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My son is 4 and his birthmom has a 2 1/2 year oldwho si my son's half brother with her husband. We have a great relationship and see each other quite regularly and my son calls her son his brother. I am wondering at what age did your child start questioning why their birthmom decided to keep their younger child? I have feeling this question will be coming soon and even though I have told him why he was adopted I'm just waiting for the real hard questions to come and wondering how others have delat with this. Thanks
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I also have the same problem. We live in the same town and live very close together. We don't have an open adoption right now (which I am hoping will change) but someday my son will go to school with his biosibling.
I just wonder how my son will feel as he gets older and realizes how close his brother and birthmother are to us.
Chrissy
I think it would be easy to explain that the bmom wasn't able to care for your son at that time and now she's in a better palace. I have a similar situation but in reverse. My son's bmother is parenting her eldest child and placed my son. I have a semi-open adoption because of this. I feel as an adoptee it may/can be a problem with visits; I would rather wait till he's an older teen-by then, hopefully, he'll be able to understand why he was placed. - Manni
My DD has two full bio sibs, one older and one younger. That seems like a tough one to me. She hasn't asked "why" she was adopted yet, or about why she was adopted but her sisters not. Ironically, my DH was also a middle kid placed for adoption, at least through his bmom's side. He said that it definitely is hard to think about, but he understands that circumstances can change very quickly, etc. Sometimes, it just is what it is. But it's pretty hard to imagine that it can't hurt or sting, at least somewhat. Good luck!!
I actually wrote about this recently:
[url=http://domestic-infant.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/open-adoption-roundtable-siblings]Open Adoption Roundtable: Siblings — U.S. Infant Adoption[/url]
My son hasn't really asked yet, but one of his friends did ask her mother why Jack had siblings who live with his birthmother.
For the original poster, I think you can say that your son's birthmother was in a better place when she had her second child. For those of us who have multiple siblings, it's a bit harder. In our case, Jack's birthmother is *worse* off than she was when she placed Jack. I'm going to copy the last comment off of the blog post, which I think is pretty good advice:
:hippie:
Not knowing anything about the details (but trying to read between the lines), heres how IҒd tell it:
When S had Iggy, it was very hard for her to take care of Iggy and give him what he needs. It was so hard that she knew that when she had you that you would have a much better life with another family. But even though she knew she made the right choice for you, it still made her very sad, since she wanted so desperately to keep you. So when Baby A was born, even though she knew Baby A would have a better life with another family, she just couldnt bear any more sadness so sheҒs doing the best she can to raise both Iggy and Baby A herself.
No bad guy. Just an acknowledgement that sometimes in life we are faced with impossible choices (the fact that those impossible choices are all too often of our own making is a lesson for another time).
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My son is only 3 months old, but has a 4 year old full sister and a 18 mo old full brother. I know it will come up at some time. I am worried that his siblings will resent him! They have a hard life with parents that are addicted, no grandparents or family for support, and young parents that are always negative about parenting! The 4 year old told me how they have to get on the floor when the shooting starts but can watch tv again after the police come. My son has it all! He is loved and respected and we are financially set. He has family that loves him. How do I balance this? It is a sad situation and my hubby and I are split. I fell in love with the kids while we got to know the BParents. My hubby says we didn't adopt the whole family!! HELP!
AlabamaMommy, I hear you! If S lived in our state, her children would have been taken by Child Protective Services. Jack is much better off than they are. It's a difficult situation, to say the least. Because they live so far away, we don't always have to deal with S's reality. We've tried to help monetarily, only to see the money wasted. Your DH is right: You didn't adopt the whole family. If it is actually a possibility for you to adopt the other children, and you and your husband want to pursue that, that may be a valid path. Otherwise, you just have to do the best that you can for your son. You made a promise to him when you adopted him, not to his siblings, as hard as it may be to see them so badly off. If the children are truly unsafe, and you can report that to Child Protective Services anonymously, you can go down that path as well. If you would report a relative or acquaintance for the same behavior, then you can report your son's birth family. There aren't any easy answers. I hope you're able to find some compromise that works. :hippie: