Is my daddy at work...

I would love to hear responses on this. I am a single mom and have a little boy and I know one day he's going to ask about a dad or make reference to a dad. I hope people respond! :)

Just be honest. "Some families have mommies and daddies and children but not all of them. Our family has you and me." You can add any grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. that the child knows.Also get some books where there are NOT traditional families -- A Mother For Choco is an excellent one about adoption AND single mothers. So is Foundling Fox. You don't have to apologize for not providing her a father. Statistically half of her classmates will be "children of divorce" in four more years.

Great answer MamaS. I have nothing to add. You said it just perfectly. Saj

That is a great answer! Thanks! :)

My dd (4 years old) hasn't asked for a daddy, but she's mentioned that children at school have asked, and she's told them that she doesn't have one. I always agree and say "Everyone has a birthmother and birthfather - and we are a mommy and daughter family." and then we talk about Grandma etc. I had heard about children with single moms, or ones that only heard about their birthmothers thinking that they didn't have a birthfather, so we've included it in our story from very early on. Susan

MamaS, so very true... Thanks for the Foundling Fox recommendation. I was reading A Mother for Choco to DD the other night and was wondering... Is Mama Bear a single mom, or did they not want to lengthen the book?? LOL...

Get used to talking about this a lot. My daughter is 8 and I deal with this issue at least weekly. She also didn't understand that she had to have birthfather to be born, even though he was always mentioned. So be prepared to handle this on multiple occassions to move towards comprehension. The next biggest hurdle for us was the father/daughter dance at her school. It took several years for it not to cause major meltdowns and issues. I am still fighting with the school about the name for this stupid dance. She recently saw the updated version of Miracle on 34th Street, which turned out to be a challenge, as the little girl wishes for a daddy and gets one from Santa. In all honesty, what has really helped, as bad as it sounds, is that as she got older, people began to divorce and she started to see more different kinds of families. You have to be strong in these conversations. It is natural to feel badly. I found that I really have to make myself sound matter of fact, so that she doesn't read more into my emotions. The other thing that I had to make really clear is that I didn't find someone to love that way, that it was my issue, not hers. Good luck. I will keep reading for any other new ideas too.

A few more book suggestions. The Best Single Mom In The World: How I Was Adopted. It's about a single mom who adopted internationally. Beginnings: How Families Come to Be has short stories about children who joined his or her family through different types of adoption. The book also emphasizes different family structures. There is a child Olivia in the book who is adopted domestically as a infant by a single parent. My dd is 5. I think she was close to three when she first asked the dad question. When the subject comes up, I tell her the that she doesn't have a dad because I was not married when I adopted her. I try to read one of the books during our story time that night. We talk about how much I love her. We talk about us being a family of two. We talk about all of the male family members and friends who love her. I try to dig deeper to find out what she's feeling. If she's feeling sad, I reiterate that it's okay to be sad that she does not have a dad. Once she told me she wanted a dad because dads protect you. I told her that is true but I'd do my best to protect her. MamaS, thanks for the book suggestions. We don't have those two.waitinginnj, It's good to hear the perspective of someone whose child is a little bit older.

Thank you all for responding. My situation is a little complicated in that she was almost three when I brought her home from Guatemala. I have got the books and plan on reading them. Brenda

My sons cw gave him a book at the finalization of his adoption that we read at least a couple nights a week. Both he and his fb love it (both are 2-1/2 yrs). Love Is A Family by Roma Downey is about a mother/daughter family and the different types of families they see at Family Fun Night at the little girls school. It is pretty short so the little attention spans can still sit through it easily.

Well, it's starting to happen here too. Broke my heart. Last night my son said, "My daddy is in there. I go get him!" He was pointing to his toy airplane's cockpit. I need to get one of those books fast!

Hi I use to worry about this with my son, thinking he would be sad because he doesn't have a dad. But now at almost 8 he hardly ever mentions it. We have always said and I have heard him tell friends, that "there are different types of familes, and we are a family with a mommy and a son". It helped that in his Kindergarten class there were two classmates whom had no mothers; one had an uncle as a gardian and the other lived with his dad and grandmother. This really helped stop the wondering and I think worrying about being different. Noahsmom, funny I was 40 when I adopted my son as well and was worried about that being an issue along with the "no dad" in the picture. But positive role models come in many forms it doesn't have to be a "dad". I think I hate the "why aren't you married" questions more than I use to hate the "do I have a dad" question. I guess this will pass as well.

We also love "The Family Book" by Todd Parr. It is a great book about different kinds of families. It includes big families, small families, families with one parent, stepfamilies, families that adopt, families that like to eat the same things. My three favorite pages are: "All families are sad when they loose someone they love" "All families can help each other to be strong" and the very last page "There are many different ways to be a family. Your family is special no matter what kind it is. Love Todd." Good luck.

i totally agree with everyone's response. i'm in that boat too. when my daughter was 2ish she was talking about her daddy. i did my "we don't have a daddy at our house". she kept insisting about her daddy. finally, i said it's nice to pretend. and she said "yes".

My son was nearly 3 when I brought him home. The following Father's Day, he asked me where is my dad. I told him that our family doesn't have a dad in it - just us. I told him that I am both for now. And he is 9 now and often calls me dad, which is perfectly fine with me. I get some funny looks, but it is ok. He used to tell kids when he was younger, that we don't have a dad - she's both! What is funny, is that, I think he sees me as 2 different people - the discipliarian is mom, the nurturing is dad - when he gets hurt, he yells for me as DAD! HOw funny is that! However, last spring, he was 7 and asked a stranger to marry his mom. I was mortified!! We have Todd Plarr's book too. It's great. I often tell him that family is not who you are related to, but who loves us.