My Firstborn
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They said I could not keep you; they said I was too young, Oh how I wish I had been older, so I could have said “You are wrong”. They said you needed a mom and dad, a home and money too; These things I could not offer, except my love for you. They said this was for the best: you would have a better life. If only I knew then, those words would come back later, Cutting into me, piercing like a knife. They said the pain will go away; it will get easier with time. Why did they lie to me? I feel like I’ve committed a crime. How could I give away my child to someone I didn’t know? I would have to trust the Lord in this, that you would grow up to be a fine young man, Your life would later show.
Christian, how can I put into words the feelings I have felt for years? The sorrow, the agony, the many nights filled with tears. My only hope and prayer would be, while thinking of you everyday, That God would bring you back into my life, and you would not hate me. They said it probably won’t happen; You don’t even know where he lives, But they dont know my Savior, that what you ask for HE GIVES! It took only 23 years to hear your wonderful voice; it could have been much longer. God gave us a chance to grow up first, to mature and become stronger. I’ve had my life and you’ve had yours, each apart from the other, But you have never left my heart. I was then, and will always be, your first mother. I pray that we can meet again, so I can hold you close. Those years are lost to us now, but, meeting you now means the most!
I’m so thankful you have found me, and you have no hate to share, Besides the pain of losing you, that is something I could not bear. God already has the meeting day picked out, can I wait, wait some more? Christian, when my eyes see you, everyone will turn to say, “what was that about?” You are now and forever will be, my very own firstborn, Circumstances took you away from me, and my life was immediately torn. But, thank you my precious Jesus, For answering my endless prayer! You have brought us back together, our lives we now can share. (Reunion August 9th 2001! We keep in touch frequently, and e-mail alot. My son came to be at my youngest son’s wedding this Aug 3rd (2002)! He was my videographer! He did a great job, and we all had a great time!) © Brenda Rogers