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Hi we are looking at adopting another child. The birthmother is due in 6 weeks. We are wondering when we should start talking about it with our 5 year old. It is a domestic adoption and so it could possibly fall through. We are wondering if we should tell her now to give her time to absorb the info or later as not to disappoint her. Any advice you have would be great. Thanks Lisa
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I would start to talk about it. Kids are pretty resilient to change. Babies come, babies go. It will be devastating to you, but it doesn't have to be to her. I wouldn't hype the big sister thing too much though. I would just start talking about a baby that will be born soon that MIGHT be able to join your family, but you will have to wait and see. I don't know what state you are in but if you might have the baby and then have to give it back if mom decides to parent, then I would talk about that possibility with her. If the baby stays forever, then make sure that she knows that it is no longer a possibility for the baby to leave. My kids have known about 1 or 2 of my miscarriages. Their oldest sister died 3 1/2 years ago at the age of 19. They have also lost a friend who died suddenly. They have handled it all well. I think we need to be open and honest with our kids about our own feelings and give them a framework to handle their own feelings. My sister was distraught when her ds's hamster was dead the morning after they got it. I think he was 3 or 4. His only question, "Can we get a healthy one next time?" I think things are often much bigger issues for us than they are for our kids. We are in the process of trying to adopt now from foster care. My kids know when we are being considered. They are bummed when we aren't chosen. They are getting a little frustrated by the whole process but so am I. I think it's good to include them in an age appropriate way. Well, I've rambled on and on. Good luck. I hope all goes well.
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