Frustrated about age comments

Luckily we haven't had to hear that out loud. My dh and I were 40 and 42 when our first daughter was born (bio) and then we adopted this year at 42 and 44. So go for it and try not to let the stupid comments get to you. I know...easier said than done! Janet

Vent away I absolutely agree with you though atm it's for slightly different reasons. We have been married for 11 years - I'm 43 and he's 36 - and it's taken us this long to be referred by a doctor to find out why I haven't conceived. Tomorrow we find out what the next course of action is. Good luck! Philippa :)

All too well I understand your frustration!!!!! We started adopting our family when we were each 23yrs old. Now, at 48yrs and seven children.......we are hoping to have 'just one more infant' to adopt in our family. We have children ranging in ages from 24yrs to almost 2yrs. (Only four at home now, though.) My suggestion is this: If you feel 'up to it'.....(because some days, it's just easier to 'let it slide').......I'd state, 'Well, at least we are sure of the children we want and are quite prepared for parenting, unlike some younger couples who haven't a clue and find themselves with unwanted children!' I know that may sound harsh to some, but it is SO true anymore. Frankly, I find that most of the people who make such rude comments, are often jealous and resentful that it isn't THEM who are having children now. I can't tell you how many women my age have come up to me and openly stated that 'If my husband would agree to it, I'd have more children now!' I've also gotten the comment of, "I wish we could have done that (adopt), but we were just too afraid." And......"I would just LOVE to have another baby in our home, but my job (or husband, or parents, or whatever excuse they give), wouldn't approve of it." So actually, consider yourself rather 'free' from a lot of the entrapments many put in front of themselves in wishing they could adopt----but don't. I think to many, we older parents are considered a 'daring type' of people. Wanting and willing to take on---what long ago---was considered taboo. When you read on this forum of all of the 'older parents' who are adopting now----or have adopted and have babies or toddlers or adult children and adopting again..........you'll find that we're a 'tough breed'. We know what we want, and we seek to find to add to, or make our families through adoption. We know how a child/baby can add soooo much to our lives......we know how certain we are of our choice; and despite the criticism from some, we continue with our quest. Sound too proud? I don't think so. I've listened to too many women (and some men) who admittingly wish they were in my shoes! Best of luck to you, and I hope your baby comes to your arms very soon! Sincerely, Linny

My aparents were older, very close to the cut-off age of 40. I gave birth to my last child at 40, and did feel a difference in energy, from when I had my first at 19. I remember being able to physically endure more. But now I can emotionally endure more, I'm a better teacher, because I know more now. What concerns me is why someone would make that comment. Firstly I would ask them exactly what their concerns are. Once that is established, and it is usually diminished ability, or your mortality, just assure them that they needn't worry, you have already made arrangements for the care of your child in the event of, and they are off the hook. Ask them if they have any more questions and genuine concerns that you and your husband would be happy to answer them. Praying for your Baby to be in your arms soon

Thank you everyone for your encouragement. :) It has helped me a lot. I have learned that people just don't understand adoption unless they've been through it. And, they say things without thinking. All we can do is be strong and not let it bother us. The adoption process is hard enough. I won't let what some people think take away from the joy of having a baby. Thanks again! Suzette

When we adopted our son, I was 32, and DH was 35. We are hoping to add to our family soon. I am 39 now. I sometimes wonder if I am too old, but having children later in life seems to be more the norm nowadays. One of my friends is pregnant, and by the time she has her baby, she will be just a few months shy of 41. Don't let others discourage you. The best of luck to you in your adoption journey. :)

[QUOTE=BabyHope] "Won't you be too freakin old to adopt again in 2 years!"QUOTE] Shame on them!! I'm assuming this was the comment of a younger relative? We were 39 when our adaughter was born and 40 when her brother came along. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being and older mom. Much more patient than I was with our 13 and 9 y.o.'s. About the only comment we got was from my MIL, who said she liked having her kids at 19 and 20 because they were up and out by the time she was our age and she could "enjoy her freedom". I told her we enjoy having our kids around, and are in no big hurry to push them out of the nest. That's the last I heard about that!

DH is 55 and I am 34. We've been married for 5 1/2 years...very happy relationship. He has 3 grown boys...and his lifelong call has always been to adopt. We knew when we married that we would adopt...and try to birth as well. We've never been wound up on the birthing thing...and now with DD in our arms...who cares? She is the child God had for our family! Anyway, you cannot believe the people that think and feel like saying to my husband...that they are sorry for him that he had to start all over. Or how neat of him to do this for me! First of all....whether to do this for me or not...you do not choose to parent a child for a lifetime...and love that child...for your spouse. Neither one of us would have done this for that purpose!! Nor does my husband, in any shape or form, think he has started over!! The man is a kid magnet...and in absolutely perfect physical health. This situation has been prayed and prayed over --so it is definitely our purpose. I too struggle with how to respond. And I've learned to just look at them with the most disgusted quizzical look--because I think if I speak...I will hurl insults...and I don't want to stoop to their level. So, I let my look say it all. Like, you don't mind owning that thought in public? How embarrassing for you? Just my two cents....

People are AMAZING. I agree -- age brings patience and wisdom, if not so much physical endurance! My gut reaction to your post was THEY'RE not so OLD!!! I think people will say stuff based on their opinion of themSELVES, not of you ... I work with several people younger than I who now have empty nests (and some who SHOULD) and make derrogatory remarks to me about us (we are 47 and 46, just finished a second adoption and considering a THIRD), and I suspect they never could have enjoyed parenthood as much as we do and will. Linda

rude. I think you should throw it back to them, asking them exactly why you think you should care about their opinion, or something like that. maybe "my mother always said that if you couldn't say anything nice that you shouldn't say anything at all". No further reply plus a look will let them know just how you feel. amazing just what people feel they must "share". yeah, there are things I can't do as well, but parenting isn't one of them. I can bike, skate, run, play ball, and so can dh and we're in our mid 40s. I'm much better at the things that you need to be a parent: patience, devotion, love not to mention finances. they need some put down, if only to point out just how rude that question is. There are boundaries, even in the 21st century. Lisa

You know there was a time when 40 was too old...it was a long time ago before life expectancies were lengthened and health care was improved. Times change..society changes...parenting changes. I was not emtionally or financially mature enough to adopt when I was 25 years old. I am at 39. I feel ready now. Not too old...not too young. People in this world are soooo quick to judge...I think it's because so many people are insecure about themselves. Deciding that another is wrong, by default makes them right. I'm realizing more and more this is true about every aspect of your life not just adoption...your relationships, your marriage, your job, what you have to eat in the morning--all are sadly judged by others. All you can do in retaliation is live the best life possible.

:D hello to fellow "old" adopters! We my hubby and I are now 43, and 41, and we adopted thru foster 4 children..now 9, 7 and twins 6, we have had all since they were each 4... We have had some funny comments...and people ask about my grandkids all the time... I tell them grandkids...my hubby and I still got spark...makes them laugh I can't imagine beginning the emotional rollercoaster of adopting in my 20's or early thirties...

On the day our daughter was born this past April, my husband's grown daughter (age 24) came to the hospital to meet her new sister. During the course of the visit, she said, "Do you realize you're going to be 62 when she's 20? That's old!" I just looked at her and replied, "Wow - you really are a whiz in math!" She persisted with another comment of some sort and my DH commented back, "Gosh, when's she's 20, you'll be 44! That's older than either one of us right now!" I'm not sure what her actual point was (I have a feeling her mother gave her the idea that there was a problem with our age due to some jealousy factors) but she quickly stopped talking about it. We didn't make it a big deal or react to her very strongly and the topic eventually bored her. I suppose my point is that people make negative comments and judgments based upon their own insecurities and flaws ... so why bother allowing that negative energy to impact your joy by fueling it with any time or energy on your part? It's makes them crazy when you ignore them ... so I make that my passive aggressive approach to handling them. Let them say or think what they want - when I've got my daughter in my arms and she gives me a big, toothless grin, nothing else matters. Peace,

When I originally replied to this thread, we were hoping to adopt another baby, and we did just that in June. We brought our new baby boy home 3 weeks before my 40th birthday.......... My children keep me young. I'll have to twist DH's arm just a little tighter, but I am already working on #3. lol :)

Good for you, congrats and enjoy the pleasure of your baby, each one is special regardless of whether they are your bio child or adopted as both are "chosen". Pip :)