4 Emotions Adoptive Parents are NOT Allowed to Feel

For starters, don't feel happy. But don't feel sad, either. That's just not allowed.

Karen White July 15, 2016

Adopting a child brings with it a lot of emotions. No one person feels the same as another.

But within the adoption community there are plenty of people who will gladly tell you how you should or shouldn’t feel. God forbid you cross paths with someone who doesn’t think your feelings are valid. You will run across people who look at you as a “savior” for “rescuing a poor, needy child” and worse, those who call you nasty names like “adoptoraptor” and say that you stole your “womb-wet” infant. (Yes, that was actually said in an adoption forum I read!)

Some days it feels like you can’t win no matter how you feel. That being an adoptive parent makes you somehow inherently evil. So let’s take a moment look at four things adoptive parents may feel, and why we shouldn’t be allowed to have these feelings.

DISCLAIMER—I fully acknowledge that there are women who were/are forced into adoption, who had children stolen from them. They deserve to be angry. But this article isn’t for you. It is for adoptive parents to laugh and feel normal in a world where there is no ‘normal.’


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Karen White

Karen White is the self-proclaimed leading authority on being "that mom." You know the one. The PTO Vice President, room mom, baseball team mom, AND leader of well-behaved kids (OK, the well-behaved part may be stretching it . . . like really stretching . . .) When she isn’t threatening to tackle one of her boys on the ball field if they don’t run faster, or convincing her 4-year-old daughter that everything doesn’t HAVE to sparkle, she is also a wife and stay-at-home mom of three. One of the three happens to have been adopted, but good luck figuring out which one it is, since they all have pasty white skin, blond hair, and blue eyes.

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