5 Things NOT to do When Forming Adoption Relationships Online

In online adoption support groups and forums, adoption language and some knowledge of adoption ethics or laws is really helpful. Of course, you won’t have all the answers---that’s why you are seeking out these people for guidance---but knowing some of the things that ruffle people’s feathers is a great start. People come together in these groups from all walks of life and with many different backgrounds and experiences. Some can be downright nasty when they try to educate people new to adoption. Going in with your blinders open and thick skin on along with having a little education will go a long way to protecting yourself against these vigilantes.

You know the old saying about when you assume something. If you go into a new adoption relationship assuming you have nothing new to learn or stuck in your ways, you are setting yourself up for failure. Adoptive parents and birth parents come together online to form new relationships because they need each other. Assuming you have nothing to gain from them makes it hard to form a friendship. Taking that one step further, never assume that the people you meet always have it as together as they appear to. They, like everyone else, have faced challenges in their adoption journey, and from those challenges you may benefit and connect.

Be yourself. Be honest in your journey and don’t hide behind a wall or façade. In order to make real friends and get honest advice, you have to be truthful. If you are really struggling with your adoption journey or relationships in your adoption triad, someone out there can relate and help you work through it. Don’t pretend everything is perfect if it’s not. We all have moments we just can’t process a situation and need our friends to lean on or put our situation in perspective.

Whether it’s to letting people in or gaining new information, don’t close yourself off. The world is a big place with a lot of people in it. The internet has given us a door to meet people we would have never encountered before. Some of them may not be people we want in our lives, but others can be amazing resources and friends. Don’t be afraid to make friends and learn new things.