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To me this is the saddest time of the year. I will be baking, wrapping etc. and feeling ok then out of nowhere an overwhelming feeling of grief will take my breath away. It has been over 25 years since I signed adoption papers for my sons and the pain has never gone away. I used to dream that there would be a knock on my door and my 2 sons would be standing there with their families ready to allow me to be some part of their lives. I would have all 4 of my children together for the holiday and it would be the happiest day of my life. That dream died with Jeremy (my oldest son) who took his own life on August 16, 2004. He was just 29. I still pray for John to allow me to be some part of his life, no matter how small. I pray for his happiness, health and his family, I pray for the Aparents and I pray that Jeremy is at peace in heaven and that he knows how much I love him. Finally I pray for the emptyness in me to stay hidden so that I don't break down in front of my family and cause their holiday to be sad. Anyway I know I'm not alone, this has to be a very hard time for a lot of Bparents and you should know you are not alone. There are a lot of people who feel your pain and care very much. May God bless and help you through this time too.
[url]www.myjeremy.homestead.com[/url]
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:(
I am a birthmom of 2, a son 22 and a daughter 21, we were reunited last year, all in the same weekend. Things went well for awhile, but let me tell you, the honeymoon is over. I havent heard from my daughter in over a year, and my son lives very close to me, and I havent seen him in several months, although we do email occasionally. I sent him an email, this morning and cried my way thru it. Even after so long at times the pain is just still so fresh. Its a very sad time for me, even though I have gone on to marry and have other children, it doesnt detract from the pain of losing your first borns. I can do all the cooking and shopping and being with family, but inside there is such an empty space, that no one can touch, I put on a brave face and try and enjoy, but something is missing, has been for so long. So another year, another Christmas without my kids. Hope it goes quickly (big sigh).
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