Wow - is it really that bad?

Originally Posted By Marysusy, we adopted foster children. they were in the same foster home since birth until we adopted them at 18mos. they turned six in december. they are twins by the way. they were born at 26-28 weeks gestion. and except for the asthma they are outgrowing and was never really to severe they are healthy and happy girls. we started the process with the dept.of protective and regulatory services in may and had the girls by mid july. it cost nothing, the lawyers fee to finalize the adoption was reimbursed by the state. we got healty happy todlers from the state of texas where we live really easy. they did not even suggest to us to foster at all. to us it was the only way to go. i can't imagine spending so much money to make a child part of the family. good luck

Originally Posted By Marysusy, we adopted foster children. they were in the same foster home since birth until we adopted them at 18mos. they turned six in december. they are twins by the way. they were born at 26-28 weeks gestion. and except for the asthma they are outgrowing and was never really to severe they are healthy and happy girls. we started the process with the dept.of protective and regulatory services in may and had the girls by mid july. it cost nothing, the lawyers fee to finalize the adoption was reimbursed by the state. we got healty happy todlers from the state of texas where we live really easy. they did not even suggest to us to foster at all. to us it was the only way to go. i can't imagine spending so much money to make a child part of the family. good luck

Originally Posted By MarieCongrats to you. You are one of the fortunate ones who did not have to wait long. I suppose the state of Texas, from reading your post, is much easier to navigate in than the state of Florida, and many others.Like Tammy, above, I too fostered for what seemed like forever and had multiple children in and out who were time and again returned to their parents. I am really happy for you and just hope you realize how extremely lucky you are to have adopted so soon. Just felt I needed to let you know so you would appreciate your situation, which I'm sure you do. Good luck and God bless. How wonderful for you to have adopted those children!

Originally Posted By MaryYes, we live in Texas. My children were in the foster system from geeting out of the hospital at 4 months til 18 mos. We never fostered. We were adoption only. Yes it was extremely quick. My husband and I were open to sibling group and race was not an issue. The girls are twins and african american and cauc. I've worked in foster homes as a pediatric home care nurse. One home I was in twice, the family had adopted once, hispnic boy they had at 2 weeks and adoption was finalized when he was 2 and half. They also adopted the little boy who went back to the family and then returned directly to the same foster home after returning from bio home another hispanic boy. Now they are interested in adopting a 10 month old blond blue eyed girl and the state is giving the foster family a hard time about. It may not go through. They are second on the list of perspective parents. A lot of politics when it comes to skin color. That is the foster/want to adopt family.

Originally Posted By SeleinHi Susy, it can be really heartbreaking sometimes and alot of red tape, but think about the child with no power to choose. You can make a huge difference to a child. Different counties may have different policies. Some only do foster adoption, some have legally free children, some know which kids will probably not be going back, some will work with private agencies. So go to all the meetings that counties offer to find out about how they work. Ask if they have a book to look at. Ask lots of questions. See if there is an adoption exchange for your state. Get a list of private agencies in your area and ask for a meeting with them as well. First you need to know all the options, then you need to decide what situation works for you and what you can live with and then stick with it. We have two beautiful children adopted through two different counties in our state. They were legally free and we got to meet them and then got to talk to the county. For us, we didn't think we could deal with having a child leave. Each county in our state was different. But most separated families into those that wanted to adopt and those that wanted to be foster families. They want to make a good match for their kids. So don't give up. There is a child who needs you and the love, security, and steadfastness you can give them.

Our first two were "temporary placements" (2 months, 2 weeks, or 2 days? possible relative out of state placement, and the other was "supposed" to be reunified in a couple of months..and as the cases proceeded...2-3 years later, we adopted after they became free for adoption. We also found out that a teen relative of our youngest child, was in a foster home that was closing and was being moved. We requested to bring her (a teenager) into our home to also be adopted by us once her TPR was through. All of our children, seem like they were born to us. You can not tell any difference between our biological or our adoptive children. Our biological and adoptive children get along as if they were born siblings...there has been no difference. Since our oldest was bonded to her family, we do allow some contact with her birth family. We send letters, pictures, and have limited visits and some phone contact with relatives, because she had some contact before her adoption. Her birth family has told us they are very appreciative to us for allowing contact. Through this contact we were also able to get baby & preschool pictures for their "lifebook" as well as family medical history information.

