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We spent years researching adoption, learning about the need for adoptive parents for AA and bi-racial children, etc. At this point, we have been waiting for a year with our non-profit domestic adoption for a healthy AA or bi-racial newborn. Our sw admits that she has fewer AA moms willing to place with white parents than she did in the past. The couple who even looked at our profile determined that we couldn't "handle" another child. SW tried to explain that she had vetted us and wouldn't have approved us if she wasn't sure that we could. Meanwhile, our agency places several Caucasian newborns a month! We went into this knowing that we would love a baby of any race...a year later and our race is the real issue. We are considering going into the regular program at our agency.
What's the point of staying in the minority program if our goal is to adopt a child and most in this program won't even consider us?
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Persian,
I'd have to say this is probably not the case nationwide. "Not the case' as in there are many AA birthmoms who have no problem placing their babies with non-AA couples/singles. It just depends on so many variables. Have you considered signing up with other agencies/attorneys? This was something we always did and so broadened our chances of being considered.
Sincerely,
Linny
I'm coming back to this because I am quite confused by this post. What do you mean what is the point? Many people wait to be chosen by an emom for long periods of time. I don't see them asking what the point is. Isn't the point that you did all that because you WANT to adopt a child? Isn't that the point? It sounds like you are saying that you took the time to learn about transracial adoption for nothing because you didn't get a baby quick enough. I certainly hope that is not the case. It's not like fast food. You don't just sign up and get a child like that. While it may be faster in some areas due to population and other factors, that is not true everywhere.
I also wanted to add that your timeline is quite common nowadays. There are more people adopting domestically because international adoption isn't really a good option for families wanting healthy babies and its more expensive than domestic. Our homestudy agency now says the wait time for AA and BR babies is about 6-18 months compared to three years ago where the wait was less than 6 months. They also claimed they needed parents open to AA and BR babies who were exposed to alcohol and drugs in utero - not healthy ones.
I also wanted to add that many people on these boards have been waiting over a year for a AA child. There was one memeber here who waited about 16 months and the other waited almost two years! Another member who is a BR couple have been waiting almost as long as you have for BR child. I "know" one AA, heterosexual couple with no children are STILL waiting 13 months for a placement of an AA child
While I cannot say that agencies are not looking for families open to AA, I will say that the need isn't as great as it was just 3-4 years ago. Its not as common nowadays to be matched with a AA babies in less than one month. Whereas three years ago, people were getting placed within one week!
Persion, sorry you're having such a hard time with this. Waiting is no fun at all. I do think that you should let go of what your SW promised you, that you would have a baby within a year. It seems like you may be holding onto that, and really, anyone would hold onto such a promise if it meant bringing a new baby into their family. There was no way that s/he could guarantee you anything, so I think it was irresponsible for them to do that. We're all waiting, and I do think that estimated wait times have little validity these days. There IS a point to this, and you will have your child in time. If you feel you need to switch programs, do it with a clean heart and know that you are doing what is right for you. No need to pressure or beat yourself up about this. Good luck!
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I meant "what's the point" of being open on race if it means we are actually only open to one race. That struck us as odd but seems to be the norm with non-profit agencies...you are in one program or the other, not both.
Anyone who would imply that we would adopt an AA or bi-racial child just to get a shorter wait time is way off base. Believe me, I have three children-I know they aren't like "fast food". All children takes lots of work to bring into your family, whether you create them or adopt.
My frustration is not coming because I think I deserve a shorter wait or that I was promised something. It comes from over a year in the adoption world.
What's the point of sticking with a program in which we are not what the emoms who use it want? Based on the limited feedback from our sw, that's what we are facing right now. We are trying to make a careful decision about where to go from here; stay with this agency or choose a different type of adoption or have another biological child.
I don't think it's unreasonable to have an end date, as we don't want our youngest too far behind his/her siblings and I'm not getting any younger :)
Persianmama: If you're looking for a more "predictable" process I highly suggest you consider international adoption. Although wait times are longer for healthy babies, there are some countries like Russia, Kazakhstan and Ethiopia where its possible to adopt a healthy baby in less than 18 months.
I guess I just didn't understand your wording of "what's the point?" I mean, I guess the point is that adoption is not always easy no matter what program or agency you use. Even international adoption has long waiting periods now. I know CC couples, waiting for CC babies who have waited years. Does anyone really know why they are or are not chosen? Every eparents is looking for who they think would be best to raise their child for whatever reasons.
I can see how you want to grow your family but I guess I just didn't understand that statement as to what the point was in learning about transracial adoption or going that route.
PersianMomma- Does your agancy allow you to go outside of them? I waited 2 yrs for a AA infant with my agancy and after some heated discussions they "let" me test the waters. I sent 100 emails to attornies, agencies and facilitators with a cover sheet ( I was AA specific, non practicing Jew, and a chubby single girl), pictures, financial concerns ects. 3 weeks later, I had a nice phone conversation with a lady in Utah who told me to call another agancy in Texas. They had birthmom in process and had yet to match her to a family, 8 days later my 3 day old son was in my arms. I have suggested this type of effort to others who have been successful - I call it the right place at the right time method of adoption searches. Go for it!
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HeidiK
PersianMomma- Does your agancy allow you to go outside of them? I waited 2 yrs for a AA infant with my agancy and after some heated discussions they "let" me test the waters. I sent 100 emails to attornies, agencies and facilitators with a cover sheet ( I was AA specific, non practicing Jew, and a chubby single girl), pictures, financial concerns ects. 3 weeks later, I had a nice phone conversation with a lady in Utah who told me to call another agancy in Texas. They had birthmom in process and had yet to match her to a family, 8 days later my 3 day old son was in my arms. I have suggested this type of effort to others who have been successful - I call it the right place at the right time method of adoption searches. Go for it!
Hey I just wanted to vote with some of the others that you consider a different agency. It's tricky with agencies because they will not divulge any kind of data or numbers to you, but if I had to guess I would say that maybe they just don't have a lot of emoms for the aa program period. Some agencies don't and if you don't look elsewhere you could be in for a much longer wait.
Switching to the other program is an idea too if that's what you want, but how long have those couples been waiting?
It may take just as long if not longer, especially if you are starting new. I think wait times for cc infants tend to be very long nowadays.
I think you need to look at another adoption professional/entity instead of putting all your eggs in one basket as it were.
I can understand the discouragement.
We adopted a baby from a situation we found out about by pure chance and luck through the original agency we started out with, but I think if we had only stuck with them she would be our first instead of our third.
Will they have a problem if you look elsewhere in addition to being on their list?
I guess it depends on how much money you've invested in your agency and what you're able to get bac out of it, let's face it, adoption costs have risen significantly over the last couple years.
BTW, we went w/ a facilitator that specilized in AA or BiR adoptions, we were matched in 7 weeks, and she was born 7 weeks later. The difference w/ a facilitator is that they work with several agencies instead of just one.
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