put the case on hold just because we filed for adoption. However, That did not hurt the adoption. The attorney knew about and the judge knew about it. I have to go know i will write more later. Oh ya I got a ear full from the family law judge trying to claim I was ruining my daughters life by pusueing the adoption. Whatever, Like they can think of a childs best interest. They think. Lets allow contact at all costs.

Hi Crabcakes: My daughter is only 4. And she is very adimant about wanting nothing to do with this man that claims he is her father. If your child does not know this man then they will put her through a reunification therapy type thing if they do anything. I feel for the kids of men that have egos like this. It tears my heart out every time we go to therapy because she keeps asking what is going to happen her daddy she has at home. I keep reassuring her that nothing is going to happen to him and that he will always be there for her and then she asks "then why do I need another dad?"

you know my daughter was 4 when they did the reunification process with her. how far into four is she. The key is to agree with the situation and not fight. fighting it even in the inside is going to mess up the situation. does he have supervised visits? If he does then He can not say anything about you guys.The best thing to do is being truthful with your daughter, Let her know what is going on. Tell her she has two daddys . Let her know what a real daddy is. And have her compare bio dad to the definition of a real dadddy. let her know that you can call him daddy because that is what he is requesting however you are not going to make her do anything she does not want to. What is he going to do if she calls him by his first name anyways. This is new. He is a stranger to her. My daughter was the same age. And somehow she made it through the whole situation. Even if he would have remained in the picture then he would have became daddy to her. My daughter knew the truth from him going to jail to his leaveing her to him wanting to be good know and seeing her. the best thing you can do is encourage the relationship. IF he ruins her emotions she will realize the jerk he turned out to be. But at least she saw it for herself and not by word which can actually ruin your relationship with the ones that actuallly love her.

She turned 4 in August. But she is a very smart 4 year old. We call her our teenager stuck in a 4 year olds body. I am not fighting it...but now she has to go to therapy because of the reunification therapy. I guess it would be different if her bio father was pleasing to look at. But he looks like this really old scary looking guy. so I keep trying to encourage her because I figure she will know the truth about him in her own time. He had a fit in the therapy room when the therapist told him that she didn't want to call him dad because she felt she already had a dad. She calls him by his name when she speaks about him. He does not have supervised visits. So far the reunification part has been put on hold because the Reunification therapist wanted her to get her own therapist for the outbursts she has started having. It is called going through regression. I guess...I don't know. I can see this dragging on for a long long time. I hope he gets tired of paying for all the therapists and just leaves us alone. I know it sounds meen, but she is a trophy to him, not a daughter.

if she is a trophy, Then there is hope on him giving up. I can guarentee it. That is our case. So she is smart. I guess my daughter is kinda nieve so that helped in our case. Let her throw her fits in front of him. LEt her say she does not like him. SHe can express her feelings and anyone not letting her is wrong. I do not think you sound mean. I havre to go I willl post later. I have alot to say and you are doing well it seems just hang in there.

If she does not like the man let her express it. So she has not spent any time with him yet, I am confused. How can a court just let her visit with a complete stranger?

Well I have some news. We can finally continue with the adoption. Its kind of a strange turn of events. My baby's biological father died this morning of a heart attack. I'm glad we weren't very far on the reunification. I would hate it if this broke her heart. I'm relieved and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of me. No more going to court every month and therapy every other week. I have no nice feelings for this man so I will not be greiving. Now the adoption will be a breeze.

congradulations, I guess. Just remember do not lie to your daughter as she grows up. That could be the worst thing you can do. I hope the adoption goes well. Let us know what happens.

I have no plans on lieing to her. But now I don't have to tell her the whole truth so that she can protect herself against him. My biggest concern was having to tell her that he has been in prison most of his life and it doesn't matter who you are, he will try to financially ruin your life. Now I can just tell her that she had a father that was trying to reunify and make a relationship with her before his untimely death.

Sounds good to me. I just get irritated with the parents that try to act like they did not have any other father but the one whom adopted them. y daughter actually knows the lifestyle her bio person chose to lead and the courts got mad that we were that honest with our child. We go to court on thursday. I have talked to my lawyer and a lawyer friend that states that the judge has no jurisdiction over the case anymore since the adoption. They also told my husband to stand up there with me because she is his child now and the issue is his child. This makes me nervous. All the other times I went to court with this guy my husband was not allowed to stand up there. This time will be differant. am also nervous because the judge last time had a lot to say about how I was messing up my childs life by pursuing an adoption. So He may anot be able to do anything about visitation however he can still say what he wants to say regardless. I am really nervous.

I'm suprised he was able to get a court date at all. I would be nervous too if I were you. But I think you have the law on your side regardless of what the family law judge says. I've come to find out that judges do not rule on facts they rule on however they believe. Thank goodness it is out of this judges jurisdiction. Good luck and let us know whats going on. As for us, my husband has decided that he does not want to adopt our daughter now. The only reason he was going to adopt her was to keep her bio father from being able to get her if something were to happen to me. We have decided we would be happy with just a last name change.

I have heard that a name change is just as hard to achieve then an adoption. I would still pursue the adoption however. If something happens to your husband now the child will not get the benefits of if she was adopted. HE got the court date because the clerks said I could not file the adoption paperwork with the family law court unless I had a court date. It costs me money to go to court but he always qualifies for the financial aid. So I just Waited for him to file the case and I am going to bring in the facts. It is just the fact that the judge is allowed to voice his opinions and make me feel bad even though I know in my heart I did not ruin my childs life I saved it.

Well it shouldn't be too hard for me to change her name since there is no one that can appose the change. I never put much stock into what a judges opinion is. Just remember most of them are for a fathers rights even if he has a needle stuck in his arm on a daily basis. You will do just fine.

The hearing could not have been better. He did not show up. I cant believe it. So the judge said that she would sanction him if he tried to file anymore motions on the case. This was a differant judge and she was really nice . it makes me curios on what he may be up to though. Well that is what happened.

CONGRATS! Now its over with. You have nothing more to worry about.