Hello, My husband and I started the foster care/Adoption classes in our state (RI) back in April 2002. The day of our last class June 2002 we were called. We know have two siblings 2 and 5 united in the same home and everything is great. It is only November. Yes, this was a tough process and the process is no where near done. However, the good outways the bad in everyway. I have beutiful little girls who finally get to be sisters. I am learning sigh language to help communicate with my eldest and besides that just learning how to help them grieve their last families. If you focuse on the wonderful times and keep positive as you work through problems you will be greatly rewareded. We tend to forget why we are doing it and only concentrate on the bad. Also everyone has a different situation. If you are adopting when thier are no other children in the home you have less chances of having your children taken away. The other thing to remember is to make sure the children your wanting to adopt are LEGALLY FREE for adoption. These childrens Bio families no longer have rights to the children. Our girls are legally free. If your state offers it you can do Foster care with the intent to adopt. You will most likly have placement faster. But make sure you know as much about them as possible. Feel Free to contact me and I will be happy to give you as much support as I can. Janelle Counrty-charms@cox.net

Lots of good information here!!!! I guess my two cents would be this... Unfortunately there is a lot of red tape and beaurocracy when you are dealing with any agency be it privitized or state run. Also, you are dealing with people -- human flesh and blood just like us that from time to time makes errors or wrong decisions. These decisions, however, affect our children (as well as us adults) PERMANENTLY whether it be positive or negative. That being said, I guess that you have to decide which route you are willing to go be it foster care or adoption or both. My husband and I originally wanted to strictly adopt because we thought we could not handle giving a child back. Upon learning of the age of children available for adoption here in our state being older, we decided to try our hand at a long term foster/adopt license. The bottom line here, though, is that the goal is still REUINIFICATION. Until those parental rights are severed the goal is always reunification. We were very lucky. The first three placements we received are now permanent members of our family. We adopted a sibling group of two last December and a little boy last July. For that I am eternally gratefule and deeply humbled to be allowed such a wonderful life despite all of the issues and problems we encounter due to the history of abuse and trauma these children were exposed to in the short lives they had before we became involved with them. Now we are dealing with the downside of it all with a 20 month old boy who we brought home from the hospital at two days old in foster care (a biological sibling to our two adopted girls) and it looks like here at the last minute before the state gets permanent custody bio dad (who has yet to establish paternity and is in jail) wants custody of him when he knew for 20 months that this baby was out there and only had contact with him for a month or so and then wanted nothing to do with him. It also looks as if the sister to the dad is willing to take our foster son in, so we are filled with fear and sadness for the boy that only knows us as his family, his biological sisters and his best friend -- a foster brother just seven months older than him. I've seen both sides and it is very very tough. It all depends on how you want to go but it also falls back on the beginning -- people and beaurocracy. The children need us, so for me it is worth it all. And had it not been for the system, I would not have any children!!! Just do what your heart tells you. It will all come to be through good or bad. Keep fighting, keep positive, and never give up!!! I didn't think I could foster -- somehow, though, it has made me stronger. Talk with others and network! We are eachothers support systems. Don't ever give up!!! Best, Karen Ferrell Moderator

My husband and I have talked about fostering, but are unsure about how our 5 yr old daughter will respond to the children coming and going. Have any of you had similar situations? Our daughter wants a little brother or sister, but what would that do to her psychologically to have one for a while and then have it possibly taken away? We do want to adopt another child, but need some guidance about whether we should try fostering first, or just go straight through the adoption route like before. Any ideas?

Hi!!! I think that fostering could be wonderful if it is approached right. When we had a foster child we made it very clear that this child was going back to his biological mom. We were very open with the process and how it would be, and we let the kids know what was going on in order to help prepare them for what would come next. What makes it difficult, though, is when your intentions are to adopt and you get a placement that is a long term placement and the possibilities of adopting are high and something happens in the end where the child is removed to either bio mom or another relative. I guess you would be the best guess on whether or not this is something that your child could handle. Children are resiliant, but they also pick up on our fears and sadness. I think it can be a very rewarding and positive thing, but it can also hurt if a child goes back that you were hoping to make a permanent part of your family. Just some thoughts, Karen

Hello, I think when you are adopting from the foster care system and you have other children in the home you should treat it as a maybe. In other words tell your family and other children that your intent is to adopt but sometimes things do not always work out that way, say positive things about the foster/adoptive childs family so if it does not work out then your children and the foster/adoptive child may feel better about the situation. Always be positive in front of the children and always talk about everything. I hope this helps

In Texas, we also have what's called a 'legal at-risk' placement. That's when the case workers have determined that he likelihood of the child going back to the birth family is extremely low. Of course, they can never say for sure what the judge will do, but there is compelling evidence to expect that rights will be terminated. There are SO many kids in that position in the system. The best thing for them is to get into a foster home where they will most likely be adopted by the foster family once rights are terminated. If you offer to take a legal at-risk child, your chances of adopting go way up, and the liklihood of their removal is relatively low. If you just straight foster, there's no telling - you could get child after child who will most likely go back to the birth family. Ask if your state does legal at-risk placements. I know in this region of Texas, the case workers are able to predict the outcome 9 out of 10 times. It's worth the risk. Good luck!

I've read stories of people getting a child as soon as their classes are done, and I 've heard of people who have been waiting over a year. So, how long does it take?I have been going through this since March. Our classes are done all the paper work is done and we have not been presented with a single child. We live in Oklahoma.Our worker just keeps saying a good match takes time. I really am about to pull out my hair. I hate sitting back and waiting for some one to change our lives. I like to be a part of my major life changes and right now I am not!We are looking to adopt a little girl 0-6.

For a girl in that age range, it could take a while. Also, it may help to search websites for available children and also, some libraries have books of waiting state children.