Advertisements
Some of you have been following my adoptive parent woe story these past two years and have recently read from me that I am fine...really fine...accepted I may never and probably will never have a relationship with my daughter since she left all her adoptive relatives to live in the neighborhood with her birth relatives four year ago and has made little to no attempt to contact us or be a part of our lives...any way...
having said all that...she called twice this week and APOLOGIZED...BUT I also told her exactly what her choices these past four years have meant to the ones she abandoned...I was brutally honest...I said it all...necessary to do? YES...YES...YES...
I will write more about this later...
thank you for this forum...it has saved me over the past two years to be able to share the hell I have been living in AND the email pal I found here has been my saving grace...love4kids...I LOVE YOU!
Like
Share
Well, aftet the two calls and her saying she was coming for a visit there is nothing again...no show and I called her twice and she is not home and I leave messages but nothing...
and yet I am fine...I had the two calls...that is something...sounds pathetic, but it is not. I bought a key chain with the Serenity prayer inscribed on it...I look at it every day...thanks everyone...
Advertisements
Advertisements
It is just as hard to have your daughter move in with her birthparents and contact you once in awhile and she tells you of all the fun she is having and all the time she is spending with her birthfamily. Her birthparents are sharing all the things that you would love to share with her. She tells you how she doesn't have time for you and yet she is telling you of all the time she spends with them. This is my case. But like lynn I am at a more accepting point. I have learned the serenety prayer the hard way. I lived it. I was forced to accept things as they are. Thankfully when I began to accept and quit wanting things to be my way I began to have freedom from all the pain I felt from abandonment. Acceptance brings peace.
Love4 and Lynn.. It sounds like you both love your adoptive daughters so much. I am sorry that I am asking this question. I bet they had a great childhood with you but what made them want to be with their birthfamilies now and not have anything to do with you? I have a Multi-Racial daughter, and it scares the He!! out of me that it could happen to hub and I... :( This can't be too comment, right???
My daughter is white/hispanic/native american and always got comments like what are you and people commented about her dark reddish skin...until we found her birth relatives we didn't know she was native american...we only were told about white/hispanic...
when she met them she kept telling me she only wanted to meet them and nothing more...of course a guy is involved too...so that is partly why she left her husband and all her adoptive relatives and friends around here but she also is raising her half sibling so there is a lot involved...gets complicated...no there were no traumatic experiences...she has never been nasty about being there...says I love you and miss you etc...but is still disconnected and not around and when I call she isn't there but no call back...weird...but that is the way it is...it isn't so much that she is with the birth parents but living in their neighborhood...
until you go through it you wonder...I wish I had wondered before or at least considered the possibility...I never expected this to happen and I don't she did either...but it has
good luck...that is what makes this forum and the people you meet on it so needed and vital to healing and coping..
Advertisements
My daughter was an infant adoption. I never in my life thought she would leave us as she did. She was told from the start that she was adopted and she struggled with abandonment issues since she was 8. She felt out of place. She would watch family and see how much they looked like each other and she looked like no one. She wondered and wished she could look like someone. She was a very angry person and still is. She says she loves us and she always loved family gatherings. She was happy and yet angry at the same time. She has wonderful memories of growing up with us and keeps them in her heart. On the other hand she is angry and wants to blame us for her anger. Very confusing. She emotionally abused me for many of her teenage years. Misplaced anger! I thought my love would be enough and she told me no amount of love I could give would be enough.
It would be more understandable if we abused her but this was not the case. She was very much loved just as my 3 other adopted girls are. They have been very hurt by her actions. Very hurt.
Lynn and love4, I have been following your stories also and continue to wish you the best for everyone concerned. I actually expect to be following your path later as my daughter has a hostile birth family that we actually had to quit face to face visits with. They are basically waiting until she is 18 and so is she. Right now I look at it in a whole life perspective. I waited 16 years to adopt. Now I get to spend 10-15 years with her and then who knows? I can only count on the love we have shown her, and sincere attempts to do our absolute best for her, to determine the eventual outcomes. Sometimes it can take many, many years to lifes challenges to work out. The Serenity Prayer can sustain us through these long times while life takes its course. Prayers your way, Dianna
It hurts so much to give all the love you have only to have your child say it is not enough. It is the most scary thing to wonder if our children will leave and not appreciate all the love we had for them. It was unbearable at first. My heart cried and cried. The damage done to our family was deep. My second daughter has been soooo hurt by my daughters actions all her life and she doesn't think she can take anymore pain. It hurts me because I so wanted my girls to be close and I worked so hard at it.
But healing takes place little by little. The Serenety prayer is one to hold on to. Thanks for your prayers Diana. We are here for you. That is why we tell our story.
Wow! I can't get your stories out of my mind today. Like I posted, my daughter is Multi-Racial and my son is Caucasain. Our son looks just like my hub and I. We wanted our second adoption to be a child just like our daughter but that didn't happen. Our son was supposed to be Bi-Racial but his birthfather is CC/Hispanic. God only knows how my daughter will feel when she is growing up. We give them all of our love. We are so devoted to our kids. They come first but that may not be enough.. :( Atleast with you sharing your stories, it will help prepare me for what could lie ahead for us.
I wish you the very best in life. I hope that both of your daughters will wake up and not forget about the mom and dad that raised them..
Hugs and prayers for you both!!!!
Advertisements
The daughter that moved in with her b/family is caucasian just like us and she still didn't feel like she fit in. She still felt different. She saw how my sisters and I looked alike and talked alike but she had no one that resembled herself. My third daughter is Hispanic and she struggled with differences. She seems o.k. now. My second and youngest daughters have no problem with differences. They are happy to be a part of our family.
Cathy...that is what it is all about...I went into adopting a mulit-racial age five child thinking I did not need help or support or would have big problems...I was naive and had a big ego...these last four years have opened my eyes, knocked me down several pegs and given me the nudge to reach out to others to help them and let them know they are not alone in this...two years of emails with love4 has saved my sanity and given me the opportunity to not feel I am alone and the only one feeling abandoned and confused and that we can survive...you may not have anything to fear and if so at least you will be more prepared than I was...I never had a clue or worried about any of this...
HUGS