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We have just experienced our SECOND failed match in two weeks!!!
The first match - the Birthmother decided to parent on the 2nd day. (We were 5 hours into the drive to meet the baby):hissy:
The second match ended today. We matched on Friday, baby born on Saturday (expected on April 3rd). We really got along well with the Birthmother and Birthfather, but got a call early today - Birthfather wants to parent. :hissy:
Both of these situations were AA mothers/fathers looking for AA couples to adopt their babies. My husband and I don't really know what to do.
I guess we need some names of agencies that will place AFTER the revocation period. We also would like an agency that keeps the cost down. (under 10K)
Any ideas? :eyebrows:
Please PM. :thanks:
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Please remember all specific agency discussion must be done via pm. This includes naming agencies and then discussing their practices.
Thanks!!:)
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You know...sometimes I don't think it matters how much counseling and such is done. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just doesn't. And it hurts like crazy when it doesn't.
I'm soo sorry you're having to deal with this. I've taken the liberty of pm'ing you my own list of agency/attorney suggestions.
Not wanting to deal with the heartache of failed matches, dh and I have asked to only be considered for situations where the baby is already born, and working only in states that have shorter revocation periods.
I just don't think I could hang on that long to find out, KWIM?
I hope your baby finds you soon, and I hope the list helps in some way.
Most sincerely,
Linny
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Just wanted to say that shorter revocation periods dont necessarily make for the most or more ethical adoptions.
You do NOT want to raise a child if you know that either #1) the first parents didnt make a decision with proper counselling and implications for their decision. or #2) the first parents were rushed into the decision making process while still recovering from birth and if given another day or two would have chose to parent their child and been successful at it. 10 days, really, is not very long in the scheme of things. And in my opinion 30 days should probably be a minimum standard.
Good luck ... I know failed matches hurt, but you also want to adopt and parent a child that TRULY needs a family, not a child that has parents willing, able and desiring to parent at this time. In the long run, being matched with a child (and a child's family) that TRULY needs you will be a far healthier situation for EVERYONE.
I hope it happens QUICKLY for you.
Jen
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Well,
We have been matched again!!! (Switched agencies)
This time bmother is having twins (boy/girl). We are using cradle care and the revocation period is 10 days long. We are praying that all goes well. The bmother is 35 weeks today. Doctors say that it could be anyday now.
The SW thinks things look good. The bmother is 17 years old with a 15 month old child already. She believes that she can't "handle" raising her child and a set of twins. Bfather is out of the picture. Bmother has not heard from him since she told him about the pregnancy.... (Agency will terminate rights - abandonment)
Still.... I am very worried, but excited. We need all the prayers that you can give.
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Well,
Got a call yesterday from the agency. It was a good news/bad news type of thing: bmother had the twins but decided to parent. (17 years old girl now with 3 kids under the age of 2) That was the bad news.
The good news is that the agency had another baby that had been born on 3/5 and his bmother had already signed TPR!!! We will pick him up tomorrow!!! We are very excited. Cradle Care sent pictures and he is beautiful.
The only "wrinkle" is that the bfather doesn't want anything to do with the situation. He won't sign the TPR, but doesn't want custody of the baby. The agency says that they will "send out the letter" to him and he has 30 days to respond. She seems to think that he will simply "ignore" the letter and do nothing. Anyone had experience with this?
I am hoping to stay "cautiously optimistic", but 30 days is a long time. I am afraid that we will be devastated if he has to leave us....
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adamslor
The only "wrinkle" is that the bfather doesn't want anything to do with the situation. He won't sign the TPR, but doesn't want custody of the baby. The agency says that they will "send out the letter" to him and he has 30 days to respond. She seems to think that he will simply "ignore" the letter and do nothing. Anyone had experience with this?
I am hoping to stay "cautiously optimistic", but 30 days is a long time. I am afraid that we will be devastated if he has to leave us....
Congratulations! I hope everything works out for you.
We went through something similar, and I'm not sure if it's state-specific, but I'll relay what happened. The birthfather agreed to sign TPR, so the paperwork was sent to him in another state, but he never sent it back. The agency would call and he would swear that he sent it, but it was all lies. Finally, our agency went to petition the court to have him officially served. Once this happened, he had 20 days to petition the court for his child - he would have had to come to the child's birthstate (TX) and have a homestudy done, and prove that he was fit and able to parent the child. Needless to say, this didn't happen, and the 20 days ran out last week. Our agency is headed to court this Friday to have his rights terminated.
It is not a small thing for a birthfather to petition the court on behalf of his biological child. He really has to want to parent him/her. Some fathers do ignore the letter, and others do not. I hope that yours is the former. The 20 day wait could have been stressful, but we had our daughter to keep us busy!
Hope that helps.
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Praying for you and this situation. We had several failed adoptions. We never blame the bmom's for wanting to parent, although it is hard to accept. After 5 matches we finally have our little girl. However, we are still in court due to some issues that we can not discuss right now. Hopefully the bfather will read the letter and sign the neccessary paperwork.
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We picked up Cameron March 27th and he has been with us since!!!! He will be 7 months on the 5th of October. He is just the cutest thing!!!:woohoo:
Bfathers rights had to be terminated by the agency and we are now on the calendar for our finalization hearing. Life couldn't be better. Thanks for all the prayers and well wishes.
We are now beginning the process to adopt our 2nd child!!!:clap:
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