5 Things Not to Say to Mothers of Transracial Adoption

Please do not ask where her “real” parents are. She is my daughter. I was caught off guard once when I was asked this. Doesn’t the person you’re talking to look real to you?

In most transracial families, the heritage of an adopted child is very important and will be incorporated into the family through ethnic foods, artwork, attending cultural events, and meeting other people from the child’s culture. Some families will even travel to the child’s birth country for a visit when the child is older.

If a family living in a neighborhood that is predominantly one race adopts a child of a different race, don’t tell them they should move so their child is not the minority. There are many other ways to accomplish this goal. They might find a church or community where the child’s race is in the majority. They may develop a relationship with someone who can be a mentor to the adoptee.

Kids in school with your child may make inappropriate comments or ask hurtful questions. Obviously this isn’t something YOU can’t say. Talk to your children about adoption. Explain to them that families come in all shapes and sizes, that sometimes they’re made through birth and sometimes through adoption. Explain that adoption means sometimes kids won’t look like their parents, but teach them to celebrate diversity and to approach peers who don’t physically match their parents with sensitivity